One of the coolests things in the world or should I experiences you can have is being in a huge crowd of people. Not sitting but standing so close to eachother that your shoulders are practically touching. Or that if someone else moves you move. That's not the cool part, the cool part is that your all their for one common reason to see a band/artist you love.

The band takes the stage and the excitement level rises. They start playing and kids start getting into. People begin singing along or shouting along as some of us do haha only once at an FP show (my first moshing experience by the way...one of my favorite shows I've ever been too...god I wish I could relive it all again!) Anyways then comes the part where the band lets the crowd sing a part of the song. I love that. I love hearing all those voices of people you've never met in your life all sharing the common intrest of that song and knowing the words and singing along. It's just wow.

Afterwards your just so hyped up from the show that you feel like you could run a marathon or something. Or atleast that's how I feel. But then again the next day I feel like I've been hit by a truck. Haha. But it's always worth it.

I wanna go to another show ASAP perferably not a local one because scene kids are assholes. I haven't been to on since I saw Dashboard back in April. Someone take me to see NFG/Hit the Lights/Cartel/The Early November!!?!?! Chi-town!?! Ah! I have to go see NFG before I graduate high school. Personal goal. If I don't...then I've failed. Even if it means getting in trouble afterwards for skipping out on school or something. It'd be so worth it. Psh what can they do if you're truant once? September 19th!!! It's getting closer!

I've digressed so I might as well end this here.

So I get to become that old lady sometime this week in Drama class...I have to write a monolog and perform it. It should be interesting. If you have any ideas of what the monolog should be about just lemme know. I know this is pretty much a pointless boring post but I'm pretty bored right now so yeah.

Oh and is listening to Christmas music in August weird? Ha I'm definately guilty of that! Anyways that's really all I have to say without rambling about really random pointless things.

There are far too many jerks on this planet. People can be too judgemental and not even give people a chance, and you know what? That sucks. Just because I can't have the things you have, you treat me like dirt? Gee Thanks.

I'm not naming names and it's none of the people I really have a relationship so don't start freaking out or anything....This kind of stuff just bugs me. You want to be able to talk to different and new people but if they don't give you the light of day then what's the point? Sometimes big schools suck.

If I could change anything it'd be people's attitudes; oh and school lunches...man do public schools have horrible lunches. I miss my private school lunches :( When do I graduate again? 08' is way too far off. :(

Wow sorry, it's been over a week now since my last post. I guess I just got caught up in other things. Like reading, ha yes I'm a nerd ok. I'm reading Jpod right now and am almost done with it. It's my last book I'm going to read this summer as school starts on Monday and I'll be forced to read a History book and a Spanish book. Those are the only two classes I'll really have a book for.

I'm not really sure how I feel about going back to school.

On one hand it's kind of exciting because I know that I'm half way done with high school already and after this year I'll be 3/4' s of the way done. Plus I get to see some people that I haven't seen in what 3 months? Plus new classes, new teachers well 2 new teachers. I had my Spanish and Drama teachers last year. New people...it can almost be considered a fresh start all over again. But now I'm and upperclassmen and the only people who can look down on me are the Seniors. Ha.

But on the other hand school means that I can't sleep in untill like 10 or 11 in the morning like I usually do. Yeah, I require a lot of sleep. I usually go to bed around a 11 at night. I don't know how I'm going to manage to get up at six something Monday morning to catch the bus. I don't think I'm going to make it. I'm going to fall asleep sometime during the day....atleast I'll crash after school if I have to. Plus there's the whole Homework thing....blah. I hate homework. I'm a procrastinator. I won't say I'm the biggest procrastinator you've ever met because I've met way worse procrastinators than me. Plus I have to face the people who are jerks at school. The people who don't even freakin' know you and still choose to talk about you and laugh at you. Wow that's real mature of them isn't it?

So I guess I'm kind of excited that school is going to start but sad that I can't stick to my summer routine anymore and I have to start the school one again. There's just not much room for spontanity during the school year. Of course I'm pretty boring during the summer. I eat lunch at noon every day haha. Of course at school I have A lunch again so I eat at 10:55 every day. Blah I'm as boring as my grandpa who goes to be at 10 a clock everyday and gets up at 5:30. Of course I did stay with him and my grandma a few summers back in the day.

I guess the only reason I'm waisting all this space talking about school is because it's early and nobody is home to talk to. Because most of the people that are usually on to talk to in the mornings are at school...they go to private school. Heh. I guess I'll just sit here..and play boring card games or something and mope.

On a plus note some lady thought I was in college this morning! Whoo! Usually I get mistaken for the middle school crowd! Ah well that's enough pointless rambling that has no purpose what so ever.

So sometimes do you get a feeling that just takes over your body... a feeling that you can't describe. You don't feel sad or upset, but yet you don't feel happy either. You just don't really know what you're feeling. There's not an Adjective out there for it....it's kind of just a warm fuzzy funny feeling kind of thing? You chest kind of tightens.....and feels all tingly...you feel kind of tingly all over. You can't put your finger on it and you're not sure if it's a good or a bad thing. I guess we could call it confusion but I'm not sure that's what I'd really want to call it either.

