Don't Let This Slip...

So some of you may have noticed that ^ as my away message for the past day or so.

Have you ever wanted to talk to someone really really bad but were scared to because you didn't know what to say to them? Because you'd promised some one else that you wouldn't bring something up but yet you care about this person and just want to help them or listen to them....or just really go up to them and hug them.

But yet part of you wants to tell them what's been eating at you. Something you've debated about telling this person for well practically as long as you've known them. That something is something that makes you act how you do sometimes. It explains a lot....but then again if you told that person in just one short little 6 word sentence what was going on....that you'd have to explain further because everyone asks questions....they always do.

And then you wouldn't be able to tell if the person was sincerly concerned or if they were just trying to act to concerned because they know that's the right thing to do. So then you'd end up feeling stupid about your decision....and feel like you've made a mistake. You keep thinking that no one will get it anyways so why bother telling anyone right? Why make things even more ackward than they already are.

It already seems like you're loosing them and that's the last thing you want. Because lately you haven't been able to get that person off your mind....which hasn't happened in awhile.

I think I run scenarios in my head to much....but can you blame me? It's not like I'm going to go on national television and tell 5 million viewers about my life on Oprah. I'm talking one person here...one person who I want to I don't know maybe recconnect with...or I don't know build a sense of trust with.

I don't know....I think I need to get the courage to just talk to this person....atleast just have enough courage to start the conversation instead of always waiting for them to start it....Blah...this sucks.

Boulders

I feel locked away
with the weight of the world on my shoulders
crushing on my head are boulders
made of lies and dust from all of us

what of the bonds we've made
that have started to fade
we can't control the time
but right now I'll take what I can get out of my life

medicate me again
so I fall away
medicate me now
so I fall away

I feel torn between
two different sides of an opinion
don't know what state I've been in
don't believe in trust, for only one of us

what of the progress made
that night we all forgave
it was a thought out crime
but you should take what you can get out of this life

I never said that I didn't need you
put down your arms
and wrap them both right around me
right around me

http://www.yousendit.com/transfer.php?action=batch_download&batch_id=M7E+pBlABId5TA==

Oh Yale Boys...Get me outta this city....

So yay for hot college guys from Yale yesterday. Especially hot Yale guys named Andrew haha I found it ironic that both the guys whom I thought were good looking were both named Andrew. One was this asian guy and the other one played piano and reminded me of Ben Folds....who I'm actually listening to righ tnow now which is also kind of ironic.

Ah for the love of Irony! One Voice ended up getting canceled...thank God. But we still had our Yale Workshop...which was good because I got out of 4th period and hungout with hot college guys named Andrew haha. Plus their performance that night was hilarious.

"FLAME ON!" 'nuff said. Oh and sewer creatures doing hairspray commericials oh yes....

I ended up getting an award in Web Design Class....like whoa! I've gotten an award for every computer class I've taken. I must be a real geek huh? Ah oh well. Looks good on a college ap anyway right?

I'm going to miss my drama buddies hopefully I'll still get to hangout with some of them. We all exchanged numbers and what not. We'll have to have a reunion party sometime and just play improv games that would be awesome.

4 day weekend, but I'm tired and I think I'm going to go listen to some Something Corporate....Leaving Through the Window.....great album.

Oh and my eyes still hurt...stupid dry weather. Gr.

We can't Runaway....

So when you ask "was something wrong?" That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now. No, we can't talk about it now."

And Sadly I feel like one of those traumatized girls Dr. Drew was talking about on the episode of Loveline I was listening to earlier today..(from 2001, NFG was on....suprise suprise huh? lol...)

P.S. Our Student Teacher for Drama is pretty much Awesome, has some excellent ideas and a pretty awesome personality from what I can see....I still say he's a total 80's hair metal band fan though and I'm stickin' to it...ha! Why are student teachers always way cooler than regular teachers whyyy? Don't get me wrong Ms. Hines is pretty freakin' awesome but she gets these college kids in their early-mid twenties and they're just more fun most of the time. Ah well we only have him for the next two days anways. It should be fun. But One Voice = mucho problemo....production wise. The show is tommorrow and we haven't had one tech rehearsal...ha we're screwed!

