1 Week Down 2 to Go

Well less than 14 days to go until I'm back at good ole' BSU. I've had enough of a break time to go back now...thanks! I'm kinda ready to hit the books again, I don't know I like it to some degree studying and going to class.

About halfway through the first season of The OC. But the thing I've been most interested in doing is reading the story haha. I'm getting attached to those characters again. But yet I still don't feel compelled to continue writing it. For now I'm just enjoying re-reading...if I wasn't so dialogue driven it wouldn't be half bad...but hey I enjoy it haha but I think if it was anyone but me reading they'd think it's crap but oh well, that'll probably never happen, so I'm not going to worry about it.

Anyways today I started thinking about compiling my Top 10 list of 2009. So look for that possibly sometime this week, I already know a few right off the bat. The bottom five or so may be difficult we'll see.

3 Weeks Off

The fall semester is over so that means I'm at home for three weeks for the Holidays. Plans include finishing Season 2 of Gossip Girl, starting into The O.C. series, and we have a huge line up of movies to watch. Aside from lots of laying around relaxing and watching various things on TV. I plan on hanging out with Adam, possibly going to a hockey game or some other stuff we come up with haha.

Anyways I'll possibly update this more over these three weeks. I like not having homework to think about. :-)

Whoa I Live

Sorry for lack of updates haven't been spending much time on the computer aside from academics. Yeahhh exciting haha.

Class. Work. Get a Cold. Class. Work. Get rid of the cold. Class. Work. Stomach acts up. Class. Work. Get another cold.

Story of my Sophmore year so far. Lets hope I can atleast get rid of the sickness ones. Pleassseee!

Whoaaa College

So I'm officially done with my first two day of classes this semester. My mother would yell at me and hit me upside the head if she knew how much money I've spent in not even two weeks. Most of it is school related and I'll just leave it at that.

Anyways so far classes are going well, just going to have a lot of homework and studying to keep up with this semester...fun fun. So I don't know how regularly I'll be able to update this blog but I'll try when I actually think about it. Right now my mind is a mess of Art History, Spanish, Geography, History...TCOM....English...oh you know the excitement of my classes...ahh.

Ok well off to google translator so I can actually decipher what I'm supposed to be doing for espanol.

Countdown = 0

I'm back at BSU in my dorm room as I type this...yes. It's hot and sticky and no fridge yet but other than that...we're doing good haha. Have to go to an OC meeting here soon but other than that not doing much tonight, depending on how long this meeting lasts.

Well...just glad to be back and will attempt to keep this thing semi-updated I guess haha.

Mark Hoppus Helping my Day...Nope.

Via Twitter:

markhoppus:At dinner w fob, panic, and crush mgmt. Every single person at the table is on their cell phone. Everything is right in the world.

Day 97

I'm not supposed to blog about how I feel, it upsets people.

No outlet anymore, except for maybe my pillow. It may be a little soggy tonight.

I love how the last spoken words I heard today were "Screw You" thanks.

3 more days. And I guess since I have no purpose for blogging anymore, I may as well lay this thing to rest. This is quite possibly my last entry...so goodbye everyone.

Day 96

My 100 or so days of summer are coming to an end. Lately I've been watching a lot of Joan of Arcadia. I was shocked that Adam cheated on Joan...I was like wtf you ass hole. Haha Too into my shows I guess. Only a couple of episodes left though and I'll have seen them all (short lived show only 2 seasons)

Tommorrow Adam and I venture to the zoo, it should be fun. Haven't been since well last summer about this time. Then Wednesday is a rest day and Thursday I'm getting a haircut and then sometime that day Adam and I are going to B-dubs one last time. haha I know I've said that before but this will definately be the last time eating there in the Fort. Then Friday last minute packing before heading to Muncie or dare I say home on Saturday. Seriously ready even though I got an email today saying that the Atrium will be the only dining location open until lunchtime on the 19th...boo. Oh well haha. Atleast it's better than being here until then. The 19th we will eat dinner at Woodworth to celebrate being back together..or maybe anyways haha nothing is set in stone.

Alright well I think I may either go for a bike ride or watch my last two episodes of Joan of Arcadia.

Day 94

You know, I think I"m getting better at this gift thing I really do. I know this one will be liked a lot. I'm pretty proud of myself haha. Went a little bit over budget but would've spent more if I wouldn't have bought it online, especially new. But that's all I'm saying about it. Plus it's all in the hands of the US Postal Service now.

Anyways Adam is actually on his way over right now so we can go bike riding and hangout and such. So that'll be fun. Hopefully it doesn't rain. Looks like it could but the radar shows it all north of us so we'll see.

Umm...might start packing tommorrow...again we'll see how motivated I am.

Ok well I'm going to go finish getting ready tis all for me now kidz.

Day 92

Tommorrow is my last day of work at the Library. Yes. I'm ready for my well deserved 7 days off before returning back to school. It almost feels like I've been in school the past few months, just without the homework haha. Everyone I'm remotely friends with at work is leaving as well and we're all heading our seperate ways. But if we all come back next summer it'll almost be like school all over again haha.

Anyways got a free cucumber today at work, I got on the bus and showed my mom and she just laughed and pulled a cucumber out of her bag as well that she got free at work lol.

I'm ready. I'm ready for the things Adam and I have planned this next week and to start packing. And to get my hair cut and everything. I'm ready. Yep, excited.

Well now back to watching Joan of Arcadia haha.

Day 90

I saw KJ tonight at work, haven't seen her inforever, haha fun times junior yeat at lunch with Bob, Ian and company playing BS and then you know not being able to sit in our usual spot due to the drive-by threat this year. Ah oh well just cool seeing her again.

Anyways work was boring...if death was really caused by boredom, I'd be dead. Luckily only 3 more days. And I get off at 6 everyday Thank God.

I'm beginning to hate WOW. It discourages conversation, and...yeah. Lameness. Especially after having a super lame day already. The only highlight of my day so far has been reading my book because it's really good lol. So yeah...if that's the highlight that just proves how lame my day has been.

So I don't know, I guess I'll see how long I'm kept waiting, it' been well over 10 mins already. Almost 20 actually. Argh...I can't stay up late tonight either since I have to get up early for work. This is most definately not helping my day any.

Day 89

1 Day down, 4 to go this week work wise. Yes. Work is getting extremely boring again as we are stuck doing task slips the majority of the time and only being scheduled on desk for 2 hours as it is in my case tommorrow.

I'm trying to be good by cutting my portions and sweets haha but tonight I was at Walmart and saw this lemon cupcake with lemon frosting on sale and mannn I couldn't resist so the momz bought it for me. But other than that and the marshmallows we're toasting I'm going to behave myself. I realize that my eating over the past few days has been a bit out of control. And I don't want to face consequences of that, actually already have eating like that makes my stomach hurt/causes heartburn sometimes, so better to cut back anyways.

You know, the only thing I missed this summer was a good BLT. We usually eat em' a few times a week in the summer and I haven't had one this summer. Well partially because we no longer have a toaster, and a blt has got to be toasted. Man I need to track down somebody with a toaster at school and then all I'd need is some bacon and a tomatoe, ehh lettuce is always optional lol and may you can get in those little packets haha. Anybody else up for a Bacon Tomato Sandwhich? Geeze now I wish we were having those instead of Pork Chops haha, and those damn Asain Vegetables we always seem to eat now, why not mix it up with some corn or peas or carrots or something else! Gah! Or some Baked Beans, I think we've eaten those once this summer. Man...next summer I'm making a list of must have summer foods/meals. Like in the winter when I'm rarely home I want chili and stew haha.

