Tuesday Take 2.

I was washing dishes a lil bit ago (you know my one productive activity today) and was just thinking. I hate being stuck in my own head. Can I please have a labatomy and trade in my brain? Thanks.

I'm still stuck in the previous blog entry..that's what I was thinking about anyways. And maybe...I don't know explain myself. When you've been left at home by yourself since 2nd grade...you think a lot...by yourself. It's always been this way...never having "Friends" just acquaintances. It makes it so that when you do get the rare chance to hangout with people it's like...a big buzz. Almost like a high. People wonder why I disliked high school so much? I got robbed. I was anything but typical in high school. You shouldn't go to school and be planning out where the nearest trash can is because you have so much anxiety, because you think that someone is going to come in and make a big disturbance in the middle of one of your classes. Or come home and sleep for 4 hours every day. In my mind that's not something that typical high school kids do after school. I honestly don't know what people do after school. All I ever did was sleep, watch tv, and get on the internet...you know what I do now. Plus...was like this all the time...it's not like I like feeling like this. I hate it.

The friends I did have...are either too busy with other friends, never really got to know me, or have made some questionable choices in my eyes. We always say this friend of ours Jon is too picky about his girls...well maybe I'm too picky about my friends. I don't want to hangout with you if you drink...or do drugs. Maybe I just need to get the stick out of my ass and go play beer pong, light up, or pop some pills. Atleast then I'd have some weekend plans when I'm at home.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore. It's human nature to want to fit in somewhere, to be wanted or atleast thought of enough to be invited to do things. Like I said, when you're not and everyone else is...it eats away at you; little by little and sorry for having a bad day once in awhile. For once...I don't want to be the tag-along, or the after thought...that's what I feel like most of the time. It's just frustrating, wondering how I can be more appealing to people...or what the fuck is wrong with me?