Umm...Title?

I've finally found 2 matching red socks! Yay! Go Me! haha. Now I just don't know what red shirt I'm going to wear with them, or whatever other red things I own. I wish I had red shorts. :(. Anybody want to loan me some? I think I'm either going to try and find a red headband at the store this weekend orrrr a red bandana or actually find my red bandana but after the sock thing, I'm really tired of looking for stuff haha. I'm really wishing I still had those red track pants but....I don't have them anymore :(.

Oh well, I'm sitting here listening to Dashboard....MTV Unplugged album. Reminds me of when I saw them live. I've also concluded that this would make a great road trip album...you know because it's just dying to be sung along to.

So...I don't really have much else to say because I'm feeling distracted and not in the blogging mood so that's all for me today kids.

Gotta Keep It Simple Now.

So I don't feel well, haven't really since Monday night. Part of my feeling bad at the moment I know can be attributed to anxiety/stress. But the other part I think may be allergies or something because it's hurting to breathe again like it did around this time last year. I only remember because I was sick last year and missed out on going to the Auburn fair...which I probably won't get to go to this year for many other reasons. Unless somebody wants to go...and take me with them? haha.

I feel very Sherri Durpee errr Gilbert right now...mostly because of the way I'm wearing my hair. It's just very Sherri. Not that that's a bad thing. I like her hair. Well her hair color is better than mine but the style I have going on right now is similar to what she does to her hair sometimes.

Anyways homecoming is next week. Monday is colors day...Seniors are RED! Whoo I need to find my other red soccer sock...I have two pairs and yet I can only find one red sock!?! psh. Tuesday is costume day...and I have no idea as to what I should be....so any suggestions are welcome. Wednesday is Hat/Jersey Day....blah probably just wear my Galaxy jersey, and maybe a hat...I've already worn all my good ones to school already. Thursday is PJ day. I usually just shower the night before....put on pj's that night and roll out of bed in the morning haha. Friday is Black n' Gold day of course.

So...yeah I think I'm going to go watch TV and lye down...so tis all for me kids.

Here I Go...Scream My Lungs Out....

So I stole this from Chris....20ish things that I've really never told anyone. So some of you may know these but most of you don't.

1.I have fairly bad anxiexty. The future stresses me out. I've lost sleep due to anxiety attacks. I've also missed school due to anxiety a few times. I get really shakey and feel like I'm going to puke....sometimes I can't breathe...but that's only when it gets really bad. I also have like the closest bathroom planned out at school relative to the classroom I go to...because the thought of throwing up stresses me out so much.

2.My freshmen year I was suicidal, I seriously considered ending my life. I had to force myself not to go into the kitchen and grab a knife to slit my wrists. Instead I just resorted to purposely bruising myself. Luckily I haven't been that way since.

3.I'm totally against drinking, smoking, and doing drugs. I'm against smoking because I prefer not to end up with lung cancer...or some other disease related to smoking. I'm agains drinking and drugs because I've seen first hand how they mess people up and that scares me....so I don't want to do that to myself....or put other people through the consequences of my actions.

4. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends and he doesn't know it.

5.I've come to dread Christmas and the weeks following because I hate hearing everyone talk about all the cool things that they've gotten. It makes me embarassed to say what gifts I've recieved.

6.I haven't gone on a real date since my freshmen year of high school. I've been to scared, that a guy might try and take advantage of me again.

7.I worry about my weight too much. I'll skip meals, or not eat very much because I think I'm too fat. Even though I can wear the same pair of jeans that I got the beginning of my 8th grade year and t-shirts from 4th grade.

8.I wanted to transfer out of Concordia after about the first month of school. I hated it there. Until I met some cool people, then I was sad about leaving. I still miss it sometimes. Mostly certain people and my private school food. BBQ potatoe chips, zebra cakes, and pineapple orange banana juice lmao.

9.I have this gut feeling that I'm not going to get into college at all except for IPFW. Then I'll be stuck getting some major I don't even want to get. I've gotten used to being let down.

10.I'm scared that by the age of thirty I'll have lost all function/motion of my hands and wrists due to carpal tunnel or whatever the hell is wrong with them. This problem has only been getting worse since 7th grade. It's so bad that some days I want to scream in pain. I'm scared of going to the orthopedic doctor because I think they're just going to perscribe me pain meds and I don't want to be an enabler. So for now I just live with it.

