There's a Bitter Cold Chill in the Air...That's Haunting Every Breath We Take....

So, we had our first snow day of the school year today. My brother ran into my room dancing wierdly around 8 saying that school was closed. I looked out my window and said yeah right there's not that much snow on the ground. So I flipped on my TV and sure enough we were closed. So I rolled over and went back to sleep until oh you know 10:30ish, but yet I'm still tired. How does that work? haha.

For some reason having a snow day today just really bugged me. I felt like I was sick and missing out on a regular day of school. Which in a way I can see why. Everything we were going to do is now pushed back a day, ect. Well probably most everything except Chemistry. Tell me this: What's the significance of significant figures and why do I need to know how to round them? I've temporarily given up on doing my Chem homework that's due tommorrow because frankly the rules for rouding and picking out significant figures confuzzles me. I'll get back at it later. I also have to study for an English vocab quiz that I didn't study for last night that I should've done ahh.

I went outside uhhh once today, to get the mail. It was cold, and windy, and bright.

Another thing I hate about days off of school, you know besides the weekends, is that typically the only people I have contact with are the people I live with. Ok....I've lived with 2 of them for 16 almost 17 years and the other one for 10 almost 11 years. It gets old sometimes ya know? I feel left out, disconnected from everyone. I keep thinking that everybody is off doing something super cool and super fun without me. And that when I go back to school or whatever everyone will be talking about the awesome time they had on their day off or over spring break ect.

Ah well I did watch a pretty good movie today on the HDmovie channel. If I remember right it was called Cops & Robbersons, it was a Chevy Chase movie. Pretty funny, I'd watch it again.

Well I'm off to go procrastinate some more.

No hamburger, No Special Sauce, No Lettuce, No Nothing

So I started my day today around 8:30ish. Oh Jou right? I got up, got dressed and went over to my Grandpa's house where I hungout with my Aunt and such a bit. Then we headed over to ITT Tech to tour the school. Small place, I don't think I want to go there...Then on the way home we stopped at the library so I could pick up a couple of applications to fill out.

I was home untill about 3:30ish when we went to Mejier to go grocery shopping. Saw Matt....he was doing carts and the gel he had in his hair looked frozen and pretty bad...which in a way was kind of funny. Erin's lane had too long of a line so we went in the one next to it. Then Tom randomly starts yelling at waving at me and pointing at me haha. So we got back around 4:30ish.

We left again at 6ish to take my brother to a birthday party at Laser X. So after that we went to Tar-jay to try to find those shoes again but again they didn't have them blah. So then it was off to Hobby Lobby where I got a color by numbers because I get bored and I like to color psh...Then we had time to kill since Hobby Lobby closes at 8 and the bro's party wasn't over until 8:30. So we decided to go to the mall. We ended up at Penny's and I got this neato jacket for $7. It was originally $44. We also were looking at possible dresses for I don't know whatever occassion. They were onsale tooo....Lots of stuff was onsale there today.

We pick up the bro, get some Mcdonalds and head home...and here I am. I'm tired, I haven't done this much running around in awhile. Luckily all I have to do tommorrow is a little bit of Chemistry homework and maybe read my book for English a little bit.

Oh and I downloaded the Shiny Toy Guns album today, it's pretty awesome, you should probably check it out. Oh and anything by Andrew W.K. is pretty much awesome as well, I got ahold of some of his stuff last weekend. It brings back memories of freshmen year and raking leaves with Tyler, Witters, and Stephen, good times haha.

So, I like blogs....

So yeah, I like blogs obviously I have what 5 of them including this one? Yeah. But writing them isn't the only aspect of blogging that I enjoy. I also enjoy reading them. So I thought that I'd post some links up to the blogs that I enjoy reading so here it goes:

My Site Stinks But Your's Is Cool

http://himynameismark.com/"> Hi My Name Is Mark

http://www.mentalfloss.com/blogs/"> Mental Floss

http://www.jonplustrae.com/"> Jon Plus Trae

http://agoodbeatishardtofind.blogspot.com/"> A Good Beat Is Hard to Find

http://perezhilton.com/"> Perez Hilton Celebirty Gossip
(haha what!?!?)

http://www.eisley.com/journals/trolleywood/"> Laughing City

Ah well that's it for today...get your blog on kids....I'm going to go have Tacos and enjoy Ugly Betty and The O.C.

