Just a Little Something

So Here I Go...

I don't know how to describe how I'm feeling today. Overall, it was good day as far as days go. I'm just left wanting more. I'm left wanting to feel better about today even though it was considerably good. I'm crashing. I'm scared.

I can run all I want, but the pain my arm....it'll still be there. This empty feeling, will always be there. The longing to see him....will always be there. The day dreams and dreams I have while sleeping of him will always be there. Bad scenarios running through my mind will always be there.

Sure I can go to the doctor...they'll give me pills. Pills that only spell trouble. Pills I refuse to have in my house. They won't fix anything anyways. The source of the pain won't go away it'll just be temporarily masked. I don't want to go through life in a drug induced daze. Besides, they won't cure the lonley feeling I get from everything else. The constant nagging in my brain to do more to do better will always be there.

Everyone's moving on without me.....they develop new relationships. I haven't. Not since freshmen year. It makes me feel developmentally challenged like there's something wrong with me. I've always been shorter, smaller in many ways, I wasn't done losing baby teeth until my freshmen year. Now I'm going into college only having had one boyfriend. Which lasted a whole 2 weeks. I've only ever kissed one person. I was 14. I'll be 18 at the end of March. So I'd sure as hell like to know what's wrong with me....am I that repuslive?