Day 54

Itchy oh so itchy. I need a nice oatmeal bath or something. No I don't have chicken pox but I do seem to itch all over with a rash in places. I wish it would stop it's been driving me crazy all day. Gah I feel like I'm going crazy with all this itching. What's wrong with me? Gah....plus I somehow have gotten a nice sized bruise on the top of my foot...WTF? Where'd that come from?

Ah anyways on a side note, tommmorrow we release the butterflies at work. I get to assist whoo. Haha.

I can't concentrate enough to write anything at the moment...

Day 53

Today I ache...from the inside out. The outside ache is winning though...causing me far more pain. My shoulder just throbs, sending pain down my arm and into my hand. Nothing really I can do for it though aside from riding it out. Two months later it still almost feels like the day I hurt it in the first place. At the moment it doesn't matter how I sit or situate myself...nothing stops the ache.

Lately I can't seem to think...or find the motivation to do much. I still have yet to write that stupid letter to get me out of jury duty. I'm falling into that it's summer I don't want to do shit mode. Sure I do stuff at work, but at home...haha. Yeah right. I've been too lazy to put my laundry away for weeks. It's all just stacked up on my computer chair.

I'm slowly but surely letting things that were on my potential list of things to do this summer remove themselves be removed from that list. Maybe some other summer....but not this year. Because somebody in this world has to be realistic for once right? Thanks to society...money is a determaninent for everything...and like the majority of people I need more of it, and must make sacrifices to obtain it. Therefore things on the list must go. Mostly because I refuse to be stuck in socio-economic pattern that my parents and people I know families are stuck in. I will not be stuck with a minimum wage job where I get shitty hours. Hell, I've started off better than that already with my first job. I'm already full time and making more than minimum wage so at any point in my life why should I settle for anything less than that? Only if it's life or death. Otherwise, I'll continue to strive for better. At the very least to shove in the faces of the people who said this is a waste, that this is pointless...that I couldn't do it. Yeah that's right a big F U to them. So if that means I have to walk into a bank tommorrow and take out a loan for 8 grand to pay for school than so be it. I sure as hell ain't sticking around here for longer than I have to. This place is a cess pool full of negativity...and people who don't give a shit.

I will work my ass of the rest of the summer to guarentee my job for next summer. Plus, seriously questioning this whole cell phone thing again...wondering if it's really a necessary expense. We shall see haven't fully decided, may wait until August if anything. I'll be dropping a shitload of money in August anyways...probably all of the money I have in my account that I have at the moment, if not more. Ah oh well...work your ass off and it's gone with a snap of the fingers. Isn't life grand?

I suppose I should go read this book is due Tuesday and I still have quite a ways to go in it...my lunch chatting has put me behind in my reading.

Day 52

Good day, just started too early and didn't sleep all that many hours last night. So I'm pretty wiped out right now. Definately going to bed early tonight. If I don't fall asleep sitting here right now which could very well happen.

Too tired to really think of anything but sleeping so yeah, just wanted to let you guys know I'm still kicking and glad I only have 4 days to work this week. 3 Day weekend next weekend! Yes! Plus already looking forward to Thursday night. Hopefully this week will be alright...just need to start it off well by being well rested haha.

Alright well I think I'm going to lye down and put on an episode of ER to watch.

Day 50

After a horrendously shitty day, I can't even count on the one thing I look forward to everyday. But apparently my favorite part of the day isn't that important, so I'll probably just head to bed at 11 instead of sitting around waiting. By 11 I'll have waited an hour and a half, and I have to be at work super early tommorrow. Plus the only thing that's on TV is stuff about Michael Jackson. Oh boy.

Started the day off feeling blah, and ending the day feeling shitty; in multiple ways. I definately feel like I need a week of hermtized days. I honestly don't feel like doing anything other than sleeping or lying in bed staring at a wall or something exciting like that.

I've officially decided that if I can't get the 8 grand that I need for school, I'm dropping out. I know I'm going to loathe anywhere else than BSU so what's the point? Plus I'd have to change my major...and I don't know what the hell I'd change it to. So fuck it. Where do I sign up for welfare? I'll join the drain on the enconomy...as a big FU to the financial aid people for giving me shit this year. FYI kids, if you have a 3.6 GPA and make the Deans List that still doesn't qualify you for the Academic Competiveness Grant. It's times like these that I almost wished I drank or something that makes you either numb out or pass out. Too bad I don't like puking though because I'm pretty sure if I took something that did that too me, I'd be sick...so I'll pass. Hey maybe the world will really end 2012 and I won't have to worry...one can only hope. heh.