You're Always....On My Mind...All the Time.

Somebody should win this for me. I'd seriously like....wow take a bullet if someone won it for me. haha.

*EDIT* Link removed cuz it messed up the page...eh....wasn't expecting anybody to win them for me anyways *EDIT*

Speaking of NFG, I stayed up past 1 AM Sunday night so I could watch a concert of theirs on HDnet....but it was most definately worth it.

I want to go see Relient K....March 18th, I believe it is, down in Indy...tickets are only 17 bucks plus service charges. I just don't want to go alone. So somebody go with me!?! Especially if you can drive, like Relient K...and you're parents will let you go a Sunday night...haha school night. It's at the Egyptian Room...ah I'm not expecting to go..but hey somebody shock me.

Well I'm going to go do other stuff before I ramble on about something else entirly pointless.

They Don't Call Me Betty Crocker for Nothin'

I feel like baking....warm delicious chocolate chip cookies. I've been debating about making them the last two nights, but I was being extremely selfish and planned on making them after the bro went to bed so I'd only have to share with my mom..haha. But now I've come to my senses and decided I can share I guess. I shouldn't be eating 2 dozen cookies by myself anyways.

I also have a cake mix...I could make yellow cake with chocolate frosting...that sounds good too. Ooh I should get some muffin mixes at the store today. Muffins sound really good too.

Gah I'm soooo hungry sitting here right now. I'm about to go make some cornbread and heat up a bowl of chili for lunch. That sounds excellent especially since I'm cold sitting here right now. Yes! that's what I'll do. I'll suprise the mommerz when she gets home by making cornbread to go with our lunch...yay for good ideas.


Well...tis all for me now.

And Life Barrels on Like a Runaway Train

So I'm like mentally wiped now. Not because of stress or anything, just school work. I swear my Chemistry teacher is like a homework Nazi or something. Today we had 6 problems in the book (some of which required math...ugh) , and a two sided worksheet, and a pre-lab to do....It makes my head hurt just thinking about it. Plus we took so many notes today that by the end of class my carpal tunnel was acting up. And we have a quiz over the whole chapter on Friday!?! WHHHAAATTTT?!?! I'm going to fail.....save me.

Oh and in English Mr. C wants us to bring in a notebook so we can journal....about stuff that's going on in our lives. What is this therapy? God, I don't know what I'll write...he said don't be afraid to open up about things...he said what's the worst that you can write, what happened when you and your boyfriend broke up? I was like...wow dude if you think that's the worst of my problems than you're in for a shock. I don't know we'll see what comes out. I just hope CPS or some shit like that doesn't get called on me if I decide to open up to him...Mrs. Evans didn't but who knows...this guy is like more....compassionate and actually cares about his students for the most part.

So if I'm journaling at school and the plethora of Chemistry homework continues I won't be online much at all. I have to find and start reading my book for my book report..and start on that stupid autobiography...oh and Math homework. I can't wait for Junior year to be over...I'm more than ready for summer. Gah well I'm going to go...like curl up in the fetal position and watch tv now.....as my brain explodes....haha.

I'm Not Tired....No I'm Not Tired....

Sleep? what's that? For some reason I spent most of the night dozing on and off and tossing and turning. I don't know why though, hopefully I'lll sleep better tonight.

Today was the first day of 2nd term which means all new classes....Yikes!

So we go to homeroom and coach Ike doesn't pass out schedule cards ect until 2 minutes before the bell so I was late to my first period class...that was embarassing. The teacher seems cool though...oh it's Algebra II by the way. Arghness.....stupid heavy ass book. We had to do a problem solving worksheet right off the bat...geeze man give me a break I haven't had math since last spring! Plus I know like nobody in that class...major bummer.

