Day 53

Today I ache...from the inside out. The outside ache is winning though...causing me far more pain. My shoulder just throbs, sending pain down my arm and into my hand. Nothing really I can do for it though aside from riding it out. Two months later it still almost feels like the day I hurt it in the first place. At the moment it doesn't matter how I sit or situate myself...nothing stops the ache.

Lately I can't seem to think...or find the motivation to do much. I still have yet to write that stupid letter to get me out of jury duty. I'm falling into that it's summer I don't want to do shit mode. Sure I do stuff at work, but at home...haha. Yeah right. I've been too lazy to put my laundry away for weeks. It's all just stacked up on my computer chair.

I'm slowly but surely letting things that were on my potential list of things to do this summer remove themselves be removed from that list. Maybe some other summer....but not this year. Because somebody in this world has to be realistic for once right? Thanks to society...money is a determaninent for everything...and like the majority of people I need more of it, and must make sacrifices to obtain it. Therefore things on the list must go. Mostly because I refuse to be stuck in socio-economic pattern that my parents and people I know families are stuck in. I will not be stuck with a minimum wage job where I get shitty hours. Hell, I've started off better than that already with my first job. I'm already full time and making more than minimum wage so at any point in my life why should I settle for anything less than that? Only if it's life or death. Otherwise, I'll continue to strive for better. At the very least to shove in the faces of the people who said this is a waste, that this is pointless...that I couldn't do it. Yeah that's right a big F U to them. So if that means I have to walk into a bank tommorrow and take out a loan for 8 grand to pay for school than so be it. I sure as hell ain't sticking around here for longer than I have to. This place is a cess pool full of negativity...and people who don't give a shit.

I will work my ass of the rest of the summer to guarentee my job for next summer. Plus, seriously questioning this whole cell phone thing again...wondering if it's really a necessary expense. We shall see haven't fully decided, may wait until August if anything. I'll be dropping a shitload of money in August anyways...probably all of the money I have in my account that I have at the moment, if not more. Ah oh well...work your ass off and it's gone with a snap of the fingers. Isn't life grand?

I suppose I should go read this book is due Tuesday and I still have quite a ways to go in it...my lunch chatting has put me behind in my reading.