Just a Little Something

Ready to Self-Destruct....At Any Time...

Why is that I want to see someone so much, but yet when I get a chance to talk to them I have nothing to say? 30 minutes of silence, before I give up and finally sign off. I guess we really don't have all that much to say to each other anymore.

I haven't had much to say to anyone lately. I get upset over the stupidest things. I went to go shower this morning and we don't have any clean towels. So....here I sit, haven't showered....still in pajamas I've been wearing since Saturday night. Gross I know...but I really don't give a fuck. I wouldn't put it past me to just go to school like this tommorrow.

"I feel shot down, I have nothing left, what do I got now? You left my life a mess...."

I again spent the majority of my day in bed....staring at the TV. Nobody calls, nobody leaves messages. It's just me and my talk shows. I've become this person...who I don't even know anymore. I used to do fun things, I used to be fun. I don't have fun too often anymore, I used to make everything fun. I want the fun back, I want to go to a show, and sing back every word. I want anything....anything fun.

I hate those questions on myspace surveys that ask when your last hug was, when was the last time you said/someone told you "I love you". Truth? Months...maybe years. I don't get shown affection in any way shape or form. Not from family, not from friends...not from anyone. Probably why I'll never be able to open up with others, probably why I'll never be able to connect to or with anyone, probably why I'll be this way forever...

All I've got is me....and I don't know who I am anymore. Is there a such a thing as having a mid-life crisis at 17? Except for the fact that I'm nowhere near to being middle aged, atleast I hope not...sometimes. I don't want to go back to school tommorrow and face all those people with their fake smiles...I want to stay in bed and watch my talk shows...They're on everyday....they never fail me.