Actually I need to stop talking about food because it's just making me hungrier and hungry for things that we're not having...yeah even Tuna Noodle Casserole sounds amazing at the moment, not that the way we make it is bad...it's yummers. Alright well off to see how this food is coming along.

Day 86

I came close to being very royally screwed tonight but thank god everything is ok. Big sigh of relief coming from me tonight haha.

I leave 2 weeks from tommorrow. Yes! So I'm tying up loose ends here (not very many and not too many of significance actually) and thinking about starting to pack but in all reality not making any progress at all. Once I get through this last week of work I'll spend the week after packing and sorting and what not.

Work is going to be wierd without the SRP desk, ohhh Summer Reading and how I hated asking kids if they wanted to sign up haha, actually won't be so bad unless we run out of task slips again which would be mucho bad. But we still do have the computer room but that still only leaves desk stuff for dos personas at a time.

Anyways deviating from work, I was thinking about my major again today, and how maybe I'd like to switch it...bottom line...decided to leave it and keep my minor as well. Mostly because all the business minors require Econ blah no thanks. We shall see how it all goes.

Alright well I'm assisting in the makin of Teryaki Chicken tonight, and yeah..I stupidly didn't get any movies from the library to watch but oh well there's always tommorrow.

I feel like my entries lately have been mucho boring...ah oh well I guess.

Day 83

I've picked up another extra week at work so my last day is officially set in stone as August 7th. Which is nice, because as of now I have quite a bit to do at work with these media kits we're currently going through. Shelf-reading sucks but I don't mind the other work I'm doing.

I also got out of jury duty today obviously, and I read online that I can't be called again for 2 years...which is fine by me.

So I'm watching ER on DVD of course and am trying to figure out what I'm going to eat before I go to work today.

The past couple of days I've been hungry for b-dubs knowing that we're going Thursday night after work with a group of people.

Alright well I'm out of things to say...aside from only 17 days to go!

Day 81

So this weekend has been pretty great, aside from me spending too much money haha.

Friday night Adam and I made homemade mac and cheese and watched a movie. Saturday we went to the mall had Sarku of Japan and I ended up buying a chair and a mattress pad thinger majigger haha. Then today he shows up at my house with cookies, just because I randomly said they sounded good.

Yesterday I also began organizing a little bit for packing purposes. Mostly just freed up a bag and threw some stuff out. I'm saving the clothes sorting for the last possible minute or few days any ways.

This week...possibly jury duty, B-Dubs for sure Thursday night with everybody, and whatever else happens. We shall see.

Still don't know if I'm working any longer than this week, I suppose I'll find out sometime this week considering the first day of August is Saturday.

Alright well just going to hangout for a bit then shower. Exciting I know.

Day 78

So yesterday was a good news day, Adam is now officially an independent student, which means he's coming back to school with everyone! YES! Oh and I emailed my new Hall Director and I am still on opening committee so I get to move in on the 15th, which means I'm only 22 days away from moving in. Oh man I can't wait. It'll be great being back in Muncie.

Next week is potentially my last week of work unless I get extended a few more days into the following week we shall see. I know it's not the most exciting job but I'm willing to suck it up and hang in there until August 7th to haul in that extra paycheck. So we shall see, August schedule should be out sometime this week or early next week.

Everything is slowly falling into place, and I can officially be excited now. The only that could be better is the weather, seriously doesn't feel like July at all. It's rainy and chilly most of the time here. Blah. It definately hasn't been a hot and humid summer at all.

Ok well I should probably start to get ready for work today, so I can eat and such before I leave. Just have to get through 2 work days so I can see Adam again...whoo.

Day 75

Oh Radio Edits...how amusing they are. I was sitting in the car at the 3rd Walgreens of the night and was flipping stations and happened to catch Don't Trust Me on the radio and the radio edit honestly made me laugh. What's the point of having a radio single where like chorus is constantly cut off haha. Ah anyways...whatever.

Now I'm just sitting here waiting to eat, story of my life. We're having Chinese of the frozen variety. So eh no Hot n' Sour soup dammit lol.

I really don't have much else to say for myself for the moment, too hungry and sore, and tired. Also the story of my life.

Day 73

I live, I'm just tired and as soon as my peas get harvested on farm town I'm hitting the rack. The last couple of days have been busy but yet great at the same time.

Throw in the fact that the court systems really really want me to be on jury and whoo lol. Yeah July 28th, I may possibly have to go down to the courthouse. Exciting I know. blah.

Ah well the peas have been finished so tis all for me tonight kids.

Day 70

Well today turned out a million times better than I expected it would.

Went and saw Harry Potter with Adam, caught the 10:30 showing, then went and had lunch at Sarku of Japan, and we hungout for a little bit after that before he dropped me off at home so he could head to work.

So I was bored and I'm the quest for a backpack so I thought hey one place I haven't checked out is Kohls, so I did, found one I liked and it was onsale. So I called around to different stores and found one that had it haha. So we went and got it after we picked up my mom from work. Beats paying 7 bucks for shipping and it should do the job and hold up better than a cheap Walmart one.



Speaking of Walmart went there and they had sheets; bright blue ones, that I had been eyeing the other day when Adam and I had gone to Walmart for $7.50 so I was like ah what the hell why not. So I bought them too.

I'm pretty sure I'm done spending big money this week. I get paid next Friday...but still don't want to go crazy. Besides I don't really have anything else I want. No, I don't plan on buying my $60 hoodie wishes anytime soon haha. Nor do I plan on buying any new clothes aside from socks and stuff like that. When I'm done with work, I'm just going to sort through the things and see what I do and don't want to take back. But yeah all my major spending is done until it's time for text books...oh boy.

Now I'm watching Blues Brother's 2000 and waiting to eat and such, but once again it's almost 9 at night, my parents are at Borders and no food is being cooked. Luckily lunch was super good and I cleaned my plate lol so I'm not super hungry but I could eat. Ah oh well back to the movie.

Hmmm...

Is $60 a bit much for a hoodie? I wonder what kind of discount Nick can get me? haha. But I like these...

http://shop.pacsun.com/girls/hoodies/Rhodes-Flannel-Hoodie-/index.pro

http://shop.pacsun.com/girls/hoodies/Crazy-Time-Flannel-Reversible-Hoodie/index.pro

http://shop.pacsun.com/girls/hoodies/Duck-Bill-Hoodie/index.pro?colorCd=054

Like the reversible ones better, but I would pick the most expensive ones...haha I have expensive taste, now only if money grew on trees or something.

http://shop.pacsun.com/girls/girls-backpacks/Paige-Merlot-Viceroy-Backpack/index.pro

Hmm...possible...

Anyways just bored and hungry...story of my life.

Day 69

Can we just say fuck this week? Thanks.

Wednesday will be now spent hibernating. The rest of the week will now be spent in a daze between half awake and half asleep...And Sunday I can sleep it all away...oh wait Sunday is going to suck as well because I get to go to a like five hour fucking church service for Cousin # 9's baptism in three different languages. Great. Nobody wants me to have any fun this week.

Argh off to work...

Day 68

Today well rather this morning I've been pondering the possibility of a tatoo and the locations and what it would be. Well I think I've narrowed down the 2nd part. A recurring lyric in this blog has been,

"May your Organs, Fail before your dreams fail you"

I think that's the winner, I was toying around with NFG lyrics, but I don't know none of them seemed to fit. I considered Failure's Not Flattering but I like this lyric by The Matches better.

