Day 63 Cont...

At the moment I'm trying desperately to write this letter. I don't have one word written down. I've been sitting here almost an hour trying to figure out what to say. It doesn't help that I don't know who I'm addressing, sir? madame? commitie? bsu? I don't know my audience...which is my first road block.

But I think my major roadblock is my instincts. My instinct is not to air this stuff to the public. It scares me. I don't want people to judge me based of other people's actions. Plus, I feel like...its something I don't know enough about to really talk about. The last thing I want to do is present information that contradicts other information that is being presented, that may raise questions and put up red flags which would be horrible...all because I don't have my facts straight.

The details are all fuzzy to me at the moment, and I'll can come up with are a list of apologies...and feelings of patheticness towards myself. The details that aren't fuzzy are the ones that don't pertain to this particular situation and won't help. I'm also honestly afraid I'll go off on a tangent that definately doesn't pertain to the situation at all.

This is exactly why I've put this off...because I'm afraid to fail, and be the let down, and it looks like I'm living up to those self-proclaimed lables. Dammit, if only I could write like I used to. I'm afraid I've lost that part of me....I haven't been able to write like that in a long time.

I need shrink-a-tized don't I? Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew or any shrink really...would have a field day with me.

At the moment, I fear the reprecusions of my lack of sucess.I guess I better hope the writing juices start flowing here or I'm up shit's creek.