11.I think I'm ugly. I think that my hair constantly sucks, that I'm too pale, ect.

12.I spend more weekends at home alone in my room than out with friends.

13.I've only ever kissed one boy, and it wasn't the greatest experience in the world....he slobbered all over me. That was almost 4 years ago.

14.I tend to be negative about things and point out the downside or consequences of things to people. I think that annoys people. So I'm sorry.

15.In like 5th grade I was obessed with Aaron Carter but no one ever knew haha. I was always trying to get up the courage to ask my parents to buy me an Aaron Carter CD lmao...but I never did ask. Thank God.

16.In 7th grade I'd find random bands on purevolume (mp3.com that's what it used to be back in the day) and download their songs and act all superior because I was listening to a band that no one had ever heard of. When they were like bands from Texas who only had ever played like 2 shows and then broke up haha.

17.I can be very self-ish. For example I don't want kids because they cost too much money lol. Plus I've very stingy and won't buy anything without like comparing prices first. I've actually talked myself out of buying things I've really wanted many times.

18.I secretly like want to change up my style....but am afraid to and don't have the money to really wear what I want to wear. I mean it's not like a humungo lets wear all pink thing.....but sort of different.

19.Contrary to the state of my room I'm actually a pretty organized person. I'm just too lazy to actually clean my room because I know that I don't have a place to put everything. So my attitude is just screw it...I'll deal with it when I move out someday.

20.I really miss playing soccer and playing sports with the guys at recess in elementary/middle school. I had a lot of fun doing those things...and just wish that sometimes I was outside just running around playing football or soccer.

No Man's Land

So I've been finding all sorts of things out lately. Good things. Yesterday we had a Sr. Assembly and the college estimator cost lady was there. She gave me hope that I won't be in debt the rest of my life. Especially since my FASFA or whatever will be based off of 07' info. So yeah, I'm going to apply to Ball State and Valpo along with IPFW of course now. But I'm really hoping Ball State because their program is better there.

Anyways enough about school, I'm honestly tired of talking about college stuff for once. Moving on to other things I've found out just recently. So you know that 20 things I want to say to people....well Erin and Chris both did it. I found out after asking Chris that Dan liked me freshmen year too. That was like whoa. So wow....that makes Chris, Dan, Vinny, The Rat (blah), and Josherz that all liked me freshmen year. So why am I still single dammit!?! haha.

No seriously though, I hate that more and more girls are making the first move. I guess I'm kind of old school in that sense and would rather have a guy ask me out than me having to make the first move. I mean I can drop all the hints I want and it seems like most guys just don't get it haha. Oh well.....I mean there's only a couple...one in particular whom I want to go out with anyways....you know #3 from the entry below this one. But uh, we may just be destined to be friends.

I'm tired so I'm gonna go sleep.....fun I know. Oh and by the way the freshmen guys at my bus stop are all assholes. Me and Mole Kid(I still don't know his name lmao) are the only non-asshole people at that bus stop that we waited a half hour at this morning in the fog...getting swarmed by misquitoes.

So I was bored.
20 People. No more, no less.
1) List 20-ish things that you want to say to people, but never will.
2) Don't say who they are.
3) Never discuss it again.


1. I miss our crazy antics from back in the day some times. I wish we could hangout more. I wish you didn't live so far away now. Well I know it's not that far but to me it's still too far. You're an amazing and a very talented person. Sure a little eccentric at times but that's really what makes me admire you. You just don't care and do what you want, wear what you want, and say what you want...even more so than your average teen stickin' it to the man by going against the norm. Never change...and you'll always be my friend if you ever need anything at all.

2. I don't understand why you do the things you do a lot of the times. Part of me thinks you just want a lot of attention because your sister gets most of it. Part of me worries about what'll happen next year and where you'll go. We've known eachother since 2nd grade....I don't know I guess I just hate to see you not being given the chance to succeed at something your passionate about. Although, I'm not quite sure what you're passionate about besides recieving attention from people.

3. One thing I'll never have the guts to say to your face is, "I Love You." You mean so much to me and you'll never probably know that. I haven't known you as long as some people but I feel that I can trust you. Trust comes hard to me these days so you should feel good about having my trust. You don't know this but you've helped me through a lot of tough times by just helping me keep my mind off of what was going on. We talk about anything and everything and I love that. I never ever want to loose that bond between us. I can't loose you. You're a part of me wether you like it or not. Please don't ever change, you're amazing regardless of what other people think. I made a mistake February of 05'. I think we both know what that was....I regret that all the time. It should've been you...and not him.