So we'll see, it's not like I'm going to run out tonight and get this inked onto my body haha. Because yeah location, how I want it done, ect. All need to be figured out as well. Just throwing the idea out there. Who knows it may even not happen. We shall see.

Work till 9 tonight blah, but I only have to close 9 more times over the next three weeks of work...blah that seems like a lot haha.

Ok well I suppose I should finish getting ready, mostly because I've yet again been distracted by music and can't think of anything else to write.

Day 67

Got to sleep in this morning, ahhh glorious sleep!

Anyways just thought I'd write a little something here today because I haven't updated since Wednesday. The last couple of days have been pretty good if I do say so myself.

Heading to my grandparent's house today for my Grandpa's birthday, oh boy...eh. But whatever. Work again all this week but only 3 weeks left. Wowzers.

Ok well I'm entirely too busy listening to music to type something worthwhile, maybe a better update later?

Day 63 Cont...

At the moment I'm trying desperately to write this letter. I don't have one word written down. I've been sitting here almost an hour trying to figure out what to say. It doesn't help that I don't know who I'm addressing, sir? madame? commitie? bsu? I don't know my audience...which is my first road block.

But I think my major roadblock is my instincts. My instinct is not to air this stuff to the public. It scares me. I don't want people to judge me based of other people's actions. Plus, I feel like...its something I don't know enough about to really talk about. The last thing I want to do is present information that contradicts other information that is being presented, that may raise questions and put up red flags which would be horrible...all because I don't have my facts straight.

The details are all fuzzy to me at the moment, and I'll can come up with are a list of apologies...and feelings of patheticness towards myself. The details that aren't fuzzy are the ones that don't pertain to this particular situation and won't help. I'm also honestly afraid I'll go off on a tangent that definately doesn't pertain to the situation at all.

This is exactly why I've put this off...because I'm afraid to fail, and be the let down, and it looks like I'm living up to those self-proclaimed lables. Dammit, if only I could write like I used to. I'm afraid I've lost that part of me....I haven't been able to write like that in a long time.

I need shrink-a-tized don't I? Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew or any shrink really...would have a field day with me.

At the moment, I fear the reprecusions of my lack of sucess.I guess I better hope the writing juices start flowing here or I'm up shit's creek.

Day 63

I have a bad feeling, a bad gut feeling that none of this will last. I have a feeling that all of this will come crumbling down on me. Things are already falling back into their old places.

If that happens I'm throwing in the towel...

We'll see how things are by January, I have a feeling I'll most likely be permanently home by then.

Day 62

*Click the Above Picture to Make Bigger*

I would say I'm hovering somewhere between a 2 and a 5 the majority the time these days. And today we got to throw in some knee pain thanks to hauling books down to storage multiple times today. I'm falling apart. Should a 19 year old be facing a pain level of even 2-5 everyday? Argh.

I've found that stress makes it worse, now today I wasn't too stressed out but the physical labor drove it up today. Although coming home and recieving a low blow didn't help me any.

I think I'm going to go work on a different project instead of sitting here griping.

Day 61

I'm up and mostly ready for the day just sore still. Yeah, left side of my body still shulder down my leg. Just annnoying...blah.

Maybe more of an update later, gotta finish getting ready to walk up to the bus.

Day 58

Well out of curiousity I just googled or rather swagbucked (and got another one FYI yess for being at 270!) how many days I have left in the Fort, can you believe that I'm 42 mere days away from going back? I thought the number would never seem to get smaller when I was so close to a hundred but now, wow...it's exciting.

Today went to Big Lots because they had some seaons of ER for $6, I now own seasons, 1, 2, 3, & 7. I also picked up bed risers for $8. Seem pretty legit so they should work. Now all I have to get is random stuff that could all be purchased and fit into one of those little baskets at Walmart haha. Although I would really like a new backpack for school but we shall see. They had some today on sale at MC Sports when were there today. My old one is just well old and has a big stain on the back of it. Blah. We'll see I guess.

Going to cook some burgers out on the grill tonight. Tommorrow we're heading up to Angola for the annual parade and then out to pizza afterwards.

I'm kind of ready for a nap, got up too early-ish, and have to get up at a decent hour so we can drive up there for the parade. Ah well I'm going to see if my charcoal is ready yet. So more another time.

This is What I Do at Work....

Well on a good day that doesn't have me hauling boxes and books and heavy things that make my arms hurt haha.

Day 56

I had a dream last night that my boss was going to make me paint parking spaces lines with a crayola yellow washable marker. In the middle of a heat wave.

Then this morning I woke up, got tooth paste on my shirt and feel like I want to punch someone.

This is what going to bed in not a good mood does to you.

I guess I'll head to work soon and see what else this already shitty day has instore.

Day 54

Itchy oh so itchy. I need a nice oatmeal bath or something. No I don't have chicken pox but I do seem to itch all over with a rash in places. I wish it would stop it's been driving me crazy all day. Gah I feel like I'm going crazy with all this itching. What's wrong with me? Gah....plus I somehow have gotten a nice sized bruise on the top of my foot...WTF? Where'd that come from?

Ah anyways on a side note, tommmorrow we release the butterflies at work. I get to assist whoo. Haha.

I can't concentrate enough to write anything at the moment...

Day 53

Today I ache...from the inside out. The outside ache is winning though...causing me far more pain. My shoulder just throbs, sending pain down my arm and into my hand. Nothing really I can do for it though aside from riding it out. Two months later it still almost feels like the day I hurt it in the first place. At the moment it doesn't matter how I sit or situate myself...nothing stops the ache.

Lately I can't seem to think...or find the motivation to do much. I still have yet to write that stupid letter to get me out of jury duty. I'm falling into that it's summer I don't want to do shit mode. Sure I do stuff at work, but at home...haha. Yeah right. I've been too lazy to put my laundry away for weeks. It's all just stacked up on my computer chair.

I'm slowly but surely letting things that were on my potential list of things to do this summer remove themselves be removed from that list. Maybe some other summer....but not this year. Because somebody in this world has to be realistic for once right? Thanks to society...money is a determaninent for everything...and like the majority of people I need more of it, and must make sacrifices to obtain it. Therefore things on the list must go. Mostly because I refuse to be stuck in socio-economic pattern that my parents and people I know families are stuck in. I will not be stuck with a minimum wage job where I get shitty hours. Hell, I've started off better than that already with my first job. I'm already full time and making more than minimum wage so at any point in my life why should I settle for anything less than that? Only if it's life or death. Otherwise, I'll continue to strive for better. At the very least to shove in the faces of the people who said this is a waste, that this is pointless...that I couldn't do it. Yeah that's right a big F U to them. So if that means I have to walk into a bank tommorrow and take out a loan for 8 grand to pay for school than so be it. I sure as hell ain't sticking around here for longer than I have to. This place is a cess pool full of negativity...and people who don't give a shit.

I will work my ass of the rest of the summer to guarentee my job for next summer. Plus, seriously questioning this whole cell phone thing again...wondering if it's really a necessary expense. We shall see haven't fully decided, may wait until August if anything. I'll be dropping a shitload of money in August anyways...probably all of the money I have in my account that I have at the moment, if not more. Ah oh well...work your ass off and it's gone with a snap of the fingers. Isn't life grand?