Dear Mr. Bill Gates....

Your new software products suck. I think I want an Apple now. Geeze. All your freakin' products have done is screw up my computer & people I know's computers...

Don't upgrade to Windows Media Player 11.....I've been having mucho problems with it. I'm scared to update the other stuff Microsoft is trying to push on me. But if WMP keeps being screwy then I'm gonna dump it and get Winamp...psh.
Ah well I'm going to see if I can mess with this crap to make it work right....*sigh*

Screw Fall Out Boy





NFG is opening for Fall Out Boy....geeze what is this world coming to? Anyways this was at the end of a review for their first show with FOB. I found it pretty amusing and accurate haha.



"In an amusing nod to the upcoming appearance of Pete Wentz, the band announced mid-set that its own Ian Grushka was actually the sexiest bass player of the night, before getting him to remove his bass and his shirt to reveal a truly bulbous belly."

So Finally something about 06'

This is generic and I stole it off some other dude's blog and it's way shorter than others I've seen...so yeah. Here it goes:

2006 AWARDSTime to reflect!!

Drinking Buddy of The Year? Sorry Don't Drink....

BowenLifetime service award - Longest friend: It's a tie between....Erin and Miranda derrr

High Point of the year? Probably drawing the collage in drama class that forced me to reflect back on the few good days I had in summer of 06'.

Low point of the year? Basically all of June-November....yeah. Pretty much. Still isn't too great ya know?

Best holiday? Valentines day...just because that's the only one I remember being fun this past year...

Anthem for 2006? Ooo probably Still Fightin' It by Ben Folds, for many many reasons. I made this neato collage based off this song this past summer, I've been meaning to post that but still haven't gotten around to it.

Any regrets? Of course, but I'm not going to burden you with them. I'll just let them to continue to eat away at me...ya know? I sound optimistic don't I? haha....

Best Night out? Umm..probably one of the few chances I got to hangout with my friends.

Worst Night out? Probably in June, when I was with my friends trying to have a good time but my mind & heart wasn' t in it, and all I could think about was how I was scared to go home. I wish I would've enjoyed that night/day more, who would've thought that I haven't hungout with them in basically 6 months....it sucks.

Best concert? Dashboard Confessional with The Secret Machines and The Hush Sound, seriously one of the best experiences of my life besides the fact of being stuck behind two lesbians who made out the whole time haha.

Best New Relationship/Friend? hmm...probably with Josh(Bob), Devon, & Ian

Best decision made all year? To finally stand up for myself, and not settle for what was happening.

Best new album that you have gotten? umm...wow, Probably Coming Home by New Found Glory or When Your Heart Stops Beating by (+44) They came out at good times in life for me....I don't know with both albums it just felt..right and good.

Most proud moment? Doing well in school despite everything else....being able to keep my composuer for the most part

Most reliable person? probably my Mom....

Best job of the year? The Marriage Seminar I teched for was pretty much an awesome experience...

Best Film? Hmm....Benchwarmers?!?! lol...It had "Hit or Miss" in it..come on!!

Rate 2006 on a scale of 1-10(best): 3...sorry but it sucked. Being 16 is overrated.

Plans for 07?: Get an actual job for the summer, pass my junior year, finally get my liscense, be more open with people, don't hold things back when I don't have to, Actually finish cleaning my room lol...

Best friends (not gf/bf)?: Erin, Miranda, Matt, Chris, Joshers, KJ, & Devon

Windows, oh why must you complicate me?

So I'm not to sure if I like Windows Media Player 11. I finally updated it uh...yesterday I think. There are some pros and cons to it. And I'm bored so I'll list them and maybe you can make an informative decision about wether or not to upgrade. Eh. I'm bored and putting of History & Drama stuff even though I don't have school till Monday.