2nd period is Chemistry...atleast I know some people, Tyler, Andrew, Suzy (yes the one from CLHS ugh...annoyingness...haha.), oh and Bernice is going to be in my class too but she's still sick. So I won't get her as a lab partner and I'll end up with someone I don't know :-( . We got homework on the first day from this guy. Like 15 questions and read the first chapter. God we're going to be testing over the first two chapters next Thursday. That's what a week!?! Gah.
Oh and why do all Science teachers generally look the same? Just tell me that....heh. He did blow up stuff with Hydrogen today though, and we melted stuff with acid so that was fun.

3rd period is Advanced Computer Aps/Desktop Publishing, we have a sub, an ex-high school/college star football player. He got a full ride to some college in Ohio...I don't think it was Ohio State though. And he apparently got drafted by the NFL, don't remember what team though...and trained with some team..and then he got injured and couldn't play. He played with the freedom for awhile and then he got injured again so now he just coaches at Snider and subs....so yeah. We were going to do something with word but some crap we had to use was broken so...we surfed the internet an hour and a half until lunch. Which was fine with me.

Lunch was alright, I ate with Erin, Chase, and Amanda. I miss eating with Josh(Bob), Ian, KJ, and Emily..ect though. They're more uh...entertaining. What who doesn't like talking about uh....uh...never mind..haha. I'm not going to keep getting alacarte though unless it's a salad because I don't want to spend a $1.50 a day on just a sandwhich and a milk....with the regular meal I get the main course thing and sides and desert..psh. I need me some of that damn good chocolate cake!

4th period English....Crowely again. I got my extra credit already for the year though 30 points haha. Go me. 30 extra credit points on the first day!?! Yeah...beat that. I sit by Micah....err and the guy they call "the Jew" he's kind of annoying...and is balding....haha. Derek and Alex are in that class though so I know people and can hang with them. We also have a student teacher...who looks like Mrs. Wells....I bet she's her sister they took ALOT ALIKE. If they're not...that'd be freaky. I'll have to ask her if she has a sister that teaches at CLHS....because yeah there's loads of resemblence.

Alright well I think I might get a head start on our massive Chemistry assignment that's due Thursday...I have a feeling I'm gonna need a tudor for this class haha. Right now it's alright...it's just the scientific method and shiz like that. I'm not going to have any life at all thanks to school..luckily the math assignments haven't started rolling in yet....that'll be tommorrow night. OH JOU!

This is the story of a girl....

So I was checking my edline to see what lunch I have for this next term and well I clicked on English to see if Crowley had put any extra credit stuff up, which he had...and I have an advangtage of knowing his extra credits...but anyways, it says 2 page Autobiographical Essay due on the 26th...that's an essay about your life right?

Doesn't this man know that I could have an atleast a 100 page book about my life. Good God man, you're limited me to 2 pages double spaced? You're going to get a really cheesy paper from me, that's all I have to say. He won't really know any more about me from reading that essay except for maybe when I was born, and the names of my family members. He won't truley get an essence of who I am. But yet I should save the dirt for my essay that's going to hopefully help me get that Eli-Lilly Scholarship...if I got that, I wouldn't have to go to IPFW, I could go to IU or Purdue and get an awesome education all expenses paid. Wouldn't that be awesome? Ah well I can dream can't I?

Of course a huge chunk of my life is kept a secret which I' ve been seriously deabating about telling people as you may or may not already know. I'll probaby leave that out of the essay. I wrote about it freshmen year in my obstacle essay....but that didn't even give much insight into it and was really generic and bland too. Ah well he doesn't need to know what makes me react the way I do to things ect.....but I think some people deserve to know. And for some reason I feel like I need to justify myself.