I suppose I should go read this book is due Tuesday and I still have quite a ways to go in it...my lunch chatting has put me behind in my reading.

Day 52

Good day, just started too early and didn't sleep all that many hours last night. So I'm pretty wiped out right now. Definately going to bed early tonight. If I don't fall asleep sitting here right now which could very well happen.

Too tired to really think of anything but sleeping so yeah, just wanted to let you guys know I'm still kicking and glad I only have 4 days to work this week. 3 Day weekend next weekend! Yes! Plus already looking forward to Thursday night. Hopefully this week will be alright...just need to start it off well by being well rested haha.

Alright well I think I'm going to lye down and put on an episode of ER to watch.

Day 50

After a horrendously shitty day, I can't even count on the one thing I look forward to everyday. But apparently my favorite part of the day isn't that important, so I'll probably just head to bed at 11 instead of sitting around waiting. By 11 I'll have waited an hour and a half, and I have to be at work super early tommorrow. Plus the only thing that's on TV is stuff about Michael Jackson. Oh boy.

Started the day off feeling blah, and ending the day feeling shitty; in multiple ways. I definately feel like I need a week of hermtized days. I honestly don't feel like doing anything other than sleeping or lying in bed staring at a wall or something exciting like that.

I've officially decided that if I can't get the 8 grand that I need for school, I'm dropping out. I know I'm going to loathe anywhere else than BSU so what's the point? Plus I'd have to change my major...and I don't know what the hell I'd change it to. So fuck it. Where do I sign up for welfare? I'll join the drain on the enconomy...as a big FU to the financial aid people for giving me shit this year. FYI kids, if you have a 3.6 GPA and make the Deans List that still doesn't qualify you for the Academic Competiveness Grant. It's times like these that I almost wished I drank or something that makes you either numb out or pass out. Too bad I don't like puking though because I'm pretty sure if I took something that did that too me, I'd be sick...so I'll pass. Hey maybe the world will really end 2012 and I won't have to worry...one can only hope. heh.

Alright well almost 11, time is running out...just another shot to the gut/heart wherever you'd prefer to hit me.

Day 48

So I have to admit that I probably should've gone to bed earlier than 1 AM last night. I am pretty tired at the moment but I was enjoying the conversation too much to even consider getting offline any earlier. Plus work being incredibly boring today didn't help me much either.

Only three more days of work till the weekend, and then I get to spend all day with the Boy :-). Seriously can't wait.

I am randomly watching a show about stress on PBS. Yeah, I'm the only kid you know who willing turns on PBS to watch something on a regular basis haha. It's a National Geographic Special haha.

Well I'm not sure what else I want to say so this is it for me tonight.

Day 47

Wow, almost to day 50 of summer break. Awesome. That means the days till we go back are getting smaller. Although when I think of that now, I get a twinge of nervousness in my stomach. He's told me not to be nervous about it, but I can't help it. School won't be the same without him there. I'll go to class, work, and when I'm not doing that I don't know what I'll do. I suppose study, and be incredibly bored and lonely. I think that if it ended up being that way, my sophmore year just wouldn't measure up at all. Knowing that he's stuck here...miserable would be incredibly hard for me. Yes I do care about him that much. Yes I am scared and worried about this. I don't want going back to school this year to be bittersweet. I want this all to go away, and have it just be a dream, a prank even.

So please send good thoughts our way please. So everything works out...I can't leave my other half behind. I can't. I think that might cause a huge regression...and I don't want that at all. The possibility of that scares me too.

This past year and mostly good things happening to me was definately a new thing for me. A good new thing. But I don't want this next year to be the opposite. Can't we just build off the good things?

I know...I'm a pathetic worry-wart, but sometimes I just can't help it, especially when it comes to the person I care about so much.

Day 46

I've spent a little time tonight re-reading some old blog enteries I wrote the past couple of years, I don't know I like going back and reminiscing or atleast trying to remember or sometimes forget about what was happening then. Or even just realizing how much I've changed since I wrote those enteries. I hate to see how bad my greatestjournal enteries are haha, from like 2004. Yeah, I've been blogging for a long time. All through high school and still through college.

I don't know ever since 8th grade, I've just had these urges to write all kinds of things. Too bad my grammar sucks haha, and that I'm better about writing about random life happenings than about factual things, or I could've made a career out of it, but I think I'll just stick to this hobby. But yet once again I'm feeling like a need a good blog again, I just feel like most of my enteries as of late, have been boring and plain just discussing the details of my life, instead of anaylzing things or whatever you know? I don't know we'll see, half the time I'm too tired to anaylzing anything except for the joints that hurt, how pathetic is that?

As of now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of jury duty if I'm picked, I got a summons notice in the mail today. Oh joy. Thanks Indiana, you're amazing. :-/.

Well I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed, and enjoy sleeping in, yes!

Day 44

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

Day 42

We're 18 days away from approaching the two months at home mark. At that point, I'll only have roughly 3 weeks of work left. Whoa. Not that that is a bad thing.

Had today off since I have to work Saturday. It's been nice, spent the morning with Adam. Took a nap this afternoon and woke up and swallowed and had the worst pain I've ever felt in my life in my throat and ears. Oh wow, my throat still hurts when I move my head in a certain way and when I swallow. So yeah...what the heck?

Drove around in the Audi today, I don't know I think when I get a car, I want something younger, not that it isn't nice to drive...but I felt kind of old driving it haha. Plus, no aux out on the stereo...lame. Stuck listening to lame ass Ft. Wayne radio stations...blah. I've actually gotten a lot of driving in the past two days haha, I've literally been all over town. Tommorrow I do it all again as well. I dunno it's just unusual for me.

Not looking forward to the next few days, blah. I want to fast forward to Monday, please and thank you. Plus I get paid again next Friday. Hopefully this computer won't act up again, yeah it had another one of it's...Hi I'm not going to turn on for you episodes this week. Grr. I really don't want to be dropping that kind of money for yet another laptop, plus going through a laptop a semester, probably not good. Ah well I need to find something to do this weekend, gotta have something to look forward to. We'll see what I can come up with....

Ah well have to go pick up the moms soon, so that's all for me now.

Day 40

FUCK!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! I hate this. My head just may explode, stress has turned this bitch of a headache into a migrane. I'm so screwed. If this is a sign of what's to come this week then fuck it, I already know this weekend is going to suck but this is definately a shitty way to start off the week. I feel like throwing this piece of shit out the window... GAH!!

Day 39

I'm pretty sure I know who the Nobelsville blog reader is...who infact doesn't even live in Nobelsville...who actually lives about 2ish hours North of there. Haha. I have a feeling somehow Adams computer/ipod thinks it's in Nobelsville for some reason. Yep...pretty sure the mystery is solved.

Is it bad that I have growing list of things that I'm mad about for a certain person? Just feel like majorly yelling at them. But seeing as I haven't talked to them in awhile I don't know how'd that go and they'd probably be like what the hell? Ah oh well, doesn't change the fact that I hold things against them. Eh.

I'm stuck on what to write at the moment...I mean in this blog anyways. So many things have been swimming around in my brain today. Things that have said...go outside more, you wear entirely too many t-shirts, be more risky, make a difference in people's lives. I don't know...I haven't really been thinking about anything bad...just I don't know about the possibilites that life presents. I don't know...I have big dreams I guess...I just hope they aren't all pipe dreams.

"May Your Organs Fail...Before Your Dreams Fail You..."