Alright well almost 11, time is running out...just another shot to the gut/heart wherever you'd prefer to hit me.

Day 48

So I have to admit that I probably should've gone to bed earlier than 1 AM last night. I am pretty tired at the moment but I was enjoying the conversation too much to even consider getting offline any earlier. Plus work being incredibly boring today didn't help me much either.

Only three more days of work till the weekend, and then I get to spend all day with the Boy :-). Seriously can't wait.

I am randomly watching a show about stress on PBS. Yeah, I'm the only kid you know who willing turns on PBS to watch something on a regular basis haha. It's a National Geographic Special haha.

Well I'm not sure what else I want to say so this is it for me tonight.

Day 47

Wow, almost to day 50 of summer break. Awesome. That means the days till we go back are getting smaller. Although when I think of that now, I get a twinge of nervousness in my stomach. He's told me not to be nervous about it, but I can't help it. School won't be the same without him there. I'll go to class, work, and when I'm not doing that I don't know what I'll do. I suppose study, and be incredibly bored and lonely. I think that if it ended up being that way, my sophmore year just wouldn't measure up at all. Knowing that he's stuck here...miserable would be incredibly hard for me. Yes I do care about him that much. Yes I am scared and worried about this. I don't want going back to school this year to be bittersweet. I want this all to go away, and have it just be a dream, a prank even.

So please send good thoughts our way please. So everything works out...I can't leave my other half behind. I can't. I think that might cause a huge regression...and I don't want that at all. The possibility of that scares me too.

This past year and mostly good things happening to me was definately a new thing for me. A good new thing. But I don't want this next year to be the opposite. Can't we just build off the good things?

I know...I'm a pathetic worry-wart, but sometimes I just can't help it, especially when it comes to the person I care about so much.

Day 46

I've spent a little time tonight re-reading some old blog enteries I wrote the past couple of years, I don't know I like going back and reminiscing or atleast trying to remember or sometimes forget about what was happening then. Or even just realizing how much I've changed since I wrote those enteries. I hate to see how bad my greatestjournal enteries are haha, from like 2004. Yeah, I've been blogging for a long time. All through high school and still through college.

I don't know ever since 8th grade, I've just had these urges to write all kinds of things. Too bad my grammar sucks haha, and that I'm better about writing about random life happenings than about factual things, or I could've made a career out of it, but I think I'll just stick to this hobby. But yet once again I'm feeling like a need a good blog again, I just feel like most of my enteries as of late, have been boring and plain just discussing the details of my life, instead of anaylzing things or whatever you know? I don't know we'll see, half the time I'm too tired to anaylzing anything except for the joints that hurt, how pathetic is that?

As of now I'm trying to figure out how to get out of jury duty if I'm picked, I got a summons notice in the mail today. Oh joy. Thanks Indiana, you're amazing. :-/.

Well I'm tired, so I'm going to go to bed, and enjoy sleeping in, yes!

Day 44

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

Day 42

We're 18 days away from approaching the two months at home mark. At that point, I'll only have roughly 3 weeks of work left. Whoa. Not that that is a bad thing.

Had today off since I have to work Saturday. It's been nice, spent the morning with Adam. Took a nap this afternoon and woke up and swallowed and had the worst pain I've ever felt in my life in my throat and ears. Oh wow, my throat still hurts when I move my head in a certain way and when I swallow. So yeah...what the heck?

Drove around in the Audi today, I don't know I think when I get a car, I want something younger, not that it isn't nice to drive...but I felt kind of old driving it haha. Plus, no aux out on the stereo...lame. Stuck listening to lame ass Ft. Wayne radio stations...blah. I've actually gotten a lot of driving in the past two days haha, I've literally been all over town. Tommorrow I do it all again as well. I dunno it's just unusual for me.

Not looking forward to the next few days, blah. I want to fast forward to Monday, please and thank you. Plus I get paid again next Friday. Hopefully this computer won't act up again, yeah it had another one of it's...Hi I'm not going to turn on for you episodes this week. Grr. I really don't want to be dropping that kind of money for yet another laptop, plus going through a laptop a semester, probably not good. Ah well I need to find something to do this weekend, gotta have something to look forward to. We'll see what I can come up with....

Ah well have to go pick up the moms soon, so that's all for me now.

Day 40

FUCK!! FUCK!!! FUCK!!! I hate this. My head just may explode, stress has turned this bitch of a headache into a migrane. I'm so screwed. If this is a sign of what's to come this week then fuck it, I already know this weekend is going to suck but this is definately a shitty way to start off the week. I feel like throwing this piece of shit out the window... GAH!!