Day 54

Itchy oh so itchy. I need a nice oatmeal bath or something. No I don't have chicken pox but I do seem to itch all over with a rash in places. I wish it would stop it's been driving me crazy all day. Gah I feel like I'm going crazy with all this itching. What's wrong with me? Gah....plus I somehow have gotten a nice sized bruise on the top of my foot...WTF? Where'd that come from?

Ah anyways on a side note, tommmorrow we release the butterflies at work. I get to assist whoo. Haha.

I can't concentrate enough to write anything at the moment...

Day 53

Today I ache...from the inside out. The outside ache is winning though...causing me far more pain. My shoulder just throbs, sending pain down my arm and into my hand. Nothing really I can do for it though aside from riding it out. Two months later it still almost feels like the day I hurt it in the first place. At the moment it doesn't matter how I sit or situate myself...nothing stops the ache.

Lately I can't seem to think...or find the motivation to do much. I still have yet to write that stupid letter to get me out of jury duty. I'm falling into that it's summer I don't want to do shit mode. Sure I do stuff at work, but at home...haha. Yeah right. I've been too lazy to put my laundry away for weeks. It's all just stacked up on my computer chair.

I'm slowly but surely letting things that were on my potential list of things to do this summer remove themselves be removed from that list. Maybe some other summer....but not this year. Because somebody in this world has to be realistic for once right? Thanks to society...money is a determaninent for everything...and like the majority of people I need more of it, and must make sacrifices to obtain it. Therefore things on the list must go. Mostly because I refuse to be stuck in socio-economic pattern that my parents and people I know families are stuck in. I will not be stuck with a minimum wage job where I get shitty hours. Hell, I've started off better than that already with my first job. I'm already full time and making more than minimum wage so at any point in my life why should I settle for anything less than that? Only if it's life or death. Otherwise, I'll continue to strive for better. At the very least to shove in the faces of the people who said this is a waste, that this is pointless...that I couldn't do it. Yeah that's right a big F U to them. So if that means I have to walk into a bank tommorrow and take out a loan for 8 grand to pay for school than so be it. I sure as hell ain't sticking around here for longer than I have to. This place is a cess pool full of negativity...and people who don't give a shit.

I will work my ass of the rest of the summer to guarentee my job for next summer. Plus, seriously questioning this whole cell phone thing again...wondering if it's really a necessary expense. We shall see haven't fully decided, may wait until August if anything. I'll be dropping a shitload of money in August anyways...probably all of the money I have in my account that I have at the moment, if not more. Ah oh well...work your ass off and it's gone with a snap of the fingers. Isn't life grand?

I suppose I should go read this book is due Tuesday and I still have quite a ways to go in it...my lunch chatting has put me behind in my reading.

Day 52

Good day, just started too early and didn't sleep all that many hours last night. So I'm pretty wiped out right now. Definately going to bed early tonight. If I don't fall asleep sitting here right now which could very well happen.

Too tired to really think of anything but sleeping so yeah, just wanted to let you guys know I'm still kicking and glad I only have 4 days to work this week. 3 Day weekend next weekend! Yes! Plus already looking forward to Thursday night. Hopefully this week will be alright...just need to start it off well by being well rested haha.

Alright well I think I'm going to lye down and put on an episode of ER to watch.

Day 50

After a horrendously shitty day, I can't even count on the one thing I look forward to everyday. But apparently my favorite part of the day isn't that important, so I'll probably just head to bed at 11 instead of sitting around waiting. By 11 I'll have waited an hour and a half, and I have to be at work super early tommorrow. Plus the only thing that's on TV is stuff about Michael Jackson. Oh boy.

Started the day off feeling blah, and ending the day feeling shitty; in multiple ways. I definately feel like I need a week of hermtized days. I honestly don't feel like doing anything other than sleeping or lying in bed staring at a wall or something exciting like that.

I've officially decided that if I can't get the 8 grand that I need for school, I'm dropping out. I know I'm going to loathe anywhere else than BSU so what's the point? Plus I'd have to change my major...and I don't know what the hell I'd change it to. So fuck it. Where do I sign up for welfare? I'll join the drain on the enconomy...as a big FU to the financial aid people for giving me shit this year. FYI kids, if you have a 3.6 GPA and make the Deans List that still doesn't qualify you for the Academic Competiveness Grant. It's times like these that I almost wished I drank or something that makes you either numb out or pass out. Too bad I don't like puking though because I'm pretty sure if I took something that did that too me, I'd be sick...so I'll pass. Hey maybe the world will really end 2012 and I won't have to worry...one can only hope. heh.