Day 37

Tired, my lips are extremely chapped. We were at CVS tonight too..should've stopped into to get some chapstick...wasn't thinking lol. Luckily chapstick is cheap, I always seem to lose those stupid things. Plus I can buy it with the dollar I found today haha.

I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, should've went upstairs on my lunch and looked for a movie...but didn't ah oh well...maybe I'll read or watch some ER. We shall see, at the moment I'm hungry and ready for dinner.

I don't know lately at work I've just felt like a loser, I'm the youngest one there, and I feel like everybody talks down to me. I know I'm not as "stylish" or whatever as the other girls, but why waste the money on clothes I'm only going to be wearing regularly for a couple of months? Ah I don't know...work is just kind of a lonely place unless I'm interacting with kids in the computer lab...that's become my new favorite place to be.

Plus I've had the reverse homesickness kicking again...just longing to be back in Muncie. Gah, I'm seriously really really really really really looking forward to school. Oh how I miss it. I miss Noodles...I miss Atrium food, I miss Woodworth food, I miss super hot shower water, I miss music in the bathroom, I miss being with Adam and my friends everyday, I miss Late Night, and movies, and just all of it. Gah I'm pathetic aren't I? Ah oh well...that's how I feel.

Oh! And I talked to Jake last night and found out that Matt and Ethan are coming to BSU in the fall..Schweet. Well mostly about Matt...never really hungout with Ethan. But should be even more good times. Although they'll be living in the honors dorms boo. Ah oh well...still looking forward to going back regardless.

And...to whoever you are from Nobelsville who is constantly reading my blog, Hi!! I still have yet to figure out who you are and if I know anybody from Nobelsville. Last summer I got lost there on the way to Warped but that's about it haha. Maybe it's the guy from Goodyear who gave us the directions haha. Doubt it.

Day 35

Oh, what a day...

It rained today so the library was esepcially busy. I had to assist numerous patrons today. And the two hours I worked Desk 2 were complete chaos. Plus after that I stayed out on the floor for the next hour to pick up a bit and make sure things didn't get too crazy again because Meg was left there to fend for herself without a computer room person to assist. Things that happened today; Some kid peed themselves in the computer room gah, a toy got thrown up on top of the playscape which I had to track a ladder and retrieve myself, I had to call security on a group of older kids who were smoking and wiping their noses on the windows. All that coupled with helping numerous people find books they were looking for and pushing the Summer Reading Program on yet more people has worn me out.

Oh and did I mention that the weather is making my body currently hate me? Yeah, ask me what joint doesn't hurt at the moment...knees, fingers, wrists, shoulders.

I also found out today that it's a good thing I got hurt at school or I would've been screwed if I had really seriously gotten hurt/sick in the future. Stupid insurance company. Not that my shoulders have fully recovered....they still ache when I stretch too far or sometimes while I'm just sitting....things take time to heal when they get used all the time heh.

I think that I'm going to collapse into hopefully a nice deep sleep....I need it. As much as I want to talk to Adam...I hope he understands. I really have been longing to see him though, and I truely can't wait for this work week to be over so I can see him. Knowing that...really helps pull me through the week.

Day 34

Wow that number just keeps climbing. Anywho just a quick post before I head out to work.

Woke up this morning feeling strangely energized, and in a love the world mood. Not hating it. Hopefully this lasts the duration of the day, we shall see.

Day 33

Oh, well tonight's arguement is over who needs counseling...*raises hand* that would be me. Ahhhh but I'm not about to get in the middle of this one.

This arguing does not at all help my splitting headache. Argh.

On a lighter note, work today actually went by pretty fast. I've found that I enjoy working at the SRP table haha. You interact with loads of people, and pretty much can constantly stay busy. Plus we had Germanfest story time today. That was pretty fun. I think things will be less boring now that SRP has started. Schweet. lol.

Alright well I'm going to finish watching Gossip Girl and hop in the shower.

Day 32

Friday and Saturday were pretty awesome...but today I apparently fail. So...yeah, Sorry.

I'm sitting here waiting, I had to go eat, I said well I'll talk to you later, and got the maybe response. So...yeah, that means I fail. I'm never going to get this right am I?

I hate times like these because I constantly beat myself up about it, makes my stomach hurt. Gah.

Somebody needs to give me special powers so I can never be tired, I need to obviously be like the Cullens and not need to sleep...(ahh my nerdy Twilight reference lol.) Sleeping and needing to rest in general gets me in trouble lately. Really it has...but I don't know what to do; I don't function or feel very well without a good amount of sleep/rest which lately I've been lacking...I try to catch up and then catch shit for it...ehh.

Day 28

Ah well the best part of the day was looking up from doing something and seeing Adam walking into CHI, I was like whoa...but good happy surprised whoa. :-)

Felt kind of blah all day, not really sick but not the best either. Kind of like my body saying, hey a cold is coming or I'm fighting one off. I'm hoping it's the latter of the two. Plus been super tired this week. Fell asleep last night before 10 while reading Twilight, not because it's boring but because I was laying down, and night night after that lol.

Ah well 2 days down and 3 to go this week and then only 7 weeks left of work. And...I get paid next week. Yeahhh. Even though I have yet to spend any money I've earnt from working. Ah, and good news, I'm still in contention for weddings this summer as well too. I got a call either yesterday or the night before to do one this Saturday but I'm working eh but...he said he'd keep calling when more come up since I don't work every Saturday. Yesss...gotta love the tax free money, that is wayyy less boring to earn than the taxable income blah.

Ah well I'm going to read a bit while Adam finishes showering.

Day 26

Today I was planning on just chilling this morning, eat lunch, then go up to the bank. Ah well I still got to the bank but just a little earlier.

My dad and I rode our bikes up to Georgetown, and we had Bandidos...nom nom. Best by far is the chips and salsa, but I miss the mint sticks you get after your meal :( lameness.

I need to get my ass in gear when it comes to reading, I'm only a little over a hundred pages into Twilight and two of my Traveling Pants books are in, annnd I'm quickly working my way through the line for New Moon and the other books, I believe I've gone from 25th to 13th since Thursday, and I'm first in line for Eclipse at the moment and 13th for Breaking Dawn. I guess I'll lay off renting the DVDs for awhile and read in my free time haha. Which I do on commercial breaks and such. Plus at lunch, and before work if I'm there early; which I usually am.

Reserved my text books today, figured I'd beat out the kids fro orientation for my core classes eh. Oh and I bought a t-shirt from threadless but...then cancelled it after decided the shirt wasn't all that great after all.

Ok well back to my episode of 7th Heaven, watching this one and then 1 more tonight then reading while I wait for Adam. Feel bad about not being able to talk to him this morning/early afternoon.

Day 25

The past few days have been good, I'm just tired now haha. I'm glad I don't have to work tommorrow.

I can officially say I've jumped on the Twilight bandwagon, I picked up the first book yesterday at the library to read. I have the next two on hold, so when they come in they're mine lol.

Is it totally wrong to be making a mental list of things to get before I go back to school already? I mean I am nearing the only 60 days to go mark in a matter of 15ish days.

I haven't decided what I want to do today, but tommorrow I think I want to get my bike out and atleast ride up to Georgetown, need to start getting back into shape. Adam says he wants to ride the river greenway sometime this summer, and I don't want to be dying lol. Problem is I don't get to ride everyday anymore...lameness. Oh well I guess, I'm making the moneyysss now.