I think I've been thinking too much today though. My head hurts...this is the 2nd blog I've written today. The other was on my GJ....and it was like super deep compared to this. I shared some stuff about a certain night that I was hanging out with a few friends in late June. Of course my head could hurt because of allergies or something, Ah well either way I need to get my crap together for school tommorrow. Here's hoping for a 2 hour delay!

Don't Let This Slip...

So some of you may have noticed that ^ as my away message for the past day or so.

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone really really bad but were scared to because you didn't know what to say to them? Because you'd promised some one else that you wouldn't bring something up but yet you care about this person and just want to help them or listen to them....or just really go up to them and hug them.

But yet part of you wants to tell them what's been eating at you. Something you've debated about telling this person for well practically as long as you've known them. That something is something that makes you act how you do sometimes. It explains a lot....but then again if you told that person in just one short little 6 word sentence what was going on....that you'd have to explain further because everyone asks questions....they always do.

And then you wouldn't be able to tell if the person was sincerly concerned or if they were just trying to act to concerned because they know that's the right thing to do. So then you'd end up feeling stupid about your decision....and feel like you've made a mistake. You keep thinking that no one will get it anyways so why bother telling anyone right? Why make things even more ackward than they already are.

It already seems like you're loosing them and that's the last thing you want. Because lately you haven't been able to get that person off your mind....which hasn't happened in awhile.

I think I run scenarios in my head to much....but can you blame me? It's not like I'm going to go on national television and tell 5 million viewers about my life on Oprah. I'm talking one person here...one person who I want to I don't know maybe recconnect with...or I don't know build a sense of trust with.

I don't know....I think I need to get the courage to just talk to this person....atleast just have enough courage to start the conversation instead of always waiting for them to start it....Blah...this sucks.

Boulders

I feel locked away
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
crushing on my head are boulders
made of lies and dust from all of us

what of the bonds we've made
that have started to fade
we can't control the time
but right now I'll take what I can get out of my life

medicate me again
so I fall away
medicate me now
so I fall away

I feel torn between
two different sides of an opinion
don't know what state I've been in
don't believe in trust, for only one of us

what of the progress made
that night we all forgave
it was a thought out crime
but you should take what you can get out of this life

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=batch_download&batch_id=M7E+pBlABId5TA==

Oh Yale Boys...Get me outta this city....

So yay for hot college guys from Yale yesterday. Especially hot Yale guys named Andrew haha I found it ironic that both the guys whom I thought were good looking were both named Andrew. One was this asian guy and the other one played piano and reminded me of Ben Folds....who I'm actually listening to righ tnow now which is also kind of ironic.

Ah for the love of Irony! One Voice ended up getting canceled...thank God. But we still had our Yale Workshop...which was good because I got out of 4th period and hungout with hot college guys named Andrew haha. Plus their performance that night was hilarious.

"FLAME ON!" 'nuff said. Oh and sewer creatures doing hairspray commericials oh yes....

I ended up getting an award in Web Design Class....like whoa! I've gotten an award for every computer class I've taken. I must be a real geek huh? Ah oh well. Looks good on a college ap anyway right?

I'm going to miss my drama buddies hopefully I'll still get to hangout with some of them. We all exchanged numbers and what not. We'll have to have a reunion party sometime and just play improv games that would be awesome.

4 day weekend, but I'm tired and I think I'm going to go listen to some Something Corporate....Leaving Through the Window.....great album.

Oh and my eyes still hurt...stupid dry weather. Gr.

We can't Runaway....

So when you ask "was something wrong?" That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."

And Sadly I feel like one of those traumatized girls Dr. Drew was talking about on the episode of Loveline I was listening to earlier today..(from 2001, NFG was on....suprise suprise huh? lol...)

P.S. Our Student Teacher for Drama is pretty much Awesome, has some excellent ideas and a pretty awesome personality from what I can see....I still say he's a total 80's hair metal band fan though and I'm stickin' to it...ha! Why are student teachers always way cooler than regular teachers whyyy? Don't get me wrong Ms. Hines is pretty freakin' awesome but she gets these college kids in their early-mid twenties and they're just more fun most of the time. Ah well we only have him for the next two days anways. It should be fun. But One Voice = mucho problemo....production wise. The show is tommorrow and we haven't had one tech rehearsal...ha we're screwed!

