Day 25

The past few days have been good, I'm just tired now haha. I'm glad I don't have to work tommorrow.

I can officially say I've jumped on the Twilight bandwagon, I picked up the first book yesterday at the library to read. I have the next two on hold, so when they come in they're mine lol.

Is it totally wrong to be making a mental list of things to get before I go back to school already? I mean I am nearing the only 60 days to go mark in a matter of 15ish days.

I haven't decided what I want to do today, but tommorrow I think I want to get my bike out and atleast ride up to Georgetown, need to start getting back into shape. Adam says he wants to ride the river greenway sometime this summer, and I don't want to be dying lol. Problem is I don't get to ride everyday anymore...lameness. Oh well I guess, I'm making the moneyysss now.

I wish my mom and my brother would get home, I'm hungry. Anyways I'll stop before I start rambling about other pointless things.

Day 22

I had my sirsi training today...blah fun fun. I also stuffed 300 envelopes with chess club stuff. Yesterday I got paid to color for five hours haha. Anyways the past couple of days at work haven't been so bad. Which is good.

Right now I'm just worried about him...I think he may be avoiding me. :-( Which if he is wow...that would suck, but lets hope for the best here and say he's just busy with other things right now. We shall see.

I wish I had all the answers but I don't...this transition from being a kid to an adult isn't easy. I wish it was. Ah I'm sure everything will be ok...I sure hope so anyways.

OUCH

So I was making pork chops on the little weber grill tonight and I take the lid off and it hits the side of my left knee. Burnt. OUCH. It burns soooooo much right now. I put some aloe lotion on it but that hasn't done anything.

I shouldn't be allowed to do anything aside from living in a plastic bubble all I do is hurt myself.

Gah....

Day 19

At this moment I could say some things that really get me in trouble, so I'm going to choose to abstain from saying them. Gotta be the bigger person sometimes ya know?

Gah so frustrating. But it always comes around where I'm at fault so yeah...I feel like giving up on everything at this point. Life...work, school everything. What do those things matter anyways? Apparently I don't care...so why should I even care about myself?

I love getting walked all over...I really do. Go ahead...put your foot prints on me, add to the collection.

It's no wonder my stomach constantly hurts...I'm probably working on a nice Ulcer...yay for having ulcers at 19.

Bottom Line...I don't know what to do anymore. I thought I was finally for once in my life figuring things out...turns out...I'm just as stupid as I was before. A real self-esteem booster. Thanks Life...you suck.

Day 16

Wow super tired today...looking forward to just sleeping and not having to get up for work for 3 whole days! YES!

Plus I got to see Adam today YES!

And...work didn't take forever, thank goodness. But I did have something to look forward to. So that was nice.

All I want to do is listen to music for hours upon hours. And sing along at the top of my lungs, no matter how horribly I'm singing. Just like I used to do when nobody was home. It would be loud...like shake my floor loud in my room haha. And every night I would fall asleep to music. I want to fall into that again so badly. I think that's a reason why I went on a music binge last night. Being in silence at work...just drives me crazy. I need the music to help keep me sane. Today at lunch I broke down and actually listened to music, the first time I've done that. It did give me a needed pick me up and got me through the afternoon. Psh who needs drugs, or smoking or whatever I have Adam and Music...what more could I possibly need in life?

Nice.

So just remember a couple of minutes ago I downloaded the new Straylight Run EP...first track...excellent.

"I'm through with the past...but the past isn't through with me..."

Ain't that the truth. Ah well I should stop my music binge...yeah this evening/night definately can be labled as a music binge haha, and I should go to bed because I have to get up for work at 6:45...whoop-eeeeeee.

By the way...my predictions for this EP before I listen to the rest of it...are Excellent...definately need to update the ipod this weekend.

Day 15

Wanted to make sure I got this count thing started again haha. Anyways tired, hungry and sitting around at 8:30ish waiting for food that isn't even being made yet. Blah. Don't they realize lunch was over 6 hours ago? Ah oh well I guess. *sigh*

Work is alright I guess, don't work at the library if you want a face paced exciting job that's for sure. I don't know how these people do it and actually enjoy their jobs. I like dining better because it was a little more fast paced than this. Hmm books...so fast paced not lol.

Basically only 9 weeks to go...45 more days of work. Oh geeze that sounds terribly long.

I hope things pick up once school gets out...I really do. heh.

I'm not exactly sure what day it is...

Well I know it's Monday, but anyways; just sitting here on my dinner break chiilin'. Next time I'll have to bring more food LOL. I'm not quite as nervous as I thought I would be. The only nerve wracking part was hoping that the bus showed up on time LOL. But it did(sorta) and all is well.

During my explore the library website time I found a calendar of events that has the weeks numbered. 10 weeks from now it will be the end of July. Leaving me with a day or so short of two weeks from heading back to BSU YES!!!!

I just hope all work days don't drag on like this. I'm hoping it's because I didn't really get to do anything but watch and listen to the same things over and over again. They need to speed up muy rapido LOL

So yay for a job with great wifi acsess for mobile blogging among other things. Now only of my IM ap would connect. Tried getting on to see if Adam was on but wouldn't connect, LAME. Ah well back to checking the facebook and twitter before my last 3 hours of work today.

Day 11

I'm having one of those days where I just want to sleep and stare blankly at the TV. Everything I seem to do or say is wrong. It seriously makes me question why I even bother doing anything anymore. Maybe it's time to be a hermit again, and hole up in my room for the summer. Lock the door, and stare at endless tv shows all summer.

I don't know, I'm just really mentally drained right now. I have too many things swarming through my brain; work, home life, me not being good enough, I don't know just lots of things. Is summer supposed to be this hard? If so...I'm ready to check out.

Plus this pounding headache isn't helping the situation any. But what can I do? I'm stuck here for the next 3 months.

At this point, I'm really starting to question if everything will be ok.

Day 9 I think...

You miss the things you cherish the most when they're not there anymore. But I think that's how you know that this is for real, and that every longing or twinge of lonliness is for them.

Hopefully it won't stay this way too long... I'm already feeling like a piece of me is missing.

"You're what keeps me believing the worlds not gone dead,strength in my bones put the words in my head, when they pour out to paper it's all for you..."