Almost the Weekend....

Well the good news is that we had a snow day yesterday due to a foot of snow falling here at good ole' BSU.

Bad news is that life is chaotic and that this is a scary time for pretty much a lot of people I know. I wish we were maybe older or younger, older so we would've been through school by now...younger so we could still cling on to worry free childhoods for the most part. Unfortunately it isn't that simple. Atleast we've all got each other...together we'll get through all of this. Atleast...that makes it seem a little less scary.

The present needs to be a time of change, something has to be done...I just hope it's sooner rather than later. Back to what Dr. Mike said, Hope...Pray....Go Outside enjoy the weather, and remember atleast your in college by the fact alone you're helping your future.

Hey Guys Do Me a Favor....

Add me as a friend on Swag Bucks! Hey you can earn points just for searching and get cool prizes. Plus it would help me out too...so maybe just sign up and help Sarah out? Please...I'll send you mp3's or something in exchange, I have an extensive collection!

http://swagbucks.com/?cmd=sb-register&rb=314966

New Current Favorite Song.....

I want to know your plans and how involved in them I am.
When I go to sleep for good will I be forgiven?
And If you want roses you can go buy a bouquet.
If that just won't cut it, well what can I say?

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do. That's what you do.

I want to know your fears, from your feet to the back of your ears.
When they raise the landing gear will your heart stay here?
If you could forgive me for being so brash, well you...
you could hit me or whip me, I'd savor each lash.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

No more fighting.
This is only a waste of our time
'cause soon we'll be leaving.
Will this strength still be mine?
I'll look out for you 'til I die, 'til I rot.
I'll remember you 'til I die, until I rot.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.

You're what keeps me believing the world's not gone dead,
Strength in my bones put the words in my head.
When they pour out to paper, it's all for you.
'Cause that's what you do.

I Want To Know Your Plans by Say Anything

Brr...It's Cold Outside.

So far classes have been good, the weather however has been terrible. Cold, Snow...wind chill...ick. My face is not liking it...it's beginning to get noticeably chapped. Gah.

Windchill tommorrow is supposed to be as low as -20. Lovely. I'd much rather stay in my nice warm dorm room than venture out but unfortunately I have to. Blah. Oh well, atleast I have a nice 3 day weekend to look forward to.

1ish Day to Go!

So last night was pretty much the best night of break by far! Got to hangout with Adam, and some other friends as well. I think it's the longest period of time over break we actually got to spend together. Which was very very very very very nice. Only downside was that when I went home and went to bed...nausea but I'm ok now...well stomach wise.

I tried to do something nice for my brother today. See it snowed and he's still on cructhes so I went out this afternoon after it had stopped snowing and shovled the walk and the driveway. Now I'm paying for my good deeds, arms are killing me...cut them off please, thanks. Plus it's in my back a bit but that's barely noticable agains the arms. I'm missing my icy hot right about now haha. May have to take a nsaid tonight to get to sleep.

I've been thinking here in the last few hours about some stuff, not necssairly bad things. But just things I need to work on. One of which is complaining less about my damn aches and pains. We all know that I have them by now...no need to make a huge fuss everytime it happens. Also thinking before I speak...wouldn't kill me in pretty much every aspect of my life...with my parents, Adam, kids in class....pretty much anybody. I know I say some things I shouldn't and I'm determined to make that a less frequent happening. Another thing is being less anxious...if I can find a way to worry less and have less stomach aches. Dude...bring it on. I'd rather to be able to eat what I want and have my pants fitting tight than be swimming in them and and being naucious at night several times a week.

Well...I think my parents just got home, so tis all for me tonight.

Washing Dishes Wasn't a Total Drag...

I randomly picked up this cd off my desk and re-fell in love with it. All I can say is thank you Chris Carabba. Definately ripping this one before I leave, it's a must have...haha tommorrow or Saturday I really need to finish ripping all my must haves. Yeah, I've been lazy.

You Know What I Miss?

A decent night's sleep. Sooo tired. Didn't fall asleep until 2ish and was woken up to everybody waking up and vaccuming and gah. Couldn't fall back asleep so I got up and showered. Haven't let myself take a nap though, I did that yesterday and had trouble falling asleep so today no nap! Plus I think I'll sleep better when I can finally fall asleep in his arms again...

"I Like where you sleep...when you sleep...next to me.."

Spent most of the day just watching tv/movies. I still have yet to do dishes, really not looking forward to that. Which is why I'm blogging ahhhh.

2.5 Days Till I'm Outta Here. I still have to re-pack but other than that...I'm ready to freakin' go. Summer is going to kill me.

Still Fighting It....

Early this morning while I was lying in bed trying to fall back asleep, I thought back on yesterday's events and my mind some how went back to that black composition notebook. I wanted to in the dark, right then and there find it. I lay there thinking about what I would do when I found it...if I would show it to anyone. After finding it this morning and reading it almost right after I made the decision to get out of bed, I realized I can't let anyone read it. Because I know if a certain person would read it....oh man it just wouldn't be good. Even though a lot of it was a long time ago...I still talk to that person and then questions would be raised. So fuck...why did I even write all that shit anyways?

