Smile, Like You've Got Nothing to Prove.

As the weather gets better I seem to spend less time on the computer and more time do other things which for me is REALLY good. Being cooped up inside all winter drives me crazy. Anywho, last week was pretty much amazing. Senior Recongnition night was long....hot and boring but I was still glad I got to be a part of it, even if it was lame. Then Friday, I had an interview at Ritters. I think it went well, I'm supposed to find out something tommorrow so we'll see, wish me luck! Oh and I had to tape confirmation today...longgggg.

This week is going to be just as full, especially if I have to go to Ritters for training. Then throw in a book report, a doctors appointment and prom....ha, it should be interesting. I'm not exactly sure who I'm going to prom with anymore....it looks like I may be driving down there by my lonesome. Ah we'll see, I'm sure things will work out by Saturday. We also get Interims this week....that means only a MONTH LEFT! YES! Seriously my whole demeanor is just amazing right now, I feel as nothing can bring me down. I feel like I'm finally living life again. I'm breaking down walls and letting myself live. It's a great feeling....I'm not scared for summer this year....I'm ready for it. School no longer has to be my safe haven. I'm ready for anything, confidience is building....bring it on.

Why Dr. Carter? Why!?!

That's my reaction to the last episode of season six of ER. Yeah I just finished watching it a little bit ago. It was an all to relateable episode for me. I hate that. Especially when things are relatable in a bad way. Maybe that's a good thing though, I don't know. I think if I was on the episode and I had lines I'd know what I'd say...things I don't know if I could really say to someone but things that should've been said. But no, not yet. Maybe I'll get there someday, but not today. Lets just say I did not participate in the post 4/20 conversations today. I could go off on a long rant right here but I have pre-calc and a disc of 7th Heaven to watch heh. Plus an 18 year olds opinion going out to another 17-19 year old kid really doesn't make much difference because they're going to do whatever the fuck they want regardless of what I say. (all in person of course, not accusing readers of anything)

Oh and my myspace is now fully NFG/ISHC pimped. Yep. It's for a contest, so hopefully I win a bunch of cool swag! I need to start my internet contest winning up again. I haven't won anything since Warped Tour time last year, poster, DVD and err those unused tickets dammit. Anywho...Grad party is looking to be probably on June 14th. More details later.

Only Time Will Tell....

I hope this week lives up to my expectations for it. Hopefully I'll get that interview, hopefully it won't be Thursday night, or I'm screwed. Hopefully we'll continue to have fun in 4th period. Hopefully Danely is nice enough not to assign us any huge projects due on Friday that would majorly suck and pretty much ruin the week. 43 days and counting until Graduation (that's including the weekends), that's crazy too me. I don't feel old enough to be graduating from anything. Everything is kind of surreal and too good to be true right now, it has me waiting for something to go wrong...for something bad to happen. Why? It's what I'm used to.

I Live.

Wow, I haven't blogged in well almost a week now. I guess I've just been sorta busy and enjoying the amazing weather. Went on a ten mile bike ride yesterday, felt amazing and got sunburnt but oh well. We've also been playing soccer outside in PE....definately fun. Plus 4th period has just been well amazing this past week since we've had basically 3 free days. By the way, I suck at KEMPS haha.

This week we have Senior Recongnition night yeahhh I get to wear my cap and gown for the first time! Plus a little over a month for school left! I'm going down to BSU June 9th and 10th for Orentation, wow that doesn't even seem that far away at all. So yeah over all things have been good and prom plans are coming together because that's...two weeks from today!?! gah!

Too bad the weather isn't better today it's been kind of gloomy and rainy blah. But tommorrow if the weather is not raining anyways we're thinking of riding downtown to go to the library for some DVDS ha. Geeze this entry is boring so I'm just going to stop now.

The Economy Has Robbed Me Of my Dreams.

I was sitting here posting on the-n listening to music and just thinking. There was a post about what you like better; watching the sun rise or the sun set. Some how that triggered the Something Corporate song, "I Woke Up In A Car" . Then I began thing about how much I would love just to live out that song. But then it hit me....you're probably never going to be able to drive cross country like that...just enjoying the United States and all it has to offer.