Alright well almost 11, time is running out...just another shot to the gut/heart wherever you'd prefer to hit me.

Day 48

So I have to admit that I probably should've gone to bed earlier than 1 AM last night. I am pretty tired at the moment but I was enjoying the conversation too much to even consider getting offline any earlier. Plus work being incredibly boring today didn't help me much either.

Only three more days of work till the weekend, and then I get to spend all day with the Boy :-). Seriously can't wait.

I am randomly watching a show about stress on PBS. Yeah, I'm the only kid you know who willing turns on PBS to watch something on a regular basis haha. It's a National Geographic Special haha.

Well I'm not sure what else I want to say so this is it for me tonight.

Day 47

Wow, almost to day 50 of summer break. Awesome. That means the days till we go back are getting smaller. Although when I think of that now, I get a twinge of nervousness in my stomach. He's told me not to be nervous about it, but I can't help it. School won't be the same without him there. I'll go to class, work, and when I'm not doing that I don't know what I'll do. I suppose study, and be incredibly bored and lonely. I think that if it ended up being that way, my sophmore year just wouldn't measure up at all. Knowing that he's stuck here...miserable would be incredibly hard for me. Yes I do care about him that much. Yes I am scared and worried about this. I don't want going back to school this year to be bittersweet. I want this all to go away, and have it just be a dream, a prank even.

So please send good thoughts our way please. So everything works out...I can't leave my other half behind. I can't. I think that might cause a huge regression...and I don't want that at all. The possibility of that scares me too.

This past year and mostly good things happening to me was definately a new thing for me. A good new thing. But I don't want this next year to be the opposite. Can't we just build off the good things?

I know...I'm a pathetic worry-wart, but sometimes I just can't help it, especially when it comes to the person I care about so much.

Day 46

I've spent a little time tonight re-reading some old blog enteries I wrote the past couple of years, I don't know I like going back and reminiscing or atleast trying to remember or sometimes forget about what was happening then. Or even just realizing how much I've changed since I wrote those enteries. I hate to see how bad my greatestjournal enteries are haha, from like 2004. Yeah, I've been blogging for a long time. All through high school and still through college.

I don't know ever since 8th grade, I've just had these urges to write all kinds of things. Too bad my grammar sucks haha, and that I'm better about writing about random life happenings than about factual things, or I could've made a career out of it, but I think I'll just stick to this hobby. But yet once again I'm feeling like a need a good blog again, I just feel like most of my enteries as of late, have been boring and plain just discussing the details of my life, instead of anaylzing things or whatever you know? I don't know we'll see, half the time I'm too tired to anaylzing anything except for the joints that hurt, how pathetic is that?

As of now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of jury duty if I'm picked, I got a summons notice in the mail today. Oh joy. Thanks Indiana, you're amazing. :-/.

Well I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed, and enjoy sleeping in, yes!

Day 44

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

Day 42

We're 18 days away from approaching the two months at home mark. At that point, I'll only have roughly 3 weeks of work left. Whoa. Not that that is a bad thing.

Had today off since I have to work Saturday. It's been nice, spent the morning with Adam. Took a nap this afternoon and woke up and swallowed and had the worst pain I've ever felt in my life in my throat and ears. Oh wow, my throat still hurts when I move my head in a certain way and when I swallow. So yeah...what the heck?

Drove around in the Audi today, I don't know I think when I get a car, I want something younger, not that it isn't nice to drive...but I felt kind of old driving it haha. Plus, no aux out on the stereo...lame. Stuck listening to lame ass Ft. Wayne radio stations...blah. I've actually gotten a lot of driving in the past two days haha, I've literally been all over town. Tommorrow I do it all again as well. I dunno it's just unusual for me.

