Just a Little Something

This Is Fact Not Fiction, For the First Time In Years.

It's funny what 4 years of high school can do to you. I'm quickly approaching my last semester of high school, and it's been one hell of a trip. Not necessarily a good one but one hell of a trip none the less.

You start out freshmen year being stoked to be out of middle school. Whoo, I'm really a "big kid" now. I get to change classes more than just walking across the hall half way through the day. I get to choose what I want for lunch every day to some extent. My favorite freshmen year was always Lays KC Masterpiece BBQ Chips, a package of Zebra Cakes, and Pineapple Orange Banana Juice. Of course I always had to keep track of my lunch money which was a pain. I suppose that's teaching us how to manage money? If we spend it before the week is up we're screwed and don't get to eat lunch? ha. Plus we'd have friends that need to borrow some, now usually you'd hopefully get paid back within the week but then you have those friends that never seem to pay you back. Not that I have many of those. Freshmen year was actually pretty informative not just educationally but socially. I figured out that I'm a lazy kid when it comes to studying and my grades reflected that. I had grades as low as D-'s then. This past quater of my Senior year I had a 4.0 GPA. I was also thrown into this situation where I knew people but only really fit in with a few of them whom I had previously gone to school with, so I had to make new friends.

Making new friends when your 14 is frankly easier said than done. Especially when you have a fresh scar on your arm that looks like a suicide attempt. Your math teacher is nice enough to put you in the back though and you meet some kids by talking to them about their drawings or book they're reading. Then you meet other kids through those couple of friends you had previous to high school, and yet other friends in the most random situations. And you eventually end up freezing your ass off with them all winter waiting for our buses.

You're 14, and your like ok, so it's gotta be cool to be dating someone right? You go out with the football player guy who somehow picks up that you're feeling like shit one day when you had just found out that one of your favorite bands had broken up. ( I think we all know which band that is.) That guy turns out to be pretty much a jerk, but you were young and pretty much infatuated so what can you do? You realize over the next 3 years what a huge mistake you made. Because even before you went out with the jerk, you'd like someone else. You realized you blew that big time, and you could literally slap yourself upside the head for doing something so stupid.

You're not only going through all this school drama, but the drama at home starts then. You come to the realization that you have to change schools. You wish you didn't have to, and would actually prefer not to. But you realize that transferring in the middle of a quarter or after a semester would be a lot harder, both academically and well friendship wise. You had no choice. You want to tell people why but it hurts, it's hard, you can't. It's still something you struggle with to this day.

I got a semi-fresh start Sophmore year. I wish I didn't have to have one, but it was out of my hands. Sometimes you wonder what it would've been like if you had started out at the school you're going to now. But then you realize, that you wouldn't have made some incredible friends and never would've met some other amazing people. So you don't really regret going there, just a select couple of things that happened there. All that couple with what has happened in the past 3 years has only left me wanting another fresh start. A clean slate with new people, new places, new challenges. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to leave some of you behind and I won't, but I need to be done with high school. I need to put these past 4 years behind me and start thinking optimistically about something for once. So sorry if I seem overally excited about going away to college, sorry if I talk about it too much. You just have no idea how hard it's been. HIgh School has left me feeling trapped, I need out.

Heh, plus I probably got just a little carried away with this blog, but what's done is done. And apparently I use contractions too much according to my English teacher so deal with em'.