Why not? Gas. It's just no probable unless I somehow strike oil or win a million dollars, or by some stroke of luck get a nice salary someday. New goal in life, if I win a lot of money we're all going on a big road trip and we're not rushing it. We're going to take our sweet time living out our dreams. I want to do this before I'm 40. I have to. Just me...maybe a few close friends, the open road, good music, and a camera to document it along the way. I want to wake up early and watch the sunrise with people I care about, people I have fun with. I want to watch the sunset on a beach somewhere.

I want so much more out of life...than what I'm getting right now. The problem is...some of what I want involves other people...and we're all too lets say shy to make the first move or to even ask to hangout with each other. Plus my golden window of opportunity fell through today. Frankly, the future scares me and part of me believes it'll be a living hell and be nothing but stressful situations. But for now...I'm not going to think about that, I'm going to listen to my Something Corporate album...Leaving Through The Window, it takes me back to when I was worry free for the most part. When life was so much simpler. When I was actually out on that open road... on the East Coast/Southeast. I used to listen to this album every night before falling asleep...it's a major comfort album for me, and so amazing to listen to in the darkness of your room, or from the backseat of a car staring up at the stars as you drive along a desolate country road. Nothing else matters, it's just you, the world, and Something Corporate singing you to sleep.

Uncles at School.

So far in my educational career(I'm counting k-12 here) I've had an Uncle show up at my school. Oh yeah, and not just to pick me up but there doing public things and somehow I always get dragged into them. Oh and cop presence wasn't at bad...mainly more at lunch.

Elementry School, Uncle Wayne, was our Dare officier yep. haha. Plus my Uncle Jimmy did chapel when I was in 8th grade I think, and I spend basically the whole time standing up infront of the whole school while my Uncle told about how I spent the summer with him being a missionary.

High School...freshmen year. Uncle Jimmy again, chapel...he asks for volunteers and as soon as he said that Josh grabs my arm and sticks it up in the air haha, so I get to go onstage infront of the whole school yet again and hold a candle. Then there's today at lunch, I look up and see my Uncle Wayne with officier Chris...wtf? I mentioned it to the people I was sitting with and they flag them down. Yeah....now Marcus calls him Uncle Wayne....and we're adopted cousins? haha. I guess. Chances are my Uncles won't likely be showing up at BSU next year. Hopefully. Well maybe Uncle John and Aunt Suzi to pick me up for White Castle eating....if gas isn't outrageous. Ha. That means....don't get your hopes up kid.

Speaking of BSU, got orentation information today. God those dates are so close, time is seriously flying by. I thought Spring would drag on but we're getting caps and gowns next Wednesday and Proms only a few weeks away. Summer is probably going to fly to especially if I have a job to keep me busy. So far I've only heard from Scotts and I had to decline because they wanted me to work at a location that's pretty far away from me....no car to get there = no job yet kidz. I still have hope though. Something will work out. Oh and people think I'm crazy for wanting to ride my bike up to Georgetown...seriously takes 15-20 minutes tops. Get over yourselves...I'm not lazy and I have 2 legs. Heh. Definately going to be getting the shuffle if I have to start making that trip though. Alright well I have some shiz to do before Top Chef.

Frustrations

Day 2 of increased security at school. Sucks. This time even more cops showed up. Supposedly, don't quote me on this, Southside and Harding were both closed today because of too much threat? heh. This is nuts. Today the cops decided to direct traffic after school coming in and leaving the school and surrounding area. So they closed off one of the lanes in the parking lot leaving only one lane to get out. Major Headache. We sat there probably 15-20 minutes just waiting to get out of a parking space. Finally we did and had to cut across the whole parking lot just to get out where we sat in another big line of traffic trying to get to State bvld. But we just said screw it and went down Lake. This whole thing is just a mess. Stop shooting people geeze! Supposedly from what I've heard on the news, the cops are supposed to be here all week atleast...or "as long as needed" Great. Good for them I guess, they get more hours...which means more cash for them. Bad because us taxpayers have to pay for that heh. I guess we probably won't get shot this week ha. Any semi-smart person would wait until this blows over and then go start up the shootings again.

Ah it's just been a very frustrating day. This week just needs to end already, I have too much homework and I'm a senior and don't want to do it. Gah.

Fort Wayne, Get Shot City.

