1ish Day to Go!

So last night was pretty much the best night of break by far! Got to hangout with Adam, and some other friends as well. I think it's the longest period of time over break we actually got to spend together. Which was very very very very very nice. Only downside was that when I went home and went to bed...nausea but I'm ok now...well stomach wise.

I tried to do something nice for my brother today. See it snowed and he's still on cructhes so I went out this afternoon after it had stopped snowing and shovled the walk and the driveway. Now I'm paying for my good deeds, arms are killing me...cut them off please, thanks. Plus it's in my back a bit but that's barely noticable agains the arms. I'm missing my icy hot right about now haha. May have to take a nsaid tonight to get to sleep.

I've been thinking here in the last few hours about some stuff, not necssairly bad things. But just things I need to work on. One of which is complaining less about my damn aches and pains. We all know that I have them by now...no need to make a huge fuss everytime it happens. Also thinking before I speak...wouldn't kill me in pretty much every aspect of my life...with my parents, Adam, kids in class....pretty much anybody. I know I say some things I shouldn't and I'm determined to make that a less frequent happening. Another thing is being less anxious...if I can find a way to worry less and have less stomach aches. Dude...bring it on. I'd rather to be able to eat what I want and have my pants fitting tight than be swimming in them and and being naucious at night several times a week.

Well...I think my parents just got home, so tis all for me tonight.

Still Fighting It....

Early this morning while I was lying in bed trying to fall back asleep, I thought back on yesterday's events and my mind some how went back to that black composition notebook. I wanted to in the dark, right then and there find it. I lay there thinking about what I would do when I found it...if I would show it to anyone. After finding it this morning and reading it almost right after I made the decision to get out of bed, I realized I can't let anyone read it. Because I know if a certain person would read it....oh man it just wouldn't be good. Even though a lot of it was a long time ago...I still talk to that person and then questions would be raised. So fuck...why did I even write all that shit anyways?

I remember saying before that if anything ever happens me...somebody should hunt it down and read it...but now. I don't think I want that to happen. I'm sure it will end up in the wrong hands someday. But for now it gets re-hidden. Stashed away, most likely to never be written in again. Besides, if I had the chance to re-write it...I'd do it a completely different way. I don't think it fully expresses things anyways.

You know...back in the day...I could write...now it's like it's all be sucked out of me. I can't come up with a single decent idea to write anything but these damn blogs. I used to fill notebooks...binders...even scrap pieces of paper. Now, I sit there...blank piece of paper in front of me...and nothing happens. I'd write...until my hand hurt. Or until my pen died or I lost it and couldn't find another one haha, that happened quite frequently. I guess that era is just over. Half the time I can't even come up with a half-way decent blog entry. Nothing myspace worthy anyways. Haha I considered a blog good when I think it will we get a significant number of hits or comments from friends on myspace...how lame is that?

All I know is that the writing juices better start flowing soon, I'm taking t-com writing classes this semester. If I have shit ideas, I'm screwed. Guess we'll find out soon huh?

Tired of All of This Shit.

Boys...make my stomach churn. I've been from one extreme to another today and I hate it. I've gone from wanting to cry several times today to wanting punch/strangle someone today. That doesn't do a stomach good...let me tell you.

No need to re-hash again, if you really must know...you know how to get ahold of me. But hugs from Matt, Andrea, and laughing about really funny stuff in Derek's room tonight has helped calm me down quite a lot.

God I really do hope this upcoming week is extremely better and is drama free.

It's funny though I thought tonight would turn out differently...especially after a conversation had last night. But definately not, it sucked most of the time.

I should've just stayed single...life is a hell of a lot easier. But good friends are always good to have around too. So thanks to all of you guys for putting up with my temporary rage bursts haha.

Girls...don't let a guy use you for his warm body.

I'm Done.

Let's Get Fall Started....

So, I'm out. It feels good. I had some bad anxiety leading up to it but now that it's been done...I feel....a whole lot better. Yes.

I'm used to be independent anyways, so I feel more like myself. Plus Josherz wants to come down and hang...so that should be fun if and when it happens. Plus life here is still fun, I'm not letting this bring me down at all. I'm good...more than good, a weight is off my shoulders.

Tonight, pizza party...studying. Tommorrow classes, film festival in downtown Muncie...should be cool. Oh and more working on our trailer of course.

Ok well, since I'm feeling pretty damn good right now, I'm gonna hangout with people and do some homework.

And They Let Me Into College?

I feel like a complete idiot right now. After having this blog for two years now, I've just now figured out how to properly use titles haha. I knew it was possible but I was completely lost as how to use them. Today I finally thought, "Hmm...maybe I should google it...", 2 seconds later I found my answer and now I feel like an idiot haha.

So I've gone through all my posts up through July 2008 and titled them the right way. I don't have the time or energy to go back through 350 posts and title them correctly. I'll just promise to title them correctly from now on for those of you who subscribe by feed, you can judge me by my titles now ahaha.

Aside from this minor revelation, I spent the day doing my laundry so I could finish packing. All that's left to do is dust off the TV and find the remote, and pack a few more pairs of socks or something lame like that. And then stow away some of my things in my room so the brother and the parents don't get at them. Like the story....oh how I'm going to miss that. That will be the reason I'll want to come home for break haha. But other than that I think I'm ready. Even though I'm completely worn out right now just from packing and what not.

