Day 69

Can we just say fuck this week? Thanks.

Wednesday will be now spent hibernating. The rest of the week will now be spent in a daze between half awake and half asleep...And Sunday I can sleep it all away...oh wait Sunday is going to suck as well because I get to go to a like five hour fucking church service for Cousin # 9's baptism in three different languages. Great. Nobody wants me to have any fun this week.

Argh off to work...

Day 68

Today well rather this morning I've been pondering the possibility of a tatoo and the locations and what it would be. Well I think I've narrowed down the 2nd part. A recurring lyric in this blog has been,

"May your Organs, Fail before your dreams fail you"

I think that's the winner, I was toying around with NFG lyrics, but I don't know none of them seemed to fit. I considered Failure's Not Flattering but I like this lyric by The Matches better.

So we'll see, it's not like I'm going to run out tonight and get this inked onto my body haha. Because yeah location, how I want it done, ect. All need to be figured out as well. Just throwing the idea out there. Who knows it may even not happen. We shall see.

Work till 9 tonight blah, but I only have to close 9 more times over the next three weeks of work...blah that seems like a lot haha.

Ok well I suppose I should finish getting ready, mostly because I've yet again been distracted by music and can't think of anything else to write.

Day 67

Got to sleep in this morning, ahhh glorious sleep!

Anyways just thought I'd write a little something here today because I haven't updated since Wednesday. The last couple of days have been pretty good if I do say so myself.

Heading to my grandparent's house today for my Grandpa's birthday, oh boy...eh. But whatever. Work again all this week but only 3 weeks left. Wowzers.

Ok well I'm entirely too busy listening to music to type something worthwhile, maybe a better update later?

Day 63 Cont...

At the moment I'm trying desperately to write this letter. I don't have one word written down. I've been sitting here almost an hour trying to figure out what to say. It doesn't help that I don't know who I'm addressing, sir? madame? commitie? bsu? I don't know my audience...which is my first road block.

But I think my major roadblock is my instincts. My instinct is not to air this stuff to the public. It scares me. I don't want people to judge me based of other people's actions. Plus, I feel like...its something I don't know enough about to really talk about. The last thing I want to do is present information that contradicts other information that is being presented, that may raise questions and put up red flags which would be horrible...all because I don't have my facts straight.

The details are all fuzzy to me at the moment, and I'll can come up with are a list of apologies...and feelings of patheticness towards myself. The details that aren't fuzzy are the ones that don't pertain to this particular situation and won't help. I'm also honestly afraid I'll go off on a tangent that definately doesn't pertain to the situation at all.

This is exactly why I've put this off...because I'm afraid to fail, and be the let down, and it looks like I'm living up to those self-proclaimed lables. Dammit, if only I could write like I used to. I'm afraid I've lost that part of me....I haven't been able to write like that in a long time.

I need shrink-a-tized don't I? Dr. Phil or Dr. Drew or any shrink really...would have a field day with me.

At the moment, I fear the reprecusions of my lack of sucess.I guess I better hope the writing juices start flowing here or I'm up shit's creek.

Day 63

I have a bad feeling, a bad gut feeling that none of this will last. I have a feeling that all of this will come crumbling down on me. Things are already falling back into their old places.

If that happens I'm throwing in the towel...

We'll see how things are by January, I have a feeling I'll most likely be permanently home by then.

Day 62

*Click the Above Picture to Make Bigger*

I would say I'm hovering somewhere between a 2 and a 5 the majority the time these days. And today we got to throw in some knee pain thanks to hauling books down to storage multiple times today. I'm falling apart. Should a 19 year old be facing a pain level of even 2-5 everyday? Argh.

I've found that stress makes it worse, now today I wasn't too stressed out but the physical labor drove it up today. Although coming home and recieving a low blow didn't help me any.

I think I'm going to go work on a different project instead of sitting here griping.

Day 61

I'm up and mostly ready for the day just sore still. Yeah, left side of my body still shulder down my leg. Just annnoying...blah.

Maybe more of an update later, gotta finish getting ready to walk up to the bus.

Day 58

Well out of curiousity I just googled or rather swagbucked (and got another one FYI yess for being at 270!) how many days I have left in the Fort, can you believe that I'm 42 mere days away from going back? I thought the number would never seem to get smaller when I was so close to a hundred but now, wow...it's exciting.

Today went to Big Lots because they had some seaons of ER for $6, I now own seasons, 1, 2, 3, & 7. I also picked up bed risers for $8. Seem pretty legit so they should work. Now all I have to get is random stuff that could all be purchased and fit into one of those little baskets at Walmart haha. Although I would really like a new backpack for school but we shall see. They had some today on sale at MC Sports when were there today. My old one is just well old and has a big stain on the back of it. Blah. We'll see I guess.

Going to cook some burgers out on the grill tonight. Tommorrow we're heading up to Angola for the annual parade and then out to pizza afterwards.

I'm kind of ready for a nap, got up too early-ish, and have to get up at a decent hour so we can drive up there for the parade. Ah well I'm going to see if my charcoal is ready yet. So more another time.

This is What I Do at Work....

Well on a good day that doesn't have me hauling boxes and books and heavy things that make my arms hurt haha.

Day 56

I had a dream last night that my boss was going to make me paint parking spaces lines with a crayola yellow washable marker. In the middle of a heat wave.

Then this morning I woke up, got tooth paste on my shirt and feel like I want to punch someone.

This is what going to bed in not a good mood does to you.

I guess I'll head to work soon and see what else this already shitty day has instore.