I wish my mom and my brother would get home, I'm hungry. Anyways I'll stop before I start rambling about other pointless things.

Day 22

I had my sirsi training today...blah fun fun. I also stuffed 300 envelopes with chess club stuff. Yesterday I got paid to color for five hours haha. Anyways the past couple of days at work haven't been so bad. Which is good.

Right now I'm just worried about him...I think he may be avoiding me. :-( Which if he is wow...that would suck, but lets hope for the best here and say he's just busy with other things right now. We shall see.

I wish I had all the answers but I don't...this transition from being a kid to an adult isn't easy. I wish it was. Ah I'm sure everything will be ok...I sure hope so anyways.

OUCH

So I was making pork chops on the little weber grill tonight and I take the lid off and it hits the side of my left knee. Burnt. OUCH. It burns soooooo much right now. I put some aloe lotion on it but that hasn't done anything.

I shouldn't be allowed to do anything aside from living in a plastic bubble all I do is hurt myself.

Gah....

Day 19

At this moment I could say some things that really get me in trouble, so I'm going to choose to abstain from saying them. Gotta be the bigger person sometimes ya know?

Gah so frustrating. But it always comes around where I'm at fault so yeah...I feel like giving up on everything at this point. Life...work, school everything. What do those things matter anyways? Apparently I don't care...so why should I even care about myself?

I love getting walked all over...I really do. Go ahead...put your foot prints on me, add to the collection.

It's no wonder my stomach constantly hurts...I'm probably working on a nice Ulcer...yay for having ulcers at 19.

Bottom Line...I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I was finally for once in my life figuring things out...turns out...I'm just as stupid as I was before. A real self-esteem booster. Thanks Life...you suck.

Day 16

Wow super tired today...looking forward to just sleeping and not having to get up for work for 3 whole days! YES!

Plus I got to see Adam today YES!

And...work didn't take forever, thank goodness. But I did have something to look forward to. So that was nice.

All I want to do is listen to music for hours upon hours. And sing along at the top of my lungs, no matter how horribly I'm singing. Just like I used to do when nobody was home. It would be loud...like shake my floor loud in my room haha. And every night I would fall asleep to music. I want to fall into that again so badly. I think that's a reason why I went on a music binge last night. Being in silence at work...just drives me crazy. I need the music to help keep me sane. Today at lunch I broke down and actually listened to music, the first time I've done that. It did give me a needed pick me up and got me through the afternoon. Psh who needs drugs, or smoking or whatever I have Adam and Music...what more could I possibly need in life?

Nice.

So just remember a couple of minutes ago I downloaded the new Straylight Run EP...first track...excellent.

"I'm through with the past...but the past isn't through with me..."

Ain't that the truth. Ah well I should stop my music binge...yeah this evening/night definately can be labled as a music binge haha, and I should go to bed because I have to get up for work at 6:45...whoop-eeeeeee.

By the way...my predictions for this EP before I listen to the rest of it...are Excellent...definately need to update the ipod this weekend.

Day 15

Wanted to make sure I got this count thing started again haha. Anyways tired, hungry and sitting around at 8:30ish waiting for food that isn't even being made yet. Blah. Don't they realize lunch was over 6 hours ago? Ah oh well I guess. *sigh*

Work is alright I guess, don't work at the library if you want a face paced exciting job that's for sure. I don't know how these people do it and actually enjoy their jobs. I like dining better because it was a little more fast paced than this. Hmm books...so fast paced not lol.

Basically only 9 weeks to go...45 more days of work. Oh geeze that sounds terribly long.

I hope things pick up once school gets out...I really do. heh.

I'm not exactly sure what day it is...

Well I know it's Monday, but anyways; just sitting here on my dinner break chiilin'. Next time I'll have to bring more food LOL. I'm not quite as nervous as I thought I would be. The only nerve wracking part was hoping that the bus showed up on time LOL. But it did(sorta) and all is well.

During my explore the library website time I found a calendar of events that has the weeks numbered. 10 weeks from now it will be the end of July. Leaving me with a day or so short of two weeks from heading back to BSU YES!!!!

I just hope all work days don't drag on like this. I'm hoping it's because I didn't really get to do anything but watch and listen to the same things over and over again. They need to speed up muy rapido LOL

So yay for a job with great wifi acsess for mobile blogging among other things. Now only of my IM ap would connect. Tried getting on to see if Adam was on but wouldn't connect, LAME. Ah well back to checking the facebook and twitter before my last 3 hours of work today.

Day 11

I'm having one of those days where I just want to sleep and stare blankly at the TV. Everything I seem to do or say is wrong. It seriously makes me question why I even bother doing anything anymore. Maybe it's time to be a hermit again, and hole up in my room for the summer. Lock the door, and stare at endless tv shows all summer.

I don't know, I'm just really mentally drained right now. I have too many things swarming through my brain; work, home life, me not being good enough, I don't know just lots of things. Is summer supposed to be this hard? If so...I'm ready to check out.

Plus this pounding headache isn't helping the situation any. But what can I do? I'm stuck here for the next 3 months.

At this point, I'm really starting to question if everything will be ok.

Day 9 I think...

You miss the things you cherish the most when they're not there anymore. But I think that's how you know that this is for real, and that every longing or twinge of lonliness is for them.

Hopefully it won't stay this way too long... I'm already feeling like a piece of me is missing.

"You're what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead,strength in my bones put the words in my head, when they pour out to paper it's all for you..."

Day 8

So if we hit every other it's not a total loss right?

Anyways I actually wrote yesterday atleast a page. Whooo! haha.

Went today with Adam to the library to fill out paperwork before I start on Monday. I think it'll be good. I'm not too nervous yet. Plus having some cash will be nice.
Super nice day today too.

But I'm also super tired, didn't sleep well at all last night, so tonight I'll probably watch some tv/dvds and just chill and hopefully sleep amazingly tonight. I thought about taking a bike ride this afternoon but too tired right now. So maybe tommorrow or this weekend we shall see.

Got Lars and the Real Girl, and Charlie Bartlett along with a disc of Gossip Girl to watch. Plus I still have a lot of ER too.

Alright well I think I'm going to pop a dvd in and chill for awhile.

Day 6 : Yeah I know I'm a Slacker

Been busy though, with various things.

Super tired, didn't know I was up at 4:30ish this morning, and was up until 6:30ish, then slept off and on until 9:30ish. Yikes.

But today was still good and fun overall. :-)

Well seeing Adam always makes any day a gazillion times better!

Tommorrow I break out the bicycle, to prepare it for the summer, and continue cleaning I suppose blah.

But for now...sleepy time is much needed.

Day 3

Today was pretty good. Went bowling with Adam, Marc, Charles, his girlfriend and some other people. Then to Taco Bell of course haha.

Also watched Patch Adams this afternoon. And I've decided to pick up reading a new book series. I already know I want to read the twilight series but I need to put holds on the books. So today I picked a variety of first books from different series. Well sorta, I got the 2nd book in the traveling pants series, The Golden Compass, and some other one I can't think of off the top of my head.

I'm just pretty sore right now, and hoping going to my Grandma's house won't be a fiasco like it was the last time we were there. Oh you know, no tornado warnings, no bats, no fearing for my life in the car on the way over and back. One can hope right? But so far so good this summer, the only tears shed have been over realizing that summer is entirely too long and that I'm going to miss seeing everyone everyday.

Ah well back to watching Monk.

Day 2

Have a phone picked out. Just gotta wait for my account to get some funds before purchasing.