Pros
-My lastfm plug-in still works so data is still being sent....that's a major plus
-I like how the library is set up on the library tab, it shows like an actual picture of the album
-I like buttons on it, like the play, skip, stop...ect...buttons
-I like that there's a back button when I'm going through my library
-I like the search feature, for example I can put in the word Green and it'll come up with all the songs/artists that have the word Green in them
-I like how that under each tab (the ones that say Now Playing, Burn, Sync, Library) that there's an arrow with a drop down menu)
-I like that you can still customize the color of your player...mine's a nice dark blue right now haha.

Cons
-It doesn't display the title & Artist of the song at the top anymore, you have to either look at the side menu if you have that turned on or at the bottom which is annoying.
-There's no option for selecting all my music at once to put on it shuffle...sure I could do that manually but I'm lazy danget!
-Everytime I close out of it, it doesn't save my now playing list and I have to recreate it...that's uber annoying
-I don't like how the side panel that displays your playlist is white....it doesn't match at all.
-I don't like how when I'm browsing through the artists in my library how it doesn't display the names on the left side column anymore, that causes me to have to scroll forever to find the artist I'm looking for, they could atleast put a, b, c, d,...ect to help navigation out.
-I don't like how it doesn't display the length of each song on the now playing panel like Windows Media 10 did.

A bigger picture...

So I just got done watching an amazing episode of Oprah. They took 64 high school students from various different cliques and had them really open up to eachother, it was pretty awesome. It made me wish that something like that would happen at my school, or at everyone's schools for that matter.

I've talked to kids who aren't comfortable at their own school. Talked to kids who've been picked on for their beliefs and intrests. Kids who didn't have anyone to talk to at school. Who felt alone. I've been there. It's a horrible feeling. Nobody should have to feel that. When those people confided to me that they felt that way. I felt for them, I knew what that's like, but I didn't know what to say to try and make it bettter, because really I knew that there really wasn't anything I could do, especially if I don't happen to go to the same school as that person.

Maybe just getting a group of people together whom you know, your friends, your friend's friends and just open up to them...because we all know that we've been lying to them about something. Keeping something hidden from them. Something that majorly affects us and our lives and how we live them. And maye just maybe telling our story to someone might give us someone to relate to, or just enable us to better understand where we're all coming from.

I wish I could go up to every person in life I've hurt and apologize. I feel bad about things I've said and done to people. I know now why've done those things and it's horrible. Ever hear the phrase: "Those who hurt; hurt people." That's what I feel like I'm doing. I'm taking my hurt out on other people. Even pushing other people away. I hate that. I just want to go up to every single one of my friends give them a hug and say I'm sorry if I've ever hurt you in any way shape or form. I don't want to loose them. A lot of them are stability in my life...even if they don't know that. I want them to hear my story, to know what makes me hurt. I want to know what makes them hurt...so we can help each other.

What good is having friends, if you can't confide in them? What good are friends who feel hurt because of something you've done? What good are friends who don't express themselves?

I'm guilty, I don't confide in my friends for the most part. I've felt hurt from something a friend has done/said to me. I don't express myself a lot of the time because it creates ackward situations...or atleast it seems like it does anyways. I'm scared, of what they think, how they judge me. I know I shouldn't be but I am. I'm horrified of them breaking my trust and blabbing my hurt to the world. To me that would hurt even more. There's a time to tell someone and there's a time to keep your mouth shut. Especially if it means potentially putting your friend a more worse situation than they're already in.

I won't tell if you won't tell.....

We all put up fronts.....I think it's time we knock them down. Break down the barriers, the tension, the ackwardness.....embrace eachother and our problems.

Sillies....

So the last 20 minutes has been amazing. I watched a live performance of "Broken Sound" being played acoustic....it was well AMAZING!

Then I read this: http://www.eisley.com/journals/trolleywood/
And that just really got me grinning. Somehow I could see that happening to me....except I don't have an airsoft gun..only big colorful squirt guns..haha...

I'm getting my hair cut tommorrow....eeeeee

That's all I have to say haha.