I remember saying before that if anything ever happens me...somebody should hunt it down and read it...but now. I don't think I want that to happen. I'm sure it will end up in the wrong hands someday. But for now it gets re-hidden. Stashed away, most likely to never be written in again. Besides, if I had the chance to re-write it...I'd do it a completely different way. I don't think it fully expresses things anyways.

You know...back in the day...I could write...now it's like it's all be sucked out of me. I can't come up with a single decent idea to write anything but these damn blogs. I used to fill notebooks...binders...even scrap pieces of paper. Now, I sit there...blank piece of paper in front of me...and nothing happens. I'd write...until my hand hurt. Or until my pen died or I lost it and couldn't find another one haha, that happened quite frequently. I guess that era is just over. Half the time I can't even come up with a half-way decent blog entry. Nothing myspace worthy anyways. Haha I considered a blog good when I think it will we get a significant number of hits or comments from friends on myspace...how lame is that?

All I know is that the writing juices better start flowing soon, I'm taking t-com writing classes this semester. If I have shit ideas, I'm screwed. Guess we'll find out soon huh?

This Makes Today Better...

Tuesday Take 2.

I was washing dishes a lil bit ago (you know my one productive activity today) and was just thinking. I hate being stuck in my own head. Can I please have a labatomy and trade in my brain? Thanks.

I'm still stuck in the previous blog entry..that's what I was thinking about anyways. And maybe...I don't know explain myself. When you've been left at home by yourself since 2nd grade...you think a lot...by yourself. It's always been this way...never having "Friends" just acquaintances. It makes it so that when you do get the rare chance to hangout with people it's like...a big buzz. Almost like a high. People wonder why I disliked high school so much? I got robbed. I was anything but typical in high school. You shouldn't go to school and be planning out where the nearest trash can is because you have so much anxiety, because you think that someone is going to come in and make a big disturbance in the middle of one of your classes. Or come home and sleep for 4 hours every day. In my mind that's not something that typical high school kids do after school. I honestly don't know what people do after school. All I ever did was sleep, watch tv, and get on the internet...you know what I do now. Plus...was like this all the time...it's not like I like feeling like this. I hate it.

The friends I did have...are either too busy with other friends, never really got to know me, or have made some questionable choices in my eyes. We always say this friend of ours Jon is too picky about his girls...well maybe I'm too picky about my friends. I don't want to hangout with you if you drink...or do drugs. Maybe I just need to get the stick out of my ass and go play beer pong, light up, or pop some pills. Atleast then I'd have some weekend plans when I'm at home.

I honestly don't know what to think anymore. It's human nature to want to fit in somewhere, to be wanted or atleast thought of enough to be invited to do things. Like I said, when you're not and everyone else is...it eats away at you; little by little and sorry for having a bad day once in awhile. For once...I don't want to be the tag-along, or the after thought...that's what I feel like most of the time. It's just frustrating, wondering how I can be more appealing to people...or what the fuck is wrong with me?

Fuck Tuesdays.

It whispered I am hated
Your Genetic Flaws
I said say it all

Home does bad things to me. Knowing that everybody else has atleast offers to hangout with their friends and I have zero, does bad things to me. Way to boost Sarah's self-esteem. Round of applause for everyone.

Entering the Home Stretch...

Today was pretty amazing. Definately smiling just thinking about it. I wish everyday could be like today. Life would be perfect. Not that it isn't pretty damn close to perfect now.

Just kind of tired, been up over 12 hours now. But I don't care. I'm going to watch Brothers and Sisters and just relax.

8 Days Left.

Why is that when I lose whatever summer tan I had, my scars seem more noticable to me? Today the one of my arm just seems to be glaring at me...reminding me of what people have said about me because of it. I haven't really thought about that or dwelled on that for awhile. I think I just stopped noticing it for the most part until today. That scar and the scar on my pointer finger on my right hand, from when it got cut open this summer while trying to extract bikes from the garage.

Whenever I think about them a lyric from Stars pops into my head "This scar is a fleck on my porcelian skin..." haha sometimes I think I'm so pale in the winter that I could very well look like I'm made of porcelian. Thankfully I'm not that fragile though.

They'll always be a part of me...at the very least, each one has a story right? Sorry being...too....err....analytical this morning?

2009.

It's officially 2009.

2009, holds a lot of uncertainties for everyone I know. Sure, we're in college for this Spring semester, but will we be coming back next Fall. None of this based off grades of course. Kids my age, who like me are jobless and just in school = SOL. Atleast that's the bad feeling I'm getting. I just hope that the feeling is extremely wrong.

But I'm getting extremely ahead of myself, I should just focus on this spring and making the most of that. Can't help it that I'm a worry-er. I hate that sometimes, I get worried about events that are too far in the future. I need to stop that.

I guess, whatever 2009 has in store for me will happen and I should just be ok with that and roll with the punches. I've already accepted that I won't be as close to some people as I once was, we've all grown up and went our seperate ways...sometimes it's just better to completely sever the ties.

We'll see I guess...damn I need to stop being this negative bitter old woman...I'm only 18. 19 in 3 months. Yikes.