4.I've seen you change a lot as we've grown up together and gotten older. You've let other people form who you are insteading of learning how to be you. You've in a sense learnt how to become a combination of everyone else. It makes me wonder, why did you ever befriend me? Was it because the people you did hang out with back in the day abandoned you and you saw that from the start I've always been the odd ball out doing my own thing but still having as much fun as possible? It's frustrating. I pretty much think...No I know, that you're all talk and no action. A little tip...try some action. Be proactive about something for once....go out of your way to experience something new. Break out of the close-minded sheltered midwestern cliche, and no I'm not talking about copying something that I or someone else may be doing....get some Culture.

5.I took for granted all the opportunties the chances we had to hangout over the past few years that I've known you. Now you're gone and I miss you. I wish we could hangout tommorrow but I know that's not possible. I love you like a brother. I admire you for being so open and up front with me. It's given me the courage to be more open with people. You've truely impacted my life in a positive way...and I want to thank you for that. Oh and we most definately just need to go a nice long road trip sometime....hitting up as many shows along the way of course too. ^_^

6.You're quite an amazing writer, I fear that people don't give you enough credit where credit is due. You write so beautifully....I often think, Wow you're amazing and all my writing is crap compared to yours. I hope you continue to write...I miss reading your blogs, if you get a chance post more. Even though they were at times cryptic....they're still amazing and make me think. Write On! (how lame is that? lol)

7. You're probably the best relative I have....save for well my one Aunt and Uncle who don't have kids. Anyways, we go to school together now, and that's pretty cool. I remember planning with you how we were going to skip out on boring family gatherings and just go have fun. Looks like that hasn't happened yet...but give it time....it'll happen. Get more out of your high school experience than I did. Live it up!

8.You listened to me complain a whole bunch. Mainly about me being hungry or about someone else...mainly a certain teacher haha. Thanks though, I know it must have gotten old and you probably wanted to punch me in the face and just yell at me to shut up. You're really smart, I hope you're really successful someday.

9.Honestly, you talk ALOT! Mostly crap about other people. That is annoying and people find that annoying. Sometimes you need to learn when to keep your mouth shut. People get tired of you running your mouth. Especialy so early in the morning...I mean damn, I'm not awake enought to listening to people bitching that early.

10.I wish we still had class together. But sadly we don't have any this year. Nothing will compare to Sophmore foods that class was amazing. My Advanced Foods class just isn't the same without everybody in it. You're really creative and amazing....so don't let your talents go to waste.

11.We only ever officially met face to face once...and that was by complete random chance last year, when I just randomly showed up at your school. Anyways I remember the long summer chats the summer before my Sophmore year. Thanks for those. I'll always remember them and take them to heart. We should probably actually hangout sometime haha.

12.I've always wondered what ever happened to you. What school you go to now....what happened during life after pre-school and kindergarten. You were my best friend then and if I remember right you were a pretty good dancer even throwing money out while dancing on the table at our kindergarten graduation (or so the tape shows. haha)

13. You literally saved my life, and I can never thank you enough for that. You've always been like a big brother to me. You've always looked out for me and made sure I got passed to and such...Thanks.

14.Grow Up Kid...your not a young kid anymore. Whining and complaing will get you nowhere. If you want something done don't rely on other people to do it or buy it for you. Work your ass off and do it/earn it for yourself.

15.Don't be afraid to put yourself out there, You're really smart but you should speak up more and share your knowledge with others. Don't fear the unkown...try something new, who knows you may like it.

16.I hate that you tried to use me in 4th grade, I guess the plan kind of backfired though huh? Too bad. I'm glad you didn't stick around after 6th grade.

17.You honestly freak me out....stop staring at me. I thought we've been over this whole thing. Get it through your head...you freak me out and I don't have feelings for you. Sorry.

18.I like how we sort of just tip toe around what we were back in elementry school like the best friends ever. We go to the same school now and barely even acknowledge each other. Oh well. Our parents thought it was the cutest thing ever though right? haha.

19. I miss the things we used to after school. It had to be better than sitting at home everyday and doing homework. We were outside all the time doing all kinds of things. Now you seem like you've gotten shyer. I don't know, I miss the younger you. The kid that would play outside with me and sing Linkin Park at the top of our lungs while playing soccer.