Dear Mr. Bill Gates....

Your new software products suck. I think I want an Apple now. Geeze. All your freakin' products have done is screw up my computer & people I know's computers...

Don't upgrade to Windows Media Player 11.....I've been having mucho problems with it. I'm scared to update the other stuff Microsoft is trying to push on me. But if WMP keeps being screwy then I'm gonna dump it and get Winamp...psh.
Ah well I'm going to see if I can mess with this crap to make it work right....*sigh*

Screw Fall Out Boy





NFG is opening for Fall Out Boy....geeze what is this world coming to? Anyways this was at the end of a review for their first show with FOB. I found it pretty amusing and accurate haha.



"In an amusing nod to the upcoming appearance of Pete Wentz, the band announced mid-set that its own Ian Grushka was actually the sexiest bass player of the night, before getting him to remove his bass and his shirt to reveal a truly bulbous belly."

So Finally something about 06'

This is generic and I stole it off some other dude's blog and it's way shorter than others I've seen...so yeah. Here it goes:

2006 AWARDSTime to reflect!!

Drinking Buddy of The Year? Sorry Don't Drink....

BowenLifetime service award - Longest friend: It's a tie between....Erin and Miranda derrr

High Point of the year? Probably drawing the collage in drama class that forced me to reflect back on the few good days I had in summer of 06'.

Low point of the year? Basically all of June-November....yeah. Pretty much. Still isn't too great ya know?

Best holiday? Valentines day...just because that's the only one I remember being fun this past year...

Anthem for 2006? Ooo probably Still Fightin' It by Ben Folds, for many many reasons. I made this neato collage based off this song this past summer, I've been meaning to post that but still haven't gotten around to it.

Any regrets? Of course, but I'm not going to burden you with them. I'll just let them to continue to eat away at me...ya know? I sound optimistic don't I? haha....

Best Night out? Umm..probably one of the few chances I got to hangout with my friends.

Worst Night out? Probably in June, when I was with my friends trying to have a good time but my mind & heart wasn' t in it, and all I could think about was how I was scared to go home. I wish I would've enjoyed that night/day more, who would've thought that I haven't hungout with them in basically 6 months....it sucks.

Best concert? Dashboard Confessional with The Secret Machines and The Hush Sound, seriously one of the best experiences of my life besides the fact of being stuck behind two lesbians who made out the whole time haha.

Best New Relationship/Friend? hmm...probably with Josh(Bob), Devon, & Ian

Best decision made all year? To finally stand up for myself, and not settle for what was happening.

Best new album that you have gotten? umm...wow, Probably Coming Home by New Found Glory or When Your Heart Stops Beating by (+44) They came out at good times in life for me....I don't know with both albums it just felt..right and good.

Most proud moment? Doing well in school despite everything else....being able to keep my composuer for the most part

Most reliable person? probably my Mom....

Best job of the year? The Marriage Seminar I teched for was pretty much an awesome experience...

Best Film? Hmm....Benchwarmers?!?! lol...It had "Hit or Miss" in it..come on!!

Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best): 3...sorry but it sucked. Being 16 is overrated.

Plans for 07?: Get an actual job for the summer, pass my junior year, finally get my liscense, be more open with people, don't hold things back when I don't have to, Actually finish cleaning my room lol...

Best friends (not gf/bf)?: Erin, Miranda, Matt, Chris, Joshers, KJ, & Devon

Windows, oh why must you complicate me?

So I'm not to sure if I like Windows Media Player 11. I finally updated it uh...yesterday I think. There are some pros and cons to it. And I'm bored so I'll list them and maybe you can make an informative decision about wether or not to upgrade. Eh. I'm bored and putting of History & Drama stuff even though I don't have school till Monday.

