Day 68

Today well rather this morning I've been pondering the possibility of a tatoo and the locations and what it would be. Well I think I've narrowed down the 2nd part. A recurring lyric in this blog has been,

"May your Organs, Fail before your dreams fail you"

I think that's the winner, I was toying around with NFG lyrics, but I don't know none of them seemed to fit. I considered Failure's Not Flattering but I like this lyric by The Matches better.

So we'll see, it's not like I'm going to run out tonight and get this inked onto my body haha. Because yeah location, how I want it done, ect. All need to be figured out as well. Just throwing the idea out there. Who knows it may even not happen. We shall see.

Work till 9 tonight blah, but I only have to close 9 more times over the next three weeks of work...blah that seems like a lot haha.

Ok well I suppose I should finish getting ready, mostly because I've yet again been distracted by music and can't think of anything else to write.

Day 44

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

Day 39

I'm pretty sure I know who the Nobelsville blog reader is...who infact doesn't even live in Nobelsville...who actually lives about 2ish hours North of there. Haha. I have a feeling somehow Adams computer/ipod thinks it's in Nobelsville for some reason. Yep...pretty sure the mystery is solved.

Is it bad that I have growing list of things that I'm mad about for a certain person? Just feel like majorly yelling at them. But seeing as I haven't talked to them in awhile I don't know how'd that go and they'd probably be like what the hell? Ah oh well, doesn't change the fact that I hold things against them. Eh.

I'm stuck on what to write at the moment...I mean in this blog anyways. So many things have been swimming around in my brain today. Things that have said...go outside more, you wear entirely too many t-shirts, be more risky, make a difference in people's lives. I don't know...I haven't really been thinking about anything bad...just I don't know about the possibilites that life presents. I don't know...I have big dreams I guess...I just hope they aren't all pipe dreams.

"May Your Organs Fail...Before Your Dreams Fail You..."

Wednesday

"Cause lately I'm not dreaming...so what's the point in sleeping?"

Really just getting the point where I just want to sleep the days away though. Gah sooo tired. Would rather sleep than deal with life...just because...I can. Have class in less than an hour though. Joy.

New Current Favorite Song.....

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When I go to sleep for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears.
When they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

I Want To Know Your Plans by Say Anything

8 Days Left.

Why is that when I lose whatever summer tan I had, my scars seem more noticable to me? Today the one of my arm just seems to be glaring at me...reminding me of what people have said about me because of it. I haven't really thought about that or dwelled on that for awhile. I think I just stopped noticing it for the most part until today. That scar and the scar on my pointer finger on my right hand, from when it got cut open this summer while trying to extract bikes from the garage.

Whenever I think about them a lyric from Stars pops into my head "This scar is a fleck on my porcelian skin..." haha sometimes I think I'm so pale in the winter that I could very well look like I'm made of porcelian. Thankfully I'm not that fragile though.

They'll always be a part of me...at the very least, each one has a story right? Sorry being...too....err....analytical this morning?

"Luckie Street"

Let's count the days until winter comes our way
We're all tired and ready to breathe
And there's a rumor that

There's a bitter cold chill in the air.
It's haunting every breath we take.
The hint of alcohol and nicotine it keeps us warm inside.
So all your fashion sense aware, the sweaters unfold themselves.
We are all alone, but we're better off by ourselves.

It's time to roll the windows down and
Feel the cold air all around.
We are heading out of town and
Not a thing can stop us now.
Get carried away.

Atleast It's Friday.....

It started feeling like October
I got stranded on the road
You know where to find me
Anytime you want me Annie,
Annie, use your telescope

So they made my life into a movie
As if I could forget those years
But I know where the time's gone
Just how well my mind's been wandering
Annie, use your telescope


On a side note, I'm drinking fuze blueberry rasberry flavored and it tastes kinda funny but I didn't really feel like eating so I just chose to drink this whopping 15 calorie drink ha. Oh and Jack's Mannequin lyrics, Annie Use Your Telescope but I'd have to say The Resolution probably is the most relatable but for something entirely different.

I'm tired, I really just want to sleep but I have to take a spanish test, I'll probably come back from Astro do my Agenda for C.A.B. send it to Sarah and crash for awhile and then see how I feel....if I'm still wiped I'll probably skip out on the film festival and just relax tonight, after the past two weeks that's all I really want to do.

I Wouldn't Have Said this 6 Months Ago

I keep hearing that people are worried about me for some reason or another. I'm sitting here thinking, why? Why are you worried about me now? I've gotten my shit together now. I can honestly say I'm doing pretty great right now. Why weren't you worried when I wasn't sleeping, when I barely ate, when I barely talked, when I was desperately trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with me....why not then? Was that my normal? Is me feeling normal something strange to people? Is me being excited for life not normal?

What is normal?

I'm fine...don't worry. I may have changed....grown up after all of this, but that's really honestly to be expected. I could've gone one of two ways, I could be like I am now...thinking optimistically about things for once or....lying in my bed for hours upon hours staring at the TV no matter what's on contemplating quite honestly suicide but yet not having the guts to even attempt it. But thankfully I'm not in that place in anymore. Sure...I may be into different music now....I may have some new friends....I may be leaving in a couple of months...but I'm still me. I'm still Sarah....I'm just finding myself. What's life without change? I needed a change....I found one....a good one, a kind of exciting one.

Ha Smash Mouth just popped in my head;
"Somebody once asked could I spare some change for gas
I need to get myself away from this place
I said yep what a conceptI could use a little fuel myself
And we could all use a little change"

Don't be scared of it.....embrace it.