Not looking forward to the next few days, blah. I want to fast forward to Monday, please and thank you. Plus I get paid again next Friday. Hopefully this computer won't act up again, yeah it had another one of it's...Hi I'm not going to turn on for you episodes this week. Grr. I really don't want to be dropping that kind of money for yet another laptop, plus going through a laptop a semester, probably not good. Ah well I need to find something to do this weekend, gotta have something to look forward to. We'll see what I can come up with....

Ah well have to go pick up the moms soon, so that's all for me now.

Day 40

FUCK!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! I hate this. My head just may explode, stress has turned this bitch of a headache into a migrane. I'm so screwed. If this is a sign of what's to come this week then fuck it, I already know this weekend is going to suck but this is definately a shitty way to start off the week. I feel like throwing this piece of shit out the window... GAH!!

Day 39

I'm pretty sure I know who the Nobelsville blog reader is...who infact doesn't even live in Nobelsville...who actually lives about 2ish hours North of there. Haha. I have a feeling somehow Adams computer/ipod thinks it's in Nobelsville for some reason. Yep...pretty sure the mystery is solved.

Is it bad that I have growing list of things that I'm mad about for a certain person? Just feel like majorly yelling at them. But seeing as I haven't talked to them in awhile I don't know how'd that go and they'd probably be like what the hell? Ah oh well, doesn't change the fact that I hold things against them. Eh.

I'm stuck on what to write at the moment...I mean in this blog anyways. So many things have been swimming around in my brain today. Things that have said...go outside more, you wear entirely too many t-shirts, be more risky, make a difference in people's lives. I don't know...I haven't really been thinking about anything bad...just I don't know about the possibilites that life presents. I don't know...I have big dreams I guess...I just hope they aren't all pipe dreams.

"May Your Organs Fail...Before Your Dreams Fail You..."

Day 37

Tired, my lips are extremely chapped. We were at CVS tonight too..should've stopped into to get some chapstick...wasn't thinking lol. Luckily chapstick is cheap, I always seem to lose those stupid things. Plus I can buy it with the dollar I found today haha.

I don't know what I'm going to do tonight, should've went upstairs on my lunch and looked for a movie...but didn't ah oh well...maybe I'll read or watch some ER. We shall see, at the moment I'm hungry and ready for dinner.

I don't know lately at work I've just felt like a loser, I'm the youngest one there, and I feel like everybody talks down to me. I know I'm not as "stylish" or whatever as the other girls, but why waste the money on clothes I'm only going to be wearing regularly for a couple of months? Ah I don't know...work is just kind of a lonely place unless I'm interacting with kids in the computer lab...that's become my new favorite place to be.

Plus I've had the reverse homesickness kicking again...just longing to be back in Muncie. Gah, I'm seriously really really really really really looking forward to school. Oh how I miss it. I miss Noodles...I miss Atrium food, I miss Woodworth food, I miss super hot shower water, I miss music in the bathroom, I miss being with Adam and my friends everyday, I miss Late Night, and movies, and just all of it. Gah I'm pathetic aren't I? Ah oh well...that's how I feel.

Oh! And I talked to Jake last night and found out that Matt and Ethan are coming to BSU in the fall..Schweet. Well mostly about Matt...never really hungout with Ethan. But should be even more good times. Although they'll be living in the honors dorms boo. Ah oh well...still looking forward to going back regardless.

And...to whoever you are from Nobelsville who is constantly reading my blog, Hi!! I still have yet to figure out who you are and if I know anybody from Nobelsville. Last summer I got lost there on the way to Warped but that's about it haha. Maybe it's the guy from Goodyear who gave us the directions haha. Doubt it.

Day 35

Oh, what a day...

It rained today so the library was esepcially busy. I had to assist numerous patrons today. And the two hours I worked Desk 2 were complete chaos. Plus after that I stayed out on the floor for the next hour to pick up a bit and make sure things didn't get too crazy again because Meg was left there to fend for herself without a computer room person to assist. Things that happened today; Some kid peed themselves in the computer room gah, a toy got thrown up on top of the playscape which I had to track a ladder and retrieve myself, I had to call security on a group of older kids who were smoking and wiping their noses on the windows. All that coupled with helping numerous people find books they were looking for and pushing the Summer Reading Program on yet more people has worn me out.

Oh and did I mention that the weather is making my body currently hate me? Yeah, ask me what joint doesn't hurt at the moment...knees, fingers, wrists, shoulders.

I also found out today that it's a good thing I got hurt at school or I would've been screwed if I had really seriously gotten hurt/sick in the future. Stupid insurance company. Not that my shoulders have fully recovered....they still ache when I stretch too far or sometimes while I'm just sitting....things take time to heal when they get used all the time heh.

I think that I'm going to collapse into hopefully a nice deep sleep....I need it. As much as I want to talk to Adam...I hope he understands. I really have been longing to see him though, and I truely can't wait for this work week to be over so I can see him. Knowing that...really helps pull me through the week.

Day 34

Wow that number just keeps climbing. Anywho just a quick post before I head out to work.

Woke up this morning feeling strangely energized, and in a love the world mood. Not hating it. Hopefully this lasts the duration of the day, we shall see.

Day 33

Oh, well tonight's arguement is over who needs counseling...*raises hand* that would be me. Ahhhh but I'm not about to get in the middle of this one.

This arguing does not at all help my splitting headache. Argh.

On a lighter note, work today actually went by pretty fast. I've found that I enjoy working at the SRP table haha. You interact with loads of people, and pretty much can constantly stay busy. Plus we had Germanfest story time today. That was pretty fun. I think things will be less boring now that SRP has started. Schweet. lol.

Alright well I'm going to finish watching Gossip Girl and hop in the shower.

Day 32

Friday and Saturday were pretty awesome...but today I apparently fail. So...yeah, Sorry.

I'm sitting here waiting, I had to go eat, I said well I'll talk to you later, and got the maybe response. So...yeah, that means I fail. I'm never going to get this right am I?

I hate times like these because I constantly beat myself up about it, makes my stomach hurt. Gah.

Somebody needs to give me special powers so I can never be tired, I need to obviously be like the Cullens and not need to sleep...(ahh my nerdy Twilight reference lol.) Sleeping and needing to rest in general gets me in trouble lately. Really it has...but I don't know what to do; I don't function or feel very well without a good amount of sleep/rest which lately I've been lacking...I try to catch up and then catch shit for it...ehh.

Day 28

Ah well the best part of the day was looking up from doing something and seeing Adam walking into CHI, I was like whoa...but good happy surprised whoa. :-)

Felt kind of blah all day, not really sick but not the best either. Kind of like my body saying, hey a cold is coming or I'm fighting one off. I'm hoping it's the latter of the two. Plus been super tired this week. Fell asleep last night before 10 while reading Twilight, not because it's boring but because I was laying down, and night night after that lol.

Ah well 2 days down and 3 to go this week and then only 7 weeks left of work. And...I get paid next week. Yeahhh. Even though I have yet to spend any money I've earnt from working. Ah, and good news, I'm still in contention for weddings this summer as well too. I got a call either yesterday or the night before to do one this Saturday but I'm working eh but...he said he'd keep calling when more come up since I don't work every Saturday. Yesss...gotta love the tax free money, that is wayyy less boring to earn than the taxable income blah.

Ah well I'm going to read a bit while Adam finishes showering.

Day 26

Today I was planning on just chilling this morning, eat lunch, then go up to the bank. Ah well I still got to the bank but just a little earlier.

My dad and I rode our bikes up to Georgetown, and we had Bandidos...nom nom. Best by far is the chips and salsa, but I miss the mint sticks you get after your meal :( lameness.

I need to get my ass in gear when it comes to reading, I'm only a little over a hundred pages into Twilight and two of my Traveling Pants books are in, annnd I'm quickly working my way through the line for New Moon and the other books, I believe I've gone from 25th to 13th since Thursday, and I'm first in line for Eclipse at the moment and 13th for Breaking Dawn. I guess I'll lay off renting the DVDs for awhile and read in my free time haha. Which I do on commercial breaks and such. Plus at lunch, and before work if I'm there early; which I usually am.

Reserved my text books today, figured I'd beat out the kids fro orientation for my core classes eh. Oh and I bought a t-shirt from threadless but...then cancelled it after decided the shirt wasn't all that great after all.

Ok well back to my episode of 7th Heaven, watching this one and then 1 more tonight then reading while I wait for Adam. Feel bad about not being able to talk to him this morning/early afternoon.