20.The Pocket of Death....was by far the grossest thing ever. But I remember it well....and no my Dad is not a member of the Beatles. You too have always cared and are one of the nicest people I know.

At School in English.

I'm bored, I still have till 1:05 in this class boo. Everything on these computers are blocked. I want to check my facebook messages, because I've gotten email saying I've got some but facebook and myspace are both blocked gah.So are other game sites and the-n. Atleast APnet hasn't been blocked yet. So....bored.

Next period I heard we're getting like 50+ problems in math...fun.

Atleast after school we're going to Best Buy to pick up some CDs.

That's only what 2 hours from nowish till we get out of school. I really don't have much else to say for myself, I'm in my non-thinking school state of mind right now. All of today has been pretty much terribly boring.

*Insert Cryptic Song Lyric Title Here*

So, I made more money than intended this week...but that's more than ok with me. The worst part of my weekend is going to be writing a rough draft essay for English. Blah. How many different essays can you write comparing Beowulf's heroic qualities to someone elses'? Gah. So repitive.

Oh well my reward for turning my essay in on Tuesday will be going to Best Buy to pick up FTSTYSII. It's only going to cost me like 3 bucks yes...it's on sale for 10 to start with and I have like 7 bucks in giftcards. Oh and speaking of NFG, Chad was chatting on APNet Friday and he mentioned there being a new full length NFG album by the Summer of 08', a B-Sides Album, and that Geffen is going to release a Greatest Hits album that they're not too crazy about happening. So yeah, I'm pretty pumped.

I should probably go write that stupid essay so I can just chill tonight and not have to worry about homework. Oh man...Istep is this week too. Gah that means we're doing like NOTHING this week. Why they just don't let the upperclassmen who have passed it stay home and just come in half days is beyond me. Concordia and several other schools do it that way. Ah oh well.

Thinking Outrageously, I Write in Cursive...

I have another Wedding Saturday so I can make some more money. Yay. I'll probably be spending the whole 25 I make though between buying the new NFG CD next Tuesday, yes the first CD I've bought since well....Coming Home came out, and going to Bandidos the weekend after for Keiara's 18th birthday party. Which should be fun at the very least I'll get some good Mexican food.

It was cold out today, ok so not really it was like upper 50's and low 60's but I was weaing a longsleeve shirt that was nice and toasty warm because the A/C at school is still on. But I didn't get swarmed with misquitoes this morning so that's amazing.

I need to write, before I get an essay assigned to me for English next week, it could possibly be the dreaded Senior term paper, which I heard has to be like 10+ pages long. Well...I am in the academic class though where half the kids fail so we'll see if it's that long. Haha. Not me...I have an A+...I think my teacher is amazed about that one. I'm wishing now I took AP Lang but oh well. Too late now, interims are next week so that means I'm what 1/4th of the way done with Sr. English! Yes! And I'm Half way done with Government! Thank God. Anyways it's hard to get myself to work on the story, I used to put off homework to work on it. Probably because it's come to the point where the main character needs to die and I can't bring myself to kill him off. Grr...frustrating.

Gotta Love Queen

Yeah, I'm jammin' to Bicycle Race by Queen entirely too loud but I don't care. New layout! I like my new banner better even though the blacks don't match....shh. Stupid "blogger black" grr. haha.

Oooh I just checked edline and I got an A on my Math quiz I took yesterday! Yes! Too bad today's math stuff is kicking my ass, I'm going to go see him tommorrow morning for helpppness. I'm sure it's some stupid thing I'm doing. I understand how to do it....but there's a select few problems on the homework that are making my head spin yo.

Oh and NFG put out a bullentin on Myspaceness with a behind the scenes video of Kiss Me....sooo funny. 15 minutes of pure enjoyment that really gets me hyped for next Tuesday.

For the record I have no opinion of the Brittney Spears VMA performance. I didn't watch the VMA's saw the clip online though. I just think it was funny haha but other than that...I'm opionless on this topic.

So many choices and possibilities.

So it's Senior year and I'm still toying around with what I want to do with my life after high school. My idea of college has always been moving away from home and living in a dorm. Now I'm not sure I want that. I'm not really sure what I want to do either.

My first thought was video production/editing ect...at Ball State or Valpo. But I don't know the more I get into it with people the less I want to pursue that. It doesn't make me happy, it stresses me out. One person yells at me to do one thing and another totally contradicts the other person. I trust the person who actually works in Broadcasting though as opposed to the guy who is soccer coach/mail man or whatever he is now haha. So I'm thinking about changing my goals. To something more fufilling.