So school is in prison mode once again. Swarms of cops constantly around inside and out. Supposedly it has something to do with the 9 people who've been shot and killed in town just in the past week. A few of which have been fairly close to our school. They think that some of these shootings are related...gang related to be specific. So we had to put all our bags no matter what they were for in lockers and there was constantly an administrator lurking. Plus no outside P.E. classes. Our teacher's excuse was that it was too muddy. Yeah right, it hasn't rained in a few days.

Apparently there was another threat on the school for a driveby heh. We had one of those last year as well. It'll blow over. I just find it amusing that when they talk about about these shootings on the news, they always find the people who've moved here from Chicago or Detroit and there like well I never thought Fort Wayne would be this way, I left Chicago or wherever to get away from this and now we're going through it all again. Ok but how do the native Fort Wayne citizens feel about all of this? Sure it's not cool....I'm not condoning shootings but they can happen anywhere and everywhere. It's a fact of life these days, it shouldn't be but sadly it is.

So I guess I'll have to watch the news tonight so see if anyone else has taken a bullet. Heh. One of the last victims was shot 19 times. Not even kidding. I hate school when it's like a prison, I hope this all blows over soon. Aside from all the high security school was pretty good....it felt like Spring all day today and that makes me really anxious to get out of there haha. Ah well....be safe everybody!

One Dream I'd Rather Not Have Come True.

I had a really weird dream last night that is just bugging me for some reason. First off it was the last day of Spring Break at like midnight and there was this huge storm warning. You know the kind of storm with the possibility of producing tornados? Anyways the storm passed and as we're going to school the next morning we drive past Georgetown and there are just swarms of cop cars heading there and already there. I notice that all the windows have been broken out of every store...and not from the storm. There were people stealing things and the cops were pulling them all out of the buildings. Then I notice that at the Shell station on the corner the gas is $6.21 a gallon. Why $6.21? I don't know...All I know is that I looked across the street and the Marathon station still had theirs at 3 something and there were cars lined up down the road to get it. We continue on to school and I get there and for some reason go to Senor's room to sit for awhile before searching for any of my friends. When I do find them I tell them about what I saw adn they don't believe me. After that I just remember going home and knowing I couldn't stay there...I grabbed my brother and our bikes and we left with all the money we had and the all the food we could bring with us. I was scared that someone would try to rob us or steal our bikes as we made our way to a friend's house. We got there and decided to go to my Grandpa's because he had plenty of room to stay and it wasn't that much further away. We got there and found my Grandpa dead...so we just took all the food we could and left. After that I woke up to a sharp pain my chest. It was a distrubing dream knowning that in the back of my mind that it is something that could happen some day.....you never know.

I've already decided that if I get hired at either Walmart or Mejier that during the summer I'm going to try to get the earliest possible shift so I can be dropped off and then walk home....heh good exercise and save on gas. Plus it isn't too terribly far. Of if I get hired at Ritters or TCBY, I can definately walk or ride my bike both ways. Speaking of cash though, I just signed up to participate in a college decisions study group or something.....50 bucks for about and hour and a half of work. That works for me. I can get my ipod shuffle then haha. Shoot if I could just make a living by taking surveys online I'd do that in a heart beat.

Overall, I'm going to say I had a good Spring Break. Lets hope the rest of the year goes this well. Now I can't wait to see some people at school....my lunch table! My math buddies! My Spanish friends lol. I hate to say this but I am going to miss some aspects of high school....especially all my friends who are Juniors :(.

Ha Jodie, I Got Color Over Break Too!

So I spent entirely too much time outside yesterday. So much time outside that I got a sunburn. Not even kidding. It was only 50 degrees tops and I still got burnt.....and not like an even burn. The right side of my face got burnt wayyy more than the left, so I look just wonderful heh. And I get to go fill out applications this way...sorry I'm self-concious. It wouldn't be so bad if it was both sides of my face but it obviously isn't and if it was warmer outside. First sunburn of the year....first week of April haha.

Aside from that, yesterday was pretty fun. Just tell me what's so great about playing Pokemon on gameboy? heh. Ah well wish me luck today kids, cross your fingers that one of these apps gets me atleast one interview...and that my sunburn has faded by then lmao.