Pros
-My lastfm plug-in still works so data is still being sent....that's a major plus
-I like how the library is set up on the library tab, it shows like an actual picture of the album
-I like buttons on it, like the play, skip, stop...ect...buttons
-I like that there's a back button when I'm going through my library
-I like the search feature, for example I can put in the word Green and it'll come up with all the songs/artists that have the word Green in them
-I like how that under each tab (the ones that say Now Playing, Burn, Sync, Library) that there's an arrow with a drop down menu)
-I like that you can still customize the color of your player...mine's a nice dark blue right now haha.

Cons
-It doesn't display the title & Artist of the song at the top anymore, you have to either look at the side menu if you have that turned on or at the bottom which is annoying.
-There's no option for selecting all my music at once to put on it shuffle...sure I could do that manually but I'm lazy danget!
-Everytime I close out of it, it doesn't save my now playing list and I have to recreate it...that's uber annoying
-I don't like how the side panel that displays your playlist is white....it doesn't match at all.
-I don't like how when I'm browsing through the artists in my library how it doesn't display the names on the left side column anymore, that causes me to have to scroll forever to find the artist I'm looking for, they could atleast put a, b, c, d,...ect to help navigation out.
-I don't like how it doesn't display the length of each song on the now playing panel like Windows Media 10 did.

A bigger picture...

So I just got done watching an amazing episode of Oprah. They took 64 high school students from various different cliques and had them really open up to eachother, it was pretty awesome. It made me wish that something like that would happen at my school, or at everyone's schools for that matter.

I've talked to kids who aren't comfortable at their own school. Talked to kids who've been picked on for their beliefs and intrests. Kids who didn't have anyone to talk to at school. Who felt alone. I've been there. It's a horrible feeling. Nobody should have to feel that. When those people confided to me that they felt that way. I felt for them, I knew what that's like, but I didn't know what to say to try and make it bettter, because really I knew that there really wasn't anything I could do, especially if I don't happen to go to the same school as that person.

Maybe just getting a group of people together whom you know, your friends, your friend's friends and just open up to them...because we all know that we've been lying to them about something. Keeping something hidden from them. Something that majorly affects us and our lives and how we live them. And maye just maybe telling our story to someone might give us someone to relate to, or just enable us to better understand where we're all coming from.

I wish I could go up to every person in life I've hurt and apologize. I feel bad about things I've said and done to people. I know now why've done those things and it's horrible. Ever hear the phrase: "Those who hurt; hurt people." That's what I feel like I'm doing. I'm taking my hurt out on other people. Even pushing other people away. I hate that. I just want to go up to every single one of my friends give them a hug and say I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you in any way shape or form. I don't want to loose them. A lot of them are stability in my life...even if they don't know that. I want them to hear my story, to know what makes me hurt. I want to know what makes them hurt...so we can help each other.

What good is having friends, if you can't confide in them? What good are friends who feel hurt because of something you've done? What good are friends who don't express themselves?

I'm guilty, I don't confide in my friends for the most part. I've felt hurt from something a friend has done/said to me. I don't express myself a lot of the time because it creates ackward situations...or atleast it seems like it does anyways. I'm scared, of what they think, how they judge me. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm horrified of them breaking my trust and blabbing my hurt to the world. To me that would hurt even more. There's a time to tell someone and there's a time to keep your mouth shut. Especially if it means potentially putting your friend a more worse situation than they're already in.

I won't tell if you won't tell.....

We all put up fronts.....I think it's time we knock them down. Break down the barriers, the tension, the ackwardness.....embrace eachother and our problems.

Sillies....

So the last 20 minutes has been amazing. I watched a live performance of "Broken Sound" being played acoustic....it was well AMAZING!

Then I read this: http://www.eisley.com/journals/trolleywood/
And that just really got me grinning. Somehow I could see that happening to me....except I don't have an airsoft gun..only big colorful squirt guns..haha...

I'm getting my hair cut tommorrow....eeeeee

That's all I have to say haha.