Just a Little Something

Way to go...Jerk.

Why can't we ever have meaningful conversations? Why are they always so damn pointless? They leave me feeling frustrated and even closer to breaking. I hate this. I'm so ansty. I can't sit still anymore. I'm indecisive....there's nothing I want to listen to right now. I forced myself to listen every NFG album I own..and that didn't even help. I...hate you for not caring. Yes...I said hate. Why do I even bother? You get my hopes up just enough to make it hurt even more when I get let down yet once again. I feel like tearing my hair out...I'm so frustrated and hurt...I wish my shoulder/arms were hurting more...I miss that pain. I'd much rather feel that pain than this pain. I need it...to feel alive.

The longer you hold something in...the more it drives you crazy. The more it upsets you...the more panic attacks you have. But yet...I can't seem to let it out. Atleast I'm not Britney Spears crazy....I haven't been commited. Sounds like something my parents would do though, just for the hell of it. Go ahead, it won't help anyways. Not until I can come clean with people...and nobody seems to care enough and at this point...I don't trust anyone enough to come clean with them. So for now...I keep holding on....where is my fucking Ty? That's all I want to know. I have no one like that. Only in my dreams. ha...No I'm not at rock bottom...I've been worse. There's only one thing I think that could push me there at this point....and it still has me waiting.