Got a bunch of movies to watch this weekend, and probably seeing Adam tommorrow :)

So far...Summer isn't so bad. I still can't wait until August though!

Blogging Summer 09' : Day 1

I just had a random idea to blog on every day of my 102 days of summer. About anything really.

Today hasn't been bad. And it went by fairly fast which is good. And if I keep this habit up my room should be sparklie with cleanliness by the time I get done haha. But keeping busy is definately key and work should definately help with that.

Things that may occur or that I have decided I am going to do this summer:

1. Read the Twilight Books
2. Since I'm working get myself a pre-paid phone. I'll be able to afford the $30 a month to keep it alive.
3.See Adam atleast once a week, hopefully more :)
4.Possible Cedar Point Trip with Adam and possibly Andrea?!?!
5. Find some interesting movies to watch at the library
6. Blog Everyday haha.
7. Listen to some good music
8. Find other interesting books to read
9. Possibly Work on the story or just write more in general. Or at the very least...go back and read.

That's all I can think of right now.

103 Days Until I'm Back at BSU

And that fact has brought me to tears. I love it so much there. How am I going to survive a 103 days here? I'm going to miss everyone so much. Not seeing everyone everyday is going to stink. That seems like an eternity. I hate it.

I just want to be with my friends again.

Summer Breaks are overrated.

I'm Awake

My roomie is asleep but I'm awake thanks to lawn mowers, itchy eyes, and shoulder area pain.

Entering my last three days at BSU for 3 months. I start work on the 18th, at the library...shouldn't be too bad. I'll just keep telling myself atleast it's not fast food.

Anyways, going to go get ready and enjoy the last few days of freshmen year.

The sun is shining....

But I'll never measure up

Felt Something Like....Felt Something Like Love....

I've been up since 7:40 this morning and right now I'm pretty hyper. Don't know why exactly but I am.

It's been an extremely busy week, and I've gotten a lot accomplished. I've already completed all my sociology homework today, and went to a meeting about my presentation next week. I'm leaving in a lil bit to go pass out flyers at the scramble light for Frog Baby.

Only 5 things leftish on my to do list lol. Only one that's due tommorrow...which I will hopefully do before work tonight.

So...boys can be weird. A couple of em' anyways. I just don't get it I guess. Eh oh well. My undying love for a celebirty ended a long ass time ago. Maybe they're a late bloomer?

Atleast the weather is getting better, supposed to be 65 today :)

Ah well I suppose I should try and get back on my productive trail...

Hmm...

Life is pretty copasetic at the moment. Just...I don't know living it I suppose and winning free things at Family Fued doesn't hurt.

Someone please send me suggestions on what to buy on itunes...I seriously have like $50 sitting my account.

Oh...and say hello to a newly employed Ball State Dining Employee! haha...Exciting I know.

Anyways entering the final 5 weeks of my freshmen year of college. Wow...the year just flew by...in a good way.

That's pretty much all I have to say...yep.

:-)

Wow...

I seriously fail at blogging lately.... Been busy. Maybe more of a real update when I'm not on my iPod.

A Little Over 7 Days to Go...

Spring Break = survival time. All I wanted was a non-eventful quiet lazy spring break. So far all I've gotten is Summer 2006 all over again.

I was up until 2:30ish last night because of my stomach...lovely. Now I'm sooo tired. I'm not looking forward to the rest of the week either. I have a feeling it's going to suck just as bad. I can't wait until I go back to BSU. Life is so much simpler...and better. I wish I could live there and never leave.

So for now...FML. This sucks. I'd much rather go to class and write gazillions of papers then do this all over again.

Wednesday

"Cause lately I'm not dreaming...so what's the point in sleeping?"

Really just getting the point where I just want to sleep the days away though. Gah sooo tired. Would rather sleep than deal with life...just because...I can. Have class in less than an hour though. Joy.

Uhh Hi!?!

Wow, I fail at blogging. Especially lately. Guess I haven't really been in the blog writing mood lately. I have been writing endless papers for various classes, that's probably why. Why should I write recreationally when I have to for class? haha. Plus super busy with other stuff too.

Next week is Spring Break, so you know I'll be bored enough to blog then, so expect the updates!

Ohhhh College.

Makes you open up your eyes to so many things. I guess that's what it's about though, thinking about things, discussing/debating them. Trying to see things from a lot of different view points so you can form your own opinions/beliefs about them.

Watching Bowling for Columbine in my Sociology class right now. Movie makes me angry, not because it's a Micheal Moore film but because of what it reveals...gah. I wish our society could just go through a major overhaul...*sigh*

Anyways switching gears, shooting a music video this weekend for Don't Trust Me by 3oh!3 haha should be fun times, and if we can pull off what we've envisioned it should be better than the original video in my opinion.

Also ER is winding down, Dr. Carter has cancer! What!?!! NO! Ahhhh!

Only a couple of more weeks of classes before Spring Break too....CRAZY.

Via I-touch

Hey just testing out a new so on my touch

Bring on Summer 09'!

WHAT!?!?!

Rumors Rumors Rumors. Good Rumors. Hopefully not rumors that will just get my hopes up and only have them come crashing down. And those rumors would involve....

Blink 182...and them putting out a new record.

a) They are all talking now
b) They're presenting an award together at the Grammys on Sunday (which makes me want to watch haha)
c)David Kennedy is the one spreading this rumor on modlife apparently
d) It's a huge ass deal on APnet right now

All I can say is whoa!!! Only been waiting since 2005 for this!

Almost the Weekend....

Well the good news is that we had a snow day yesterday due to a foot of snow falling here at good ole' BSU.

Bad news is that life is chaotic and that this is a scary time for pretty much a lot of people I know. I wish we were maybe older or younger, older so we would've been through school by now...younger so we could still cling on to worry free childhoods for the most part. Unfortunately it isn't that simple. Atleast we've all got each other...together we'll get through all of this. Atleast...that makes it seem a little less scary.

The present needs to be a time of change, something has to be done...I just hope it's sooner rather than later. Back to what Dr. Mike said, Hope...Pray....Go Outside enjoy the weather, and remember atleast your in college by the fact alone you're helping your future.

Hey Guys Do Me a Favor....

Add me as a friend on Swag Bucks! Hey you can earn points just for searching and get cool prizes. Plus it would help me out too...so maybe just sign up and help Sarah out? Please...I'll send you mp3's or something in exchange, I have an extensive collection!

http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=314966

New Current Favorite Song.....

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When I go to sleep for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears.
When they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

I Want To Know Your Plans by Say Anything

Brr...It's Cold Outside.

So far classes have been good, the weather however has been terrible. Cold, Snow...wind chill...ick. My face is not liking it...it's beginning to get noticeably chapped. Gah.

Windchill tommorrow is supposed to be as low as -20. Lovely. I'd much rather stay in my nice warm dorm room than venture out but unfortunately I have to. Blah. Oh well, atleast I have a nice 3 day weekend to look forward to.

1ish Day to Go!

So last night was pretty much the best night of break by far! Got to hangout with Adam, and some other friends as well. I think it's the longest period of time over break we actually got to spend together. Which was very very very very very nice. Only downside was that when I went home and went to bed...nausea but I'm ok now...well stomach wise.

I tried to do something nice for my brother today. See it snowed and he's still on cructhes so I went out this afternoon after it had stopped snowing and shovled the walk and the driveway. Now I'm paying for my good deeds, arms are killing me...cut them off please, thanks. Plus it's in my back a bit but that's barely noticable agains the arms. I'm missing my icy hot right about now haha. May have to take a nsaid tonight to get to sleep.