You just have so many things running through your head. Memories, decisions, past decisions, the future, hopes, dreams....You're not sure if you want to laugh or cry...or just ignore the feeling all together. The feeling increases when you come across certain memories or certain decisions you've made or even thinking of the future.

It can be exciting yet scary at the same time. Am I the only who experiences this? Or am I just weird for even noticing this? C'mon I know I can't be the only one. Ah well even if I am....that's ok. I think. It's one of those situations where you don't even know what to think anymore.

Do you ever listen to songs and have them trigger memories? Wether they be good memories or bad ones? I do, all the time. Sometimes I'll listen to a certain song just so I can remember something good that happened.

I was listening to "Believe" by Yellowcard last night and that brought up Memories of 9/11. I went through everything that went down that day. I remember almost every detail of it. Where I was, what I was doing. I feel like sharing it so I will.

That morning I got on the bus at the same time as usual. I was in the 6th grade, and everything was fine when I left. I probably just read my book or slept as usual on the way to school. I was the first one on the bus so it was a long ride. By the time we got to the last stop some older boys were talking about something and I was really confused by it. One of them asked the other if they had heard what had happened. And the other was like yeah I heard a plane hit or whatever...I just kind of figured it was some TV show or something and didn't worry too much about it. When we got to school, I noticed that secratary was on the phone talking to parents and such. I walked in the classroom and kids were talking about what happend. I felt so in the dark and confused.

By the time we had morning break I'd found out what had happened. We weren't allowed to watch the TV though and had to carry on with our regular classes. After lunch and afternoon recess(God I miss recess.) They turned on the TV and we sat and watched the news the rest of the school day. I remember that all after school activites were cancelled and that we all just sat there in silence not saying anything. Which was truely amazing for our class.

The end of the day came and I went with Jenny and Tristian who I stayed with after school until my mom could pick me. Tristian happened to have piano lessons that day...it was a Tuesday. I remember we dropped him off and decided to go to Mejier. I remember seeing the gas station, people were lined up down the road just to get gas. I'd never seen anything like that before then. We went to mejier and people were buying things like crazy too. It was kind of scary. I was only what 11 or 12 then. We picked Tristian up and then went back to their house. Where we sat and watched the news some more. It was all just the same things played over and over again but yet we all just sat there. It was crazy.

I went home and we watched the news some more. Over the next few days that's all that was on...finally they went into Iraq and I just remember my parents watching that in their room really late into the night.

I honestly didn't know how I felt about all of that at the age of 11. I don't really remember being too affected by it. But 5 years later...I see what the aftermath of all of this is. I see how prices have sky-rocketed. I see things crumbling. I've seen a very patriotic America emerge and I've also seen a very Upset America emerge too.

As I think back on all the things I've lived through I realize that I've lived through quite a bit just at the age of 16. I've lived through 2 US Presidents. Bill Clinton and George Bush. Well those are the ones I remember being in office anyways. I've lived through the turn of the millenium. Y2k...hey guess what? My computer? It's still working. I've lived through a Space Shuttle burning up in the atmosphere during re-entry. I've lived through terrorist attacks not only on the U.S. but also over in U.K., I remember watching that on the news too. I've lived through destructive Hurricanes...Katrina ect. Also a Tsunami...I wasn't directly affected by any of that. But I was indirectly affected. See the thing about kids these days is that we have access to loads of information. We're little sponges, we absorb all kinds of things. There's so much media out there and so many people who voice their opionions about things that it's hard to know who to believe and who to trust.

Personally, I think our generation is pretty much screwed. We got the shit end of the stick...lets just say that. The furture leaders of the world? What are we supposed to lead? I guess we're going to have to pick up the pieces of the generations that came before us to even have a chance. Blah I hate politics and I'm tired of talking about this...so that's it for me today.

So maybe This Song will give you more insight to me....just maybe.

P.S.- I love Jimmy Eat World...loved em' since 6th grade. Maybe not as much as NFG but JEW always has a place in my music collection.

P.P.S.- It's time to go watch Gene Simmons new show on A&E, who knows maybe it'll be better than The Osbournes....but the whole throwing canned ham at your neighbors thing is a classic. So is "I like to warm my butt by the fire..." haha...he was so zombified during that show.

Do you ever just sit back and watch what's going on around you?

You might discover something new about someone or even about yourself. You may even realize how good or how bad things are and how things are affect other people other than yourself.

Do you keep up to date on what's going on in the world?

Lets face it....we're not little kids anymore a lot of the stuff that's happening now is either going to affect is now or in the future. It may you worry or scare you. But honestly it should so we can either learn how to cope with it now to better prepare ourselves for the future or even figure out how we can change it and make it better.

I know, I know...you just want to be young as long as you can and have no worries. Me too. But there's just some things you can't ignore. You have to face reality sometime and stop living in your fantasy world. It's not all grins and giggles you know....Growing up sucks. But I guess it's time to learn when to Work, Play, Be Serious, Have Fun.....you get the picture.

I wish I could be a little kid again sometimes.....