Still Fighting It....

Early this morning while I was lying in bed trying to fall back asleep, I thought back on yesterday's events and my mind some how went back to that black composition notebook. I wanted to in the dark, right then and there find it. I lay there thinking about what I would do when I found it...if I would show it to anyone. After finding it this morning and reading it almost right after I made the decision to get out of bed, I realized I can't let anyone read it. Because I know if a certain person would read it....oh man it just wouldn't be good. Even though a lot of it was a long time ago...I still talk to that person and then questions would be raised. So fuck...why did I even write all that shit anyways?

I remember saying before that if anything ever happens me...somebody should hunt it down and read it...but now. I don't think I want that to happen. I'm sure it will end up in the wrong hands someday. But for now it gets re-hidden. Stashed away, most likely to never be written in again. Besides, if I had the chance to re-write it...I'd do it a completely different way. I don't think it fully expresses things anyways.

You know...back in the day...I could write...now it's like it's all be sucked out of me. I can't come up with a single decent idea to write anything but these damn blogs. I used to fill notebooks...binders...even scrap pieces of paper. Now, I sit there...blank piece of paper in front of me...and nothing happens. I'd write...until my hand hurt. Or until my pen died or I lost it and couldn't find another one haha, that happened quite frequently. I guess that era is just over. Half the time I can't even come up with a half-way decent blog entry. Nothing myspace worthy anyways. Haha I considered a blog good when I think it will we get a significant number of hits or comments from friends on myspace...how lame is that?

All I know is that the writing juices better start flowing soon, I'm taking t-com writing classes this semester. If I have shit ideas, I'm screwed. Guess we'll find out soon huh?