I've been thinking here in the last few hours about some stuff, not necssairly bad things. But just things I need to work on. One of which is complaining less about my damn aches and pains. We all know that I have them by now...no need to make a huge fuss everytime it happens. Also thinking before I speak...wouldn't kill me in pretty much every aspect of my life...with my parents, Adam, kids in class....pretty much anybody. I know I say some things I shouldn't and I'm determined to make that a less frequent happening. Another thing is being less anxious...if I can find a way to worry less and have less stomach aches. Dude...bring it on. I'd rather to be able to eat what I want and have my pants fitting tight than be swimming in them and and being naucious at night several times a week.

Well...I think my parents just got home, so tis all for me tonight.

Washing Dishes Wasn't a Total Drag...

I randomly picked up this cd off my desk and re-fell in love with it. All I can say is thank you Chris Carabba. Definately ripping this one before I leave, it's a must have...haha tommorrow or Saturday I really need to finish ripping all my must haves. Yeah, I've been lazy.

You Know What I Miss?

A decent night's sleep. Sooo tired. Didn't fall asleep until 2ish and was woken up to everybody waking up and vaccuming and gah. Couldn't fall back asleep so I got up and showered. Haven't let myself take a nap though, I did that yesterday and had trouble falling asleep so today no nap! Plus I think I'll sleep better when I can finally fall asleep in his arms again...

"I Like where you sleep...when you sleep...next to me.."

Spent most of the day just watching tv/movies. I still have yet to do dishes, really not looking forward to that. Which is why I'm blogging ahhhh.

2.5 Days Till I'm Outta Here. I still have to re-pack but other than that...I'm ready to freakin' go. Summer is going to kill me.

Still Fighting It....

Early this morning while I was lying in bed trying to fall back asleep, I thought back on yesterday's events and my mind some how went back to that black composition notebook. I wanted to in the dark, right then and there find it. I lay there thinking about what I would do when I found it...if I would show it to anyone. After finding it this morning and reading it almost right after I made the decision to get out of bed, I realized I can't let anyone read it. Because I know if a certain person would read it....oh man it just wouldn't be good. Even though a lot of it was a long time ago...I still talk to that person and then questions would be raised. So fuck...why did I even write all that shit anyways?

I remember saying before that if anything ever happens me...somebody should hunt it down and read it...but now. I don't think I want that to happen. I'm sure it will end up in the wrong hands someday. But for now it gets re-hidden. Stashed away, most likely to never be written in again. Besides, if I had the chance to re-write it...I'd do it a completely different way. I don't think it fully expresses things anyways.

You know...back in the day...I could write...now it's like it's all be sucked out of me. I can't come up with a single decent idea to write anything but these damn blogs. I used to fill notebooks...binders...even scrap pieces of paper. Now, I sit there...blank piece of paper in front of me...and nothing happens. I'd write...until my hand hurt. Or until my pen died or I lost it and couldn't find another one haha, that happened quite frequently. I guess that era is just over. Half the time I can't even come up with a half-way decent blog entry. Nothing myspace worthy anyways. Haha I considered a blog good when I think it will we get a significant number of hits or comments from friends on myspace...how lame is that?

All I know is that the writing juices better start flowing soon, I'm taking t-com writing classes this semester. If I have shit ideas, I'm screwed. Guess we'll find out soon huh?

This Makes Today Better...

Tuesday Take 2.

I was washing dishes a lil bit ago (you know my one productive activity today) and was just thinking. I hate being stuck in my own head. Can I please have a labatomy and trade in my brain? Thanks.

I'm still stuck in the previous blog entry..that's what I was thinking about anyways. And maybe...I don't know explain myself. When you've been left at home by yourself since 2nd grade...you think a lot...by yourself. It's always been this way...never having "Friends" just acquaintances. It makes it so that when you do get the rare chance to hangout with people it's like...a big buzz. Almost like a high. People wonder why I disliked high school so much? I got robbed. I was anything but typical in high school. You shouldn't go to school and be planning out where the nearest trash can is because you have so much anxiety, because you think that someone is going to come in and make a big disturbance in the middle of one of your classes. Or come home and sleep for 4 hours every day. In my mind that's not something that typical high school kids do after school. I honestly don't know what people do after school. All I ever did was sleep, watch tv, and get on the internet...you know what I do now. Plus...was like this all the time...it's not like I like feeling like this. I hate it.

The friends I did have...are either too busy with other friends, never really got to know me, or have made some questionable choices in my eyes. We always say this friend of ours Jon is too picky about his girls...well maybe I'm too picky about my friends. I don't want to hangout with you if you drink...or do drugs. Maybe I just need to get the stick out of my ass and go play beer pong, light up, or pop some pills. Atleast then I'd have some weekend plans when I'm at home.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore. It's human nature to want to fit in somewhere, to be wanted or atleast thought of enough to be invited to do things. Like I said, when you're not and everyone else is...it eats away at you; little by little and sorry for having a bad day once in awhile. For once...I don't want to be the tag-along, or the after thought...that's what I feel like most of the time. It's just frustrating, wondering how I can be more appealing to people...or what the fuck is wrong with me?

Fuck Tuesdays.

It whispered I am hated
Your Genetic Flaws
I said say it all

Home does bad things to me. Knowing that everybody else has atleast offers to hangout with their friends and I have zero, does bad things to me. Way to boost Sarah's self-esteem. Round of applause for everyone.

Entering the Home Stretch...

Today was pretty amazing. Definately smiling just thinking about it. I wish everyday could be like today. Life would be perfect. Not that it isn't pretty damn close to perfect now.

Just kind of tired, been up over 12 hours now. But I don't care. I'm going to watch Brothers and Sisters and just relax.

8 Days Left.

Why is that when I lose whatever summer tan I had, my scars seem more noticable to me? Today the one of my arm just seems to be glaring at me...reminding me of what people have said about me because of it. I haven't really thought about that or dwelled on that for awhile. I think I just stopped noticing it for the most part until today. That scar and the scar on my pointer finger on my right hand, from when it got cut open this summer while trying to extract bikes from the garage.

Whenever I think about them a lyric from Stars pops into my head "This scar is a fleck on my porcelian skin..." haha sometimes I think I'm so pale in the winter that I could very well look like I'm made of porcelian. Thankfully I'm not that fragile though.

They'll always be a part of me...at the very least, each one has a story right? Sorry being...too....err....analytical this morning?

2009.

It's officially 2009.

2009, holds a lot of uncertainties for everyone I know. Sure, we're in college for this Spring semester, but will we be coming back next Fall. None of this based off grades of course. Kids my age, who like me are jobless and just in school = SOL. Atleast that's the bad feeling I'm getting. I just hope that the feeling is extremely wrong.

But I'm getting extremely ahead of myself, I should just focus on this spring and making the most of that. Can't help it that I'm a worry-er. I hate that sometimes, I get worried about events that are too far in the future. I need to stop that.

I guess, whatever 2009 has in store for me will happen and I should just be ok with that and roll with the punches. I've already accepted that I won't be as close to some people as I once was, we've all grown up and went our seperate ways...sometimes it's just better to completely sever the ties.

We'll see I guess...damn I need to stop being this negative bitter old woman...I'm only 18. 19 in 3 months. Yikes.