I just thought I'd update real quick to show that I'm not a complete idiot blogger on here anymore.

Goonies Never Say Die

As I was waiting for my turn in the bathroom this morning, I was doing my usual checking the email and facebook ect. While I was reading everybody's facebook status updates a quote from The Goonies ran through my head;

"Don't you realize? The next time you see sky, it'll be over another town. The next time you take a test, it'll be in some other school. Our parents, they want the best stuff for us.But right now,they got to do what's right for them. Because it's their time. Their time! Up there! Down here, it's our time. It's our time down here. That's all over the second we ride up Troy's bucket."

Why'd this quote pop into my head? Think about it, many of my friends and myself included are leaving our hometowns for the very first time in our lives to go to school. Our parents know it's the right thing for us to go to school....but some of us are understandably nervous and are having second thoughts about this whole process. We could just give up and say screw it Mom, sign me up for Ivy Tech this fall or whatever, but if we do that we essentially give up "our time" Our time to live among our peers without nearly as much supervision from our parents. Our chance to have these experiences...and to thrive. But that also comes with the reality that if you screw up....it's all over.

I know that we're all nervous to some extent, just remember that you're not alone and practically everybody is in the same boat as you. Once we get over this first hurdle of moving in and starting classes, I'm sure we'll all be fine. And if we're not...come personally beat me up or something haha. Goonies Never Say Die...and we should never give up.

Carpe Diem

I woke up this morning and something from Lance Armstrong's book hit me.....and all at once I decided that Carpe Diem was going to be my theme from now own. I don't know why or how but I'm going to....I have to. Why the hell not right? Might as well just sit back and sieze the moment.

I got home from school today knowing that I have somehow yet again lost my key. (somebody should tie the thing to my wrist or something! by the way...still no clue as to where it is!) So I went to the backyard and set all my crap in a lawn chair. My first thought was to do my pre-calc but quickly decided against that. So I took off my shoes and just lay down on the patio. I stared up at the sky and watched the clouds go by...I didn't realize how fast the clouds moved until that moment. Usually when I'm looking at them it's from a moving vehicle so you assume it's just you that's moving and not the clouds. But laying there not moving at all...was almost dizzying but yet so amazing at the same time. After a while there was this big grey cloud and the wind started to pick up. My first thought was oh man it's going to rain and I'm going to get soaked. But I quickly changed my mind and said you know what....let it happen, bring on the rain...besides wouldn't that be straight out of a movie? A girl lying on her patio staring at the sky...and then it just pours. It didn't rain and my dad came home with the key shortly after but it was still just wow.

Life is kind of like the sky...especially here. We have far more cloudy/rainy/snowy days here than anything else. Life is funny that way giving you far more bad than good days. But shouldn't we just take it as it comes even if it moves entirely too fast for our liking sometimes? Maybe we should all live by Carpe Diem and sieze every possible good moment because you never know when those clouds will start rolling in again. Besides most of us will soon be experiencing a whole new set of things....to make the best out of every situation...shouldn't we seize the moment? Or atleast try to....because everything is easier said than done.

So shock me in a good way and I'll love it. Do something for yourself you've always wanted to do....you'll love it. If it's something legal and isn't hurting anyone....don't think twice...just do it. Courage is hard to find....trust me I know....getting up courage is scary but you only live once....and before you know you'll loose your opportunity to do things you've always wanted to do but never did. So...are you going to see anything shocking out of me? We'll....see.

The Economy Has Robbed Me Of my Dreams.

I was sitting here posting on the-n listening to music and just thinking. There was a post about what you like better; watching the sun rise or the sun set. Some how that triggered the Something Corporate song, "I Woke Up In A Car" . Then I began thing about how much I would love just to live out that song. But then it hit me....you're probably never going to be able to drive cross country like that...just enjoying the United States and all it has to offer.

Why not? Gas. It's just no probable unless I somehow strike oil or win a million dollars, or by some stroke of luck get a nice salary someday. New goal in life, if I win a lot of money we're all going on a big road trip and we're not rushing it. We're going to take our sweet time living out our dreams. I want to do this before I'm 40. I have to. Just me...maybe a few close friends, the open road, good music, and a camera to document it along the way. I want to wake up early and watch the sunrise with people I care about, people I have fun with. I want to watch the sunset on a beach somewhere.

I want so much more out of life...than what I'm getting right now. The problem is...some of what I want involves other people...and we're all too lets say shy to make the first move or to even ask to hangout with each other. Plus my golden window of opportunity fell through today. Frankly, the future scares me and part of me believes it'll be a living hell and be nothing but stressful situations. But for now...I'm not going to think about that, I'm going to listen to my Something Corporate album...Leaving Through The Window, it takes me back to when I was worry free for the most part. When life was so much simpler. When I was actually out on that open road... on the East Coast/Southeast. I used to listen to this album every night before falling asleep...it's a major comfort album for me, and so amazing to listen to in the darkness of your room, or from the backseat of a car staring up at the stars as you drive along a desolate country road. Nothing else matters, it's just you, the world, and Something Corporate singing you to sleep.