I've been thinking about Culinary school as one of my other options. I could go locally, at Ivy Tech. They have an excellent program. And if I do that and want to get even more advanced training I could go to Chicago or somewhere. Cooking is fun for me. It's something I've begun to enjoy a lot. I like putting together meals and experimenting. I like the whole presentation with the colors and everything. We'll see, it may be a fallback option. If nothing else it's definately a course I would like to take later in life after I've already gotten an established career and have the time to.

Lately I've been thinking becoming a nurse wouldn't be so bad. There's a huge need in the medical field. And I know that's a job that I could count on a nice salary to payback my student loans which I know I'll have to take out. Plus the whole wearing scrubs thing instead of having to wear like a suit to work would be awesome. But then I wish I would've taken like anatomy in high school. But I suppose I can take those courses in college at a higher level. Plus I like helping people. I'm thinking maybe and ER nurse, something that would keep me on my toes. I realize I'd have 12+ shifts but I think I could deal with that.

This one totally suprises me but I've also been thinking about teaching. Maybe English or Family Consumer Sciences, or even computer stuff. I don't know, the only disadvantage I see to this job is going 3 months without pay, low salary especially starting out so paying student loans wouldn't be very easy. But I don't know....we'll see.


I guess my last thing I've been considering is marketing, I like trying to sell things and coming up with advertising solgans and such for products. I find it fun, but we all know that business world can be kind of cut throat and "man's world" heh. Plus I'd have to dress up for work haha. I'm all about casualness.

I don't know, I guess I'll have to decide so I can start applying to schools...really soon. Plus pick up scholarship information. Gah. Growing up sucks. But hey atleast all of my career options are pretty practical. It's not like I'm sayihng I want to start my own software company and be the next Bill Gates or something and I'm not saying I want to travel the country in a tour bus and party every night.

Ah well I got to get some lunch because I have to leave soon to go run cameras and lights again.

Mistquitoes Will Be the Death of Me.

I hate them! There are swarms all over. We have bunches just in the house, not to mention stepping outside is ls like swimming in them. I itch all over, I've got bites pretty much everywhere. So I have these lovely red lumps. I might as well have chicken pox or something with as many as I have. The city isn't spraying for them this year saying it costs too much money. I'll be sure to thank them when I end up with West Nile....which several pools have tested positive for. We can affored a new baseball stadium we don't even need....but we can't keep people from being eaten alive by misquitoes? Good God people.

I'm tired of being itchy all the time!

Kiss Me


Check out this video: Kiss Me



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This makes me extremely happy.

The Man of Metropolis Steals My Heart

Do you ever wish you could some how have all your memories burnt onto like a DVD. That way you could back to your favorite ones and replay them. Like you know all those moments that you never want to forget and could relive over and over and be ok with that? I wish I could.....just so I could hear his voice, be near him. Not argue over stupid things in IMs to make things ackward. Thinking his name...makes me want to smile. It gives me this warm mushy fuzzy feeling inside. It makes crave a hug....mostly from him.

Everytime you hear the L word...(love...I'm not really into saying it unless I truely mean it.) You think of him, and his smile. You think of him too much...and it makes you want to cry because you pretty much have come to the conclusion that you're in Love with a boy who will never love you back the same way.

You once had something that nobody could touch.....people saw it between you. You want that....so bad. You want that back. You miss that so much.... it's gone now....you don't know how you lost it but desperation drives you. You hold onto the feelings, and the possibilities.

My friend is gone, he ran away....
I can tell you, I Love him each day.....

It's Monday....

I'm thankfully not at school and I want Denny's! I keep seeing those commercials with the pancakes, eggs, hashbrowns and orange juice...it all looks soooo good. We don't even have a Denny's anymore....we used to have 2. One is now a car dealership and the other is an autoparts store haha.

But my mom is making Mashed Potatoes later so that makes me happy.

Sincerly Me,

Ohhh how I love popping in Cds I haven't listened to in what seems like forever again and then just jamming to them. This band will never ever ever get old. I'll always proudly support them. If you don't know who I'm talking about slap yourself upside the head now.

On a side note...I miss him and just want to talk to him in person. You know....hear his voice.

No school tommorrow. That makes me happy along with this CD. Take the good things while you have them.