I Used to Have So Much Faith When I Started...

Just got back from a bike ride. There was some stuff bothering me majorly this morning that definately killed yesterday's mood. Stuff...that I'm not even going to get into because I'm really tired of always expecting the worst. I'm tired of getting up for the letdown. For all I know I could be thinking of the worst circumstances for no reason at all. So if it turns out that way....then it does...but I'm not going to harp on it before it even happens.

I just knew I had to get out and ride. I knew I couldn't sit in my room watching TV dwelling. I had to clear my head. I put on my headphones and just pedaled. I enjoyed the sun beating down on me, the slight burn in my lungs, the tightness in my thighs and calves. I just rode...and enjoyed it. I didn't think about anything except avoiding cars and pedaling. Nothing else mattered.

I'm back and I definately feel better. Sure, I'm sitting here drenched in sweat (too much info but whatever), and I came back slightly dizzy and light headed, but I'm glad I went. It definately helped my mood. If people start asking me why I'm out riding the neighborhood all the time I'll just say it's therapy on wheels. Frankly I'd rather ride away my problems than talk about them half the time.

When I was younger my parents had bought me this soccer net that bounced the balls back to you, I used to spend hours using that thing. It'd be spring time and in dark and I'd be outside kicking the ball just to let off some steam, clear my head.

Adults or atleast people older than me by atleast 5-10 years always tell me how easy my generation has it. Half the time I think...Bull Shit. Most people I know who are my age have had to grow up way to early. Yeah I come with baggage from my childhood/teen years, stuff that will stay with me throughout my life...it wasn't my choice to have it. So I deal the best way I know how. Atleast it's not hurting me or anyone else I know.

There's too much pressure out there, pressure to get good grades, pressure to go to a good college, pressure to decide in high school what you want to do with the rest of your life. How can you decide at 16 what you want to be doing 50 years from now? Not to mention all this social status bull shit. I'll admit that I worry about fitting in and how other people view me. God I've gotten off on a tangent. Sorry just venting...I'm going to